#DearBlogalicious {My 600th Blog Post & #Blogalicious5 Recap}

When I first started blogging, I had no idea a community like Blogalicious existed. And after I met a few bloggers and learned about blog conferences, Blogalicious was a name that constantly came up. It seemed different from other blog conferences I heard about. The women that I knew, spoke about it with affection, they all had a story about their first time. And for many of them, Blogalicious seemed to be a turning point in their careers.

I'll be honest, while I wanted to attend Blogalicious, I had no intentions of making the trip to Atlanta. But when I was invited to speak on a panel on awareness blogging, I knew it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. I had to make it happen. 

And I am so very glad I did. 

I don't attend many conferences. Working full-time (outside of the home as a legal secretary), blogging is my side gig and often takes a back seat to my other responsibilities. Attending conferences means taking vacation days, spending money and time away from my family. Attending a blog conference is difficult to justify. But Bloglacious was worth it. 

Usually I'm intimidated by conferences. The crowds, the brands, the pressure to network and practice my elevator pitch. But Blogalicious was different. I mean, yes there were brands and networking is always a must. But the vibe was so laid back. I felt the sense of sisterhood. And everyone was so genuine, I felt completely at ease.

While at Blogalicious, I spent time with Ananda Leeke and got a 15 minute coaching session. She gave me a game plan and set a time line for me to publish my book. For the first time in a long time, I was inspired to write. The plan feels like a real possibility.

  

I can go on and on about why I loved Blogalicious. But what I really want to say is thank you. 

Thank you for creating space for bloggers to come together - to reunite with old friends and to make new ones. Thank you for creating a place for us to learn and to be inspired.   

Thank you for being a one of a kind experience. Blogalicious is my fourth conference in the three years I've been blogging. With each conference I've attended, I learned something new. I've learned to value my writing and my work a little bit more. But what I learned at Blogalicous couldn't have been learned anywhere else.

At Hispanicize, Pierra Jolly taught me I needed to own it. At LATISM, I learned that my voice matters. 

At Blogalicious, I learned that I was worth the investment. I realized that I needed to start seeing myself the way others saw me. I realized that my dreams were within my reach, I just need to continue moving forward. I learned that I have the power to make it happen.   

Blogalicious used to be the conference that changed other bloggers lives, and now it's the one that has changed mine. 

I cannot wait to see you all next year!

  

from top to bottom, left to right 

(1) [@ the Gloria Estafan Concert for AARP] w Denisse Montalvan, Crystal Gudino, Vanessa Martinez Bell, Nicole Pressley, Monique Frausto, Maura Wall Hernandez, Jessie Nuez, Yoly Mason and Lorraine Ladish 

(2) Jessie Nuez & Monique Frausto

(3) Ananda Leeke  

(4) Jessie Nuez 

(5) Pierra Jolly 

(6) Ana Flores 

(7) Denisse Montalvan 

(8) Nicole Presley 

(9) Maribel Lara 

(10) The best damn donut I've ever had in my entire life. There's bacon on it. 

(11) Rhachelle Nicol, me, Christine Koh and Janee Darden

10 Things I'm Going To Do Now That I'm Done with Graduate School

Today I handed in my thesis. And that means I am unofficially done. I graduate on May 30th. (YAY!!!!)

Me (posing as proof of) handing in my thesis: smiling, sleep deprived, hair a hot mess.

Dust. I hope no one comes over and looks up my ceiling fans because it's pretty bad. 

Work on my apt to-do list. There are so many unfinished projects around the apartment. So many things I want to do. Closets that need to be cleaned out and cabinets that need organizing. It's going to keep me busy. 

Set up my home office. I'm tired of writing sitting on the sofa. I don't have much space but I need a little desk and a chair. The Unknown Mami gave me a great idea! 

Get back to writing fiction. I'm good at it. I want to get better. 

Continue editing/polishing 2 short stories and start submitting for publication. I wrote three short stories I'm proud of. I want them published somewhere. I need to get my hustle on. 

Sleep. I need it. 

Enjoy my family & friends. I've missed them, especially these last few months. 

Get a manicure and pedicure. It's needed in the worst way.

Go back to the gym. It's also needed in the worst way.

Start my non-profit and work on building My Dream School. The Bronx needs it.

I Sued The Department of Education and Won

I can easily recall all of my short comings and failures. But when asked of my accomplishments, I need to think.  They do not come as easily.

The stuff that I do for The Boy. I don't chalk that up to much. I don't do anything special.  I just do what needs to be done.

Then the other day I read a post by The Empress (Good Day, Regular People).  She called it "Hero Stories." She talked about one of my favorite movies and then shared a forgotten story about her son.  A day when she was his hero. 

I hadn't thought about this day in years, and it made me think of how we --how all of us out here -- have had moments of cape-wearing epicness where we toss aside our risk of injury to save another. (The Empress)

Then she asked her readers to share a time when we were heroes. 

And it reminded me of the time when I had to file for an Impartial Hearing.

If you recall, The Boy didn't have the best start to Kindergarten.  It sucked, actually.  I can say that now that he's out of that school. And he basically failed.  

When The Boy started kindergarten, there was no Occupational Therapist (OT) at the school.  Even though, the school principal and vice principal assured me there would be one.  Even though the program stated that the OT was a critical member of the team.

The Boy is a highly sensory seeking kind of kid. I never would have placed him in a school without an OT.  

By the second week of school, I was at odds with the school. They didn't like me and I didn't like them.  I asked too many questions and I had been told several times that I should "relax."  That's easy to say when it's not when it's not your kid.

I was paying out of pocket for private OT services - $150 per 60 minute session. The Boy's IEP mandate required 90 minutes per week.  

By mid October, the school was still without an OT  and I was running out of money.  So I asked the assistant principal to provide an RSA letter so that I didn't have to continue paying for services.  The assistant principal's response? "I've done all that I can do.  Call 311."

Three weeks, one meeting (with 8 people), five emails, seven phone calls and over $1,000 (amount of money spent on OT services) later - we received an RSA letter.

Fast forward to February.  The Boy's school situation was getting worse and I knew he couldn't go back for a second year. I was touring schools and scheduled a free consultation with a special education attorney.  When I told the attorney about paying out of pocket for OT services, she stated I could sue for reimbursement.

In my mind it didn't make sense to pay attorney fees for such a small claim.  So I filed for impartial hearing on my own. I filled out the forms, stated the facts and gathered my evidence.  I even wrote my opening statement for the hearing.

And on the day of the hearing, the Dept of Ed rep didn't even contest the claim. He knew the school was failing The Boy. 

And I won.  All my own* without any legal representation. (Remember, I am just a mom, I am not a: lawyer, professional advocate, special education teacher, psychologist, therapist (of any kind) or social worker.)

There is a lot of talk about special needs kids being bullied in school.  But parents have to deal with bullies too.  Department of Education bullies.  I believe The Boy's school tried to bully me.  They tried to bully me thinking I'd back down and pull him out.  The bullied me by saying I was the problem. They bullied me thinking I'd go away.  

I didn't. I fought back. I never gave up. I stood up for The Boy.  

The Boy's school failed to provide him with a Free Appropriate Public Education. I could have let it go.  I could have been happy with securing the RSA. But I couldn't. In the end, it wasn't so much about the money. It was the sheer principle.

And winning that case gave me the courage and confidence to keep fighting.  And by the end of the school year, I had no choice but to file for impartial hearing again so that I could get him out of the school.

And you know what?  I won that case too.  But that's a post for another day.

The Boy doesn't need to think I'm his hero.  He just needs to know that I believe in him enough to keep fighting like one.


*DISCLAIMER: I did consult with an attorney and Advocates for Children regarding the process. Do not take this post as legal advice. If you have an issue with your school and/or services, consult with an attorney or special education advocate immediately.

the LITTLE things are a BIG deal [#1]

I wanted to kick off my first blog post of 2012 with something special: my very own blog meme.  For more information click HERE.  Please note, you do not have to be a special needs parent to link up.  AutismWonderland is a community.  And I want to celebrate your every day wonderful moments with you.

*

The Boy runs to me, iPad clutched in both hands.  He is smiling.  It's a dimpled smile, baby teeth showing.  And his eyes are bright and blinking rapidly with excitement. I know he's done something that he wants to show me.  

But still I remind him to walk.  And then I bring him back to where he started from, asking him to walk to me.  I know he wants to run.  But he walks, one foot in front of the other, across the room to where I am.  The way he is walking, I can tell he's telling himself to walk, walk, walk; walk, walk, walk.  The Boy is still smiling.  Looking down at the iPad and then back at me.  His arms and shoulders are wiggly.

"Look Mommy."  He shoves the iPad in my face, almost too close for me to see.  It's just a blur of colors.  And I have to hold it out.

The Boy stands in front of me.  Still smiling.  Body still twitching and wiggling.  He's waiting for me to say it. 

"Wow!  This is great!  Good Job."  I hold up my hand, and The Boy slaps me five.

What's the big deal about this picture?  Not only did The Boy color within the lines but he was proud to show me that he did a good job. 

The Boy has been doing a lot of coloring and drawing lately.  He wants to do it.  He will sit still and focus and really concentrate to stay in the lines.  Some days are harder than others.  But he's getting so much better.   Every day, with every he gets so much better.

And there was a time, not so long ago, when The Boy couldn't hold a crayon at all.  And I had to sit with him, my hand over his.  He used to cry and switch hands.  Because he lacked the hand strength to hold a crayon or pencil for more than a few minutes.  And when he learned to hold the crayon, he was looking everywhere else except the piece of paper.

Handwriting and coloring is still difficult for The Boy.  We still struggle through our homework.  But his interest is improving.  He asks to color and write and erase.  He wants to cut out pictures he's colored and loves to show off his work.   And he feels good when I praise him.  And when he feels good, I feel good. 

But the best thing and biggest deal about this picture is that it shows how hard he tries.

#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf

you've been on twitter lately and following these tweets - #youmightbeanautismparentif. 

If you haven't - you should.  It's been steadily growing.  The idea for the twitter party was started by Many Hats Mommy and the hashtag was created by @RaisingASDKids.   

Honestly up until a few days ago I wasn't one for twitter.  I didn't really get it, couldn't keep up - I didn't really understand the point of the hashtag.  But since I've been participating in the #youmightbeanautismparentif twitter party, I've been a tweet freak.  I think I've come out of the Twitter closet and now ready to embrace @LaliQuin (my twitter name). 

I'm throwing out hashtags and retweeting and replying to tweets. (Ok, still working on my response time.) 

And when @HollyRod4kids retweeted ME.  I yelled out - OMG!  Because that's the kind of Twitter dork I am. 

The absolute best part of this ongoing twitter party is that I've connected with so many people, I may not have met otherwise.  I'm laughing and crying and nodding my head because the things other parents are writing I totally get.  Because it's always nice to know I'm not alone in my thoughts. 

Here are just a few of my favorites:  

@diaryofamom #youmightbeanautismparentif you find yourself celebrating and heartbroken - at the same time and for the exact same reason.

@jillsmo  #youmightbeanautismparentif you have to live forever. No, I'm serious. This isn't optional.

@autismfather  #youmightbeanautismparentif one moment, you feel completely alone & the next, you're a part of a large, passionate & supportive community.

@loumelgarejo #youmightbeanautismparentif You see a child breaking down in public and don't pass judgment on the child... or the parents.

@LLA_Princess #youmightbeanautismparentif you always talk like you are in a social story....."And that's ok"

@Birdakamaude #youmightbeanautismparentif you've read enough books on #autism that you could practically be a doctor yourself

 

@trydefyinggrav #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you wanted to write your own #Parenting book because the ones you have are useless in your world.

@jodigomes #youmightbeanautismparentif youve accepted that NORMAL in ur house is exactly opposite of "typical" in pediatricians office #Autism

 

@RaisingASDKids #youmightbeanautismparentif once child knows no Santa u watch him so he doesn't tell every small child bc "they need to know the truth too"

@manyhatsmommyMI And the companion guilt: #Youmightbeanautismparentif you feel guilty that your child says "I love you" when so many others don't. #autism

@thecoffeeklatch If you want to follow the most inspirational thread on Twitter - get a kleenex and be inspired #youmightbeanautismparentif #TCK.


And here are a few of mine -
 LaliQuin AutismWonderland

#youmightbeanautismparentif you look at pictures pre-diagnosis and wonder "Why didn't I see it?" #guilt

 

#YouMightBeAnAutismParentif you have a hard time going to sleep at a reasonable hour. #neverlearn #needmoresleep

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif you've slipped on, stepped on, rolled over on (yes, in bed) Legos #OUCH

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif YOU know in the grand scheme of things #autism isn't a big deal, but hate when others say, "it's no big deal"

 

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif potty training is taking years not weeks. And let's not discuss night-time potty training...

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif hate hearing "Oh but that's all kids" Because no...it's really not.

 

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif Goals are the priority

Go ahead join the #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf conversation on twitter! 

#youmightbeanautismparentif _____________________.

Making Peace with Autism

There are moments in our life that define us; moments that can make us better or make us bitter.  


An autism diagnosis is one of those moments.  It's not only a life altering moment for a child, but for the parent.  The moment a parent hears: Your child has autism.  Your world will change.  And you can either let the diagnosis destroy you or you can make peace with it.  


My suggestion?  Make peace with autism.  Because it's going to be around for a while.  Might as well get to know it. 


A while ago I read a comment by a special needs parent.  And it was basically criticizing parents of special needs kids.  It went something like: Parents who say autism makes them a better person are full of it.


Ultimately, it's not about becoming a better parent, I think it's about adopting a different parental attitude.


Raising a child with autism is hard.  It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done.  There are days when I'm tired of dealing with it.  And when I say "it," I don't mean autism itself - I mean everything else that comes along with autism.  


The therapies.  The non-stop appointments. The evaluations. The meetings.  Fighting for services.  Securing appropriate school placement.    


The staying up late, reading through Special Education laws, tweaking IEPs or just unable to sleep worrying about the future. 


Making peace with autism, doesn't come immediately.  It's a process.  And some days are better than others.  There are times when I cry and I feel helpless.  Because it is hard when you don't have the means to do all that you can.      


Nothing would be easier than sitting back and throwing myself a pity party.  But who the hell wants to go to that?


It would be too easy for me to write about all the things The Boy cannot do.  But what would be the point?


Quite honestly, it makes me sad to focus on those things.  There are so many things, I would love to see The Boy do.  So many things that would make me jump up and down with silly happiness.  But I have to remind myself, the things that may make me happy - probably don't matter to The Boy.


The Boy is happy.  Just as he is.  Doing what he does.  And that's what I choose to focus on.  The things that make him happy.  And all the things he can do.  Because there is so much he can do.  I have a lot to be proud of.  And I have so much to be thankful for.  That's what I want to concentrate on.


Autism has made me better because its forced me to have a different attitude.  It's given me a new perspective on happiness.  It's taught me to appreciate the day to day moments - like a smile, a wave or a spontaneous word.  No accomplishment is taken for granted.  Ever.    


And during those moments, when I cry and feel defeated by the Department of Education all I need to do is look at The Boy.  He gives me the strength to keep going.  He is my proof that I am doing the right thing.  


For those that know me personally, you know I can be a bit of  cynic.  I see the glass half empty on many things. 


But when it comes to The Boy, his progress and our life - I refuse to have that mindset.  I can't and I won't.  Because if I can't believe in him...who will?  


And I believe that anything is possible for The Boy.  


      
Inspired by Many Hats Mommy 'Share Your Strength'                

All You Need Is 10 Minutes

The Boy had me up at 3 am this morning.  I am not even half way through my day.  I.  Am. Tired.  There's another word that I can put between Am and Tired but I try not to be a potty mouth on my blog.  I was supposed to write my blog post on the train this morning.  But I was nestled in between two strangers.  And I'll admit - the extra body heat was just what I need to take a little train nap.  Complete with my head rolling, dreaming and maybe just maybe a little bit of drool.

So needless to say, not a blog post was written this morning.  But it was supposed to be on motivation.  I had a discussion with The Husband over the weekend and I had this whole post written in my mind.  Anyway, I'll just cut to the chase.  

Motivation.  If you want to do something.  You do it.  We all don't have 3 hours a day to do what we want or love to do.  I certainly do not.  But every day I give myself at least 10 minutes.  Don't believe me?  

This post took me 10 minutes.  

Have you taken 10 minutes for yourself today?  

 

We are what we repeatedly do. 

Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.

Aristotle



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