A Winter Walk on Orchard Beach | Sundays in My City {photos}

Earlier this month, we took a long winter walk along Orchard Beach (in The Bronx) and I wrote about the poignant moments between fathers and sons I witnessed that weekend. Today I wanted to share some of the photos I took during our walk. 

From a distance, we saw a boat washed ashore from the storm. It was pretty crazy seeing a boat on the beach.   

What would a walk on the Beach be without looking for seashells? 

And of course, we have to hit the playground. On a cold winter day, it's a nice treat to have the playground to ourself.

Fathers and Sons at the Playground

The summer came and went without a visit to the beach. Without walking along the sand or dipping our feet in the water. 

Over the weekend, we decided to drive to the beach. It's off season and the parking is free and we knew the playground would be empty. 

The Boy loves the beach. We walked up and down the beach holding hands - more out of need than out of want. The Boy wanted to run, take off his shoes, throw himself in the sand and roll around. But it's winter in New York City. And it was a cold November day.

Norrin and Joseph | Orchard Beach | 11/30/13

After walking along the beach, we headed back to the playground. We were right, it was empty. The Husband and I sat on a bench and relaxed while The Boy ran around. Though The Husband and I sat on benches at opposite ends. This playground is large and there are exits on three sides. The Boy was happy, running freely, flapping his hands. It's nice having the playground to ourselves, a little luxury.

And then they came in. A father with his teenage son. I heard him before I saw them. His voice in the midst of changing from boy to man. His voice sounded familiar, though I couldn't understand anything he said. When I turned to look, I saw them on the swings. The father was swinging, gently urging his son to do the same, "Kick your legs…kick your legs like me." The son's arms looped around the swing chains and was moving gently back and forth, "talking" loudly. Nothing he said made sense but I didn't want to assume the son was non-verbal (because I'm sure when The Boy makes his strange loud noises, people assume he can't speak).  

In that moment, I felt such a strong connection to the father. We were all at the playground, at the beach on cold Saturday afternoon because we knew it would be empty, "safe" for our kids. I imagined the father's worries, his joys. I smiled at the father, though I don't think he noticed - his gaze was focused on his teenage son and trying to teach him how to swing.  

I turned my attention to my son. He was standing at the platform in front of a "fireman pole." I could tell he was hesitant. He's fearless in many ways and in other ways, overly cautious. 

"You can do it boy. Just slide down." The Husband said. "I'm here Norrin. I will help you. Slide down."

Norrin slid down and I clapped before his feet touched the ground. I ran over and told him he did a great job. I smiled at The Husband, "That's his first time doing that."

"How do you feel?" The Boy asked.

"I feel proud." I said. 

The Boy was cold and requested hot chocolate. We left the playground, leaving the father and his teenage son to have the space for themselves. It was their turn.

***

Later I asked The Husband about the father and son. "Did you notice them?" I asked. "He reminded me a little of Norrin."

"Yeah," The Husband shrugged and said nothing else.

We don't talk much about autism. We don't talk about what The Boy's future will be like. We don't talk about our worries or fears much. Maybe it's because we'd rather focus on the present. Or maybe it's because it hurts.    

Whenever we see an older boy with autism - it's like looking through a crystal ball. It forces us into the future we are not quite ready for. Sometimes it's easier to look away and say nothing.

***

The next day I took The Boy to the playground by our apartment. Once again we had the park to ourselves. I sat on a bench and let The Boy run free.

After a few minutes another father and son came in. The son was much younger (probably between 4 - 5 years old) and smaller than The Boy. And I was happily surprised when The Boy said, "Hi! Do you want to play with me?" and the young boy obliged. I watched them chase each other around. 

When The Boy tired of tag, he walked over to the swings and the little boy followed him. The Boy is getting so good at swinging on his own. I thought back to the days when he refused to even sit on the swing and marveled at how far he's come.

The little boy yelled out to his father for help. The father - who was sitting at the other end of the park, reading the paper - didn't get up and just yelled at him to "kick his legs." The little boy tried, wriggling his legs but nothing happened. After yelling for help a second time, the father walked over. 

I watched as the father gently pushed his son, instructing him to kick. And I thought about the father with his teenage son from the day before. I thought of The Husband and The Boy. Different fathers, different sons, different parks, different circumstances - same thing. Just three fathers helping their sons. Doing what good fathers are supposed to do.

Neither The Husband nor I know what the future holds for our son. But I know that no matter what happens, The Boy will always have his father to help him along the way.

     

How Autism Impacts Minorities

Dr. Sanjay Gupta and Everyday Health explores how Minorities are disproportionally impacted by the rising autism rates. With less access, it could drive up healthcare costs for all in the long run.

Oh...and I'm also in the video.

You can read the article - Autism Strikes Some Families Harder Than Others - on Everyday Health.

Just to clarify some things in the video:

* Norrin was still getting home base (and center base) services from a SEIT (Special Education Itinerant Teacher) between 3 and 5 years old through CPSE (Center of Preschool Special Education). Unlike like our Early Intervention experience where we got really lucky with an amazing therapist, we went through 6 SEITS in 2 years before hitting the jackpot with a really great person. One SEIT quit after 3 days because of parking (she was used to visiting homes, where she could park in a driveway) and another SEIT told me, "my husband has concerns about me coming to this neighborhood." One agency dropped me after I expressed concerns/complaints about a SEIT.       

* Norrin was placed inappropriately during his kindergarten year. That was the year I had to sue the Department of Education because the school failed to provide an Occupational Therapist. After 8 weeks of paying out of pocket (totaling $1250.00), I was given a waiver letter to continue outside OT services and no longer required to pay out of pocket. The OT was able to bill the Department of Education. I sued the DOE for full reimbursement for the money I spent on OT and later that year, I had to sue again to have Norrin removed from the school. 

* For the last 2 years we've been paying out of pocket for ABA therapy at home (after school) from an agency called Center for Autism and Related Disorders. We use our medical insurance to pay for this therapy. I am very lucky to have a job with really good health insurance coverage (we have an autism advocate that helps file medical paperwork) and thanks to the Affordable Care Act, I live in a state with autism coverage.    

* Over the last five years, I've read many books that were helpful and inspiring. However, they are predominantly written by white, upper middle class women who were able to either move, hire an attorney and/or quit their careers to stay home with their children. These were not options for me. And reading these books in the beginning, I felt as if Norrin would never be able to "get better" since I could do any of the things I was reading about. I now know better.   

Finding The Appropriate School When Your Kid Has Autism #T5Tue

It's TURNING 5 Tuesday - did you miss the first post? Catch up HERE. 

My search for the "appropriate" school placement began in the fall of 2010 - the same time I started this blog. The Boy was going to start kindergarten in September 2011 and I wanted to weigh all the options. I wanted time. 

If you have  child with special needs who will enter kindergarten in the fall of 2014 - NOW is the time to start the process. 

That's right - a whole year. Because it's a long process. So where do you start? I would suggest starting with schools. In New York City - there's a lot of school. Well, not a lot, but enough to keep you busy.

Because you'll need to tour. Gather paperwork (and possibly evidence). Apply. Wait. Cross your fingers, light a candle, say a prayer. And if your kid gets in...be prepared to prove to the Department of Education that it's the most appropriate.

Let me back up...because I can hear all the questions you're yelling at the computer. 

What schools should I tour?  

ALL of them. Seriously. If not all, then as many as you can. Public, private and even the ones you can't afford. Do your research. Ask questions. Browse school websites.

Where do I find special needs schools?

Believe it or not, there are a few ways to find schools that provide special needs services. I started with A Parent's Guide to Special Education in New York City - it really helped. I read through the book, took notes and did further research. 

Then, I attended a special needs school fair at the JCC in Manhattan. This year, it's being held on Thursday, October 24, 2013. You can register for the event - HERE. At the fair, I was able to schedule an appointment to tour, speak to school representatives and get applications. And it was a good way to weed out the schools I knew wouldn't work for The Boy. 

But the best way to find out about schools is to talk to other parents who've been there, done that. If you've never been to a support group - now would be the time to go. For Bronx parents - check out the Bronx Parents Autism Network. There's a meeting on October 8th. Don't be shy about asking parents where their children go to school. 

What about the local public school?

Visit your zone school, even if you know it's not appropriate for your child - just go to say that you did. Visit the DOE website. Make an appointment to tour local District 75 schools. And check out other special education programs like the ASD Nest Program or ASD Horizon program. Visit the NYC Resources page for more information - HERE.

What paperwork do I need? What do I include in the application? 

Most school applications require a recent evaluation (more on that next week) as well as past evaluations. Some applications will ask current teachers to fill out some sections. Applications can be 3 - 15 pages long (yes, I'm serious) and most have a fee (save your money) and a deadline of when to apply. Many schools will like the application before the Christmas break. 

I can feel your head spinning so I'll stop here. Remember the Turning 5 process is a lengthy process and I want to help. There will be more information regarding schools and the application process. So check back every Tuesday. 

And don't forget - there's a FREE Turning 5 Talk on 9/25 and 10/16 - click HERE for more details.    

Our Visit to The Bronx Zoo

We recently purchased a Bronx Zoo Membership. We live minutes away from the Zoo - if I really wanted to, I could walk to it. That's how close we are. Living so close to The Bronx Zoo is one of my favorite things about living where we live. The Boy loves it and we get to spend real family quality time.

Here are some photos from our last visit:

  

In Asia

On the Monorail 

Entering The Children's Zoo 

In the Prairie Dog Hole 

Feria de Salud #PorTuFamilia (The Campaign to STOP Diabetes)

Did you know? 

• An estimated 1.3 million adult New Yorkers (almost 1 in 8) now have diabetes.
• Almost 28% of Latinos and Hispanics in the New York City market, and 31% of African American New Yorkers, have diabetes. 
• In New York City during 2007, 22 African Americans and 23 Latinos of every 100,000 died from diabetes.

I worry about diabetes. The Husband's parents are both diabetic and so is my grandfather. There is also a family history of obesity, heart disease, cholesterol and high blood pressure.   

The Husband is over 40 years old and has been on medication for high cholesterol on and off for the last five years. Being the parents of a special needs child, our personal health is of the utmost importance. We want need to live for as long as we can and be as healthy as possible.

We need to EDUCATE ourselves and modify our lifestyle and eating habits.

We need to teach The Boy how to eat and take care of himself so that he isn't at risk for diabetes.

George Torres aka the @UrbanJibaro of Sofrito for Your Soul has started the social media campaign #PorTuFamilia to raise awareness about Diabetes in the Latino Community. And this Saturday in The Bronx there will be an amazing family friendly event.        

***

Saturday, August 17, 2013
11:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
St Mary's Park 146-148 Street St. Ann's Avenue, Bronx, NY

Feria de Salud is an outdoor community event, that reaches thousands of Latino/Hispanics with the important message that they may be at risk for diabetes. Feria captures the festive elements of a street fair, but maintains the important aspects of choosing and managing a healthier lifestyle for the entire Latino family. Join us for free health screenings, live music and dance, cooking demonstrations, children activites, healthy information and more!

For more information on diabetes please visit - www.diabetes.org

Going Out To Eat When Your Kid Has Autism

Julia Child once said, “Dining with one’s friends and beloved family is certainly one of life’s primal and most innocent delights, one that is both soul-satisfying and eternal.” Julia may be right but dining out with a special needs kid may not be so delightful.

The years before and after my son, Norrin, was diagnosed with autism, dining out was practically impossible. I couldn’t understand how some families could make it look so easy, when we were having such a difficult time.

Once I started to understand the diagnosis and after working with different therapists, I learned that things that come so easily for others, are challenging for children with autism. There were several socialization scenarios Norrin needed to be taught – including dining out in public. I realized that I didn’t want to keep Norrin from having that social experience.

To read how we got Norrin used to dining out, check out my post on Babble: Dining Out with Special Needs Kids - http://www.babble.com/kid/dining-out-with-special-needs-kids/

AND if you'd like to venture out to eat with your special needs kid but not sure where to go,  check out our 6 favorite KID-FRIENDLY Restaurants - http://www.babble.com/kid/kids-welcome-our-6-favorite-kid-friendly-restaurants/

Fathers, Sons & Cars

This is a special Father's Day post written by The Husband aka Joseph Fontanez

***

Over the years since his diagnosis, The Boy and I have connected on many levels with like interests. His love of The Peanuts Gang, the '67 collection Spider-Man cartoons, and my pancakes are an example of things that before I became a parent I had always wanted to share with my child.  

However, it's his love of cars, especially the movie Cars, that we share a bond that seems inherently ingrained in both of us.  I grew up in the era of muscle cars, behemoth coupes, roll down windows, and no AC. My Pop was a "wrencher." Any problems with the family car, and in the '70s there always were, my Pop was out front fixing it. I seemed to have bucked this trend as I have absolutely no knowledge of car repair. That does not mean I do not love cars.  I obsess over their lines, shapes, sounds and smells. As does The Boy.

A few months after The Boy was born, we were getting prepared to take the bus to visit my sister. With The Boy in tow we boarded at the first stop of the BX14. (We did not have a car, and living where we did where parking is as scarce as a Bigfoot sighting, we did not feel the need for one.)  It was 11am on a weekday and we were the only ones on board. The Boy was in his carriage and we proceeded to the back of the bus so that we would not be in anyone's way. Once we sat down the driver followed us and proceeded to berate because The Boy was still in his carriage and would be in someone's way. Still being new parents and feeling overprotective we tried to express our feeling more comfortable with his safety having him in the carriage. The Bus Driver refused to drive the bus until we took The Boy out and sat him on one of our laps. At that point we complied. 

The driver proceeded to drive and between the first stop and the stop where we got off, about 4 1/2 miles later, 3 people boarded the bus. Infuriated and annoyed we left the bus and gave the obligatory Bronx sarcastic, "Have a nice day", and continued on our way. At that moment I said to The Old Lady, "We're getting a car!" It was stated a little more colorfully at the time.

There was really only one car for me and that car was the Subaru Impreza WRX. I had obsessed over this car for years. When I was in Asia 90% of the photos I took were of WRXs. When we were finally able to we bought one in WR Blue, the only color acceptable to me, in April of 2006. I was so happy to not have to depend on public transportation or friends to get our family around. That feeling of independence filled me with pride. Funny how things this trivial can make someone feel so happy, when two years later we would be hit with the news that would leave a pit in my stomach that in some respects still exists today.

It's odd to state that a car could be part of the family. How can an inanimate object be considered a family member? Well, that car has shared in all the ups and downs we have had with The Boy.  It was in The Car where we first openly sobbed after The Boy's diagnosis.  It was in The Car through rain, sleet, and snow that I would take The Boy to therapy and The Old Lady to school. The Car was there for all of The Boy's first days of class. It was there for both of The Old Lady's Graduations, and I am hoping will be there for The Boy's future graduations.

You can tell that I am quite fond of The Car. Just as I had expectations for The Boy, I also had expectations for The Car.  When we purchased it I had hopes that when The Boy graduated High School the car would be his. In my mind it would have been like my Pop buying a '69 Mustang maintaining it and giving it to me at my High School graduation.  (Now I had five other siblings that probably would not be too happy with that sort of arrangement, but I am speaking hypothetically of course.) 

The day The Boy was diagnosed I felt as if that reality was taken away from me.  Crying in the front seat, I felt so uncertain about the future. When I glanced at The Boy sitting in the back, with his curly locks and his cheese smile, I thought to myself, "Screw This!", I was not going to let this bury me. 

It's been five years since his diagnosis and I continue to do my best in maintaining The Car.  It’s had its share of dents and dings, but for the most part it looks good for its age, like myself.
  

I still hold on to the hope of Norrin one day inheriting The Car from me, which adds to my obsessing over every little repair.  That's where The Mechanic (Vittorio Principe) comes in.  Or as Norrin calls him, "The Pit Stop."  Vittorio makes sure that The Car stays in great shape and more importantly, totally gets The Boy.  He has been more than accommodating to The Boy when he visits the shop.  Always willing to give him a tour as The Boy marvels at all the different tools hanging in the shop.  Meeting kind people is essential to The Boy's development, just as The Car is essential to our family. 

The Car at "The Pit Stop"

The Boy with Vittorio

Arthur Avenue Playground (Sundays in My City)

The church bells were ringing, The Boy was covering his ears.

The Money Shot.
Love when I capture a photo that
really shows his joy.

Share your city/town/suburb/you name it with The Unknown Mami! I did :) 

AutismWonderland on News 12 The Bronx

April is Autism Awareness Month and The Bronx is once again doing it's thing to raise awareness. Searching for a story to highlight, the wonderful folks at News 12 discovered my blog and asked if I was interested in being interviewed! Yesterday afternoon, reporter Amy Yensi  paid us a visit.

The show aired Wednesday, April 3 at 9:30 pm during the Health segment of the News. The Boy got such a kick out of seeing us on TV. 

Happy News 12 featured me on their news site - click HERE for the link BUT they did not include the video portion. 

So here's the bootleg version ;) 

The Bronx Raises Autism Awareness {Events}

April is Autism Awareness Month and as a proud Bronx resident, I am proud that the folks of my borough are working hard to raise awareness. I hope you come out and support. Would love to see you at any of these events. But if you can't - hope you think about donating what you can.

Saturday, April 20th
12 pm - 4 pm

Bring the kids out for games, arts & crafts and giveaways!

ROBERTO CLEMENTE STATE PARK

NYSParks.com - Roberto Clemente State Park 

301 West Tremont Avenue

Bronx, NY 10453

For more information contact Melissa Garcia

(718)299-8750 or MELISSA.GARCIA@PARKS.NY.GOV

** 

Friday, April 26
5 pm - 11pm
Autistic Kids Rock Karaoke Fundraiser

Pompeii Lounge
3133 East Tremont Ave
Bronx, New York

Complimentary Buffet, Raffles, and much much more!
21 and over ID Required

For more information check out the Facebook event page - HERE 

If you can't make the event but you'd like to donate - click either link below.
http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/nyc/teamdonomite
http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/nyc/fortheloveofdono

**

Monday, April 29th
11th Annual Charity Golf Classic and Dinner 

Split Rock Golf Course
870 Shore Road
Bronx, NY 

Golfer Package
$175 per person (includes single tee time, cart, fleece and lunch, dinner and drinks) 12pm - 5pm

Dinner Package
$75 per person (includes dinner and drinks) at 5pm

For more information and registration please visit HawthorneCountryDay.org or call 

**

If you have a New York City Autism Awareness Event you'd like to share - feel free to email me at autismwonderland@gmail.com.