How NYC Schools Are Failing Our Children

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I’m not even going to mince words here. I don’t think the New York City Public School System is equipped to handle kids with autism.

Two weeks ago, 14-year-old Avonte Oquendo, ran out of his Queens school and has been missing since. Avonte is autistic and non-verbal. His school is a District 75 school and shares a space with a “typical” school. On the day that Avonte walked out of his school, a security guard asked Avonte where he was going. When he didn’t answer (because he’s non-verbal), the guard let Avonte go, assuming he was “one of the regular kids.”

Autism is an invisible disability and it’s easy for many autistic kids to pass for “regular.” But when there is a population of kids with autism in the same building as “typical” kids, there needs to be training and awareness. Everyone in the building needs to understand what autism is and what it ‘looks’ like. If the Department of Education is not prepared to do that, then maybe they should start creating public schools exclusively for kids with autism and/or special needs.

The school was also aware that Avonte was a runner and in need of “constant supervision.” There is surveillance video of Avonte walking through the school alone and running out of the building. It was also reported that the school waited an hour before notifying Avonte’s mother, Vanessa Fontaine, that her son was missing. When Dennis Walcott (Education Chancellor) was asked about how this could happen, his answer was evasive and Police Commissioner, Raymond Kelly, doesn’t believe the security guard did anything wrong. This should have never happened. Avonte should’ve never been left unattended and he shouldn’t have been able to run out of the school. The public school system failed Avonte and they need to be held accountable.

Read the rest of the article on Babble.com

This Month on Babble

September was a busy month. There was back-to-school and well, back-to-school - because that's enough to keep any parent busy. So busy that maybe you haven't had a chance to read  what's been going on at Babble. 

Catch up with September's Babble posts:

• The Pros and Cons of Being Working Parents
• 7 Tips to Ease Transitions for Kids with Autism
• A Summer of Firsts Captured on Instagram
• Oh! The Things I Would Do If I Had My Kid’s Energy
• 6 Video Games My Son with Autism Loves To Play
• The Only That Matters When Your Kid Has Autism
• Play-Doh: Fun and Therapeutic for Kids with Autism

The Question I Wish People Would Stop Asking

When my husband, Joseph, and I first moved in together, everyone asked when we would get married. When we got married, everyone asked when we would have a kid. Two years later, when I gave birth to our son Norrin, people asked when I was going to have another.

I hadn’t even been given the green light by my Ob/Gyn to get busy again. I was sleep deprived and my breasts were engorged and people were asking if I was ready to “try for a girl.”

The week that Norrin was diagnosed with autism my best friend had her baby shower. Norrin was two and half years old. Attending a baby shower, everyone wants to talk about babies and more babies. The diagnosis was so new. I was angry, heartbroken and confused.  And I wanted to scream each time someone asked, “My son has autism! And I don’t want any more kids.”

I struggled with whether or not to have another child. I knew Joseph wanted more children. My family kept saying we should have another. And every therapist that walked in and out of our home said a sibling would be the best therapy for Norrin. But autism was like this dark cloud hanging over me. I had fallen down this rabbit-hole and I was trying to figure out our new world.

After three years, I decided I was ready. And immediately I was pregnant. As I began to tell friends and family about my pregnancy, they all asked the same question: Are you scared this baby will have autism too?

For years people had asked when I was going to have another kid. Now that I was pregnant, everyone wanted to play on all of my fears. But during my second pregnancy, I was happy. Hopeful. Excited. And I told them that I wouldn’t worry until there was something to worry about. I wanted a baby.

And then during my 16^th week appointment, my Ob/Gyn discovered my baby had died. I had a miscarriage and I didn’t even know.

That was three years and eleven days ago. I haven’t been the same since. And I suppose I never will.

Read the rest over at Babble. Click - HERE.

4 Things Autism Moms May Never Agree On...

They say you should never talk politics or religion because it can easily lead to a heated debate. Well if you're an autism mom add four more things to the list of things one should never talk about. Or at the very least tread lightly until you know the other moms stance. 

Here they are: 

1. Vaccines
2. Gluten Free/Casein Free Diet
3. Whether or not Autism could/should be Cured

 and the 4th may surprise you...Jenny McCarthy

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews.com

If you're an autism mom you either love or loathe Jenny McCarthy. 

Did you hear that she's going to be the new co-host on The View?!

My latest post on Babble.com is 3 Reasons Why I Refuse to Watch Jenny McCarthy on 'The View' and man oh man did I stir the pot or what! 

Read the article - bit.ly/1borNBk

Drake is the "Most Influential Rapper" in Social Media. Too Bad He Uses His Influence To Insult Individuals with Autism.

I grew up listening to hip-hop. My husband and I still listen to it. We listen to it at home and in the car with our seven-year old son, Norrin.  Living in The Bronx, hip-hop and rap music is part of our culture. The Bronx is the borough where hip-hop and rap was born (sorry Brooklyn…you know it’s true). And as a writer, I am often fascinated by the lyrics, the intricacies of the rhyme and word play.

But when I read about Drake’s new song (featuring J. Cole) “Jodeci (Freestyle)” I was so disappointed. The lyrics are lame, hurtful and unworthy of respect. And definitely not the kind of music I want my son to hear.

To read the rest of the article check out my post on Babble.com: 

"Most Influential Rapper in Social Media Insults Autism Community" 

On July 21st - J.Cole wrote an apology and the song has been removed. You can read the apology HERE

Going Out To Eat When Your Kid Has Autism

Julia Child once said, “Dining with one’s friends and beloved family is certainly one of life’s primal and most innocent delights, one that is both soul-satisfying and eternal.” Julia may be right but dining out with a special needs kid may not be so delightful.

The years before and after my son, Norrin, was diagnosed with autism, dining out was practically impossible. I couldn’t understand how some families could make it look so easy, when we were having such a difficult time.

Once I started to understand the diagnosis and after working with different therapists, I learned that things that come so easily for others, are challenging for children with autism. There were several socialization scenarios Norrin needed to be taught – including dining out in public. I realized that I didn’t want to keep Norrin from having that social experience.

To read how we got Norrin used to dining out, check out my post on Babble: Dining Out with Special Needs Kids - http://www.babble.com/kid/dining-out-with-special-needs-kids/

AND if you'd like to venture out to eat with your special needs kid but not sure where to go,  check out our 6 favorite KID-FRIENDLY Restaurants - http://www.babble.com/kid/kids-welcome-our-6-favorite-kid-friendly-restaurants/

Do You Send Your Special Needs Kids to Summer Camp?

As a kid I dreamed of going away to summer camp. I’d see the commercials with the kids running out to the school bus (a happy face was painted on it), waving goodbye to their parents. Then there’d be a montage of the kids swimming, horseback riding, making crafts, playing sports or kayaking – creating childhood memories I knew I would never have.

There was no way my mother would send me away for even a day. Aside from it being too expensive, my mother was extremely protective and she wasn’t going to hand me over to some stranger. It was rare when she let me go visit friends or play outside. If I didn’t go out with my mother, father or family member - I just didn’t go out.

My son, Norrin, is seven years old; my husband and I work outside the home. Summer camp is ideal for many kids of working parents. Unfortunately, it’s not even an option for us.

So what will Norrin do all summer?  Read the rest on Babble click HERE 

Are We Ready to Adopt a Child?

When I was eleven years old my parents decided to open our home to a foster child. I will never forget the first and only newborn baby that entered our lives. We called him “CJ” and he was five days old. He was tiny and plump, with thick ink black hair.

CJ changed the whole dynamic of our home; I saw a side of my mother I had never seen before. I remember coming home from school hearing my mother singing, laughing, fussing over this little baby that needed her in a way my brother and I no longer did. Even my father and brother who rarely showed affection, enjoyed CJ’s company.

Four days later, CJ’s paternal grandmother decided she would be his guardian and CJ was gone.

It was the first time I saw my mother cry. In only four days CJ made us all fall in love. And more than two decades later, I still think of him.

A few months after CJ left, a social worker rang our bell one rainy Tuesday night with a wobbly toddler wearing a yellow and white sweatsuit. Her name was Jennifer. We were cautious at first, not wanting to get too attached. But it didn’t take long for Jennifer to feel like she was part of our family. And we fell in love with her as easily as we did with CJ. Years later when Jennifer was finally eligible for adoption, we didn’t even have to think about it. 

In these last few months, I’ve been considering adopting a child of my own. 

Read the rest click on the link -->  Things to Consider When Thinking of Adoption

Grateful for Autism

When I think back to my childhood, I don’t remember growing up in a world of violence. I don’t remember bombings or mass murder.

Maybe my parents kept me sheltered from it. If they did, I am grateful.

I had the luxury of a carefree childhood. I had the luxury of growing up without worry or fear.

The innocence of my childhood ended on September 11, 2001. I was 25 years old.

Born and raised in New York City, the World Trade Center was part of my everyday life. My aunt had a hair salon there for years. My father worked blocks away. I attended college within walking distance. (The morning the Towers collapsed, I was supposed to go down to school to buy my school books.)

I will never forget the devastation and the loss, I felt on that day. Hours glued to the news, watching, crying, wondering why.

Such acts of hateful violence and mass murder against the innocent was something that belonged to another generation. And suddenly it belonged to mine.

And in these last few years, it seems like there is no safe place for our children. Not at the movies, not in our schools and not standing by the sidelines watching a marathon.

It’s cruel that this generation of children have lost their sense of innocence. It is heartbreaking that little Martin Richard died so violently when all he wanted was people to stop hurting each other and live in peace. At 8-years-old, Martin Richard, only a year older than Norrin, already knew the world could be a horrific place.

Read the rest of the post on Babble - I Envy His Innocence or Copy & paste the link into your browser http://bit.ly/YzcBHs. 

Do You Remember Your 1st Day of Kindergarten?

April 21, is Kindergarten Day – the celebratory birthday of Friedrich Froebe – the man who started the first kindergarten in 1837.

Kindergarten is a major milestone for children and their parents. The first day of kindergarten is one most don’t forget.

I remember my first day of kindergarten. My mother put me on the school bus. It was the first time I was separated from my mother.

I don’t remember crying. I don’t remember my mother crying. Maybe she did after the bus pulled away, though I very much doubt it. It was a different time then.

Besides, when my mother put me on the bus, she knew I’d come home and tell her every detail of my day.

I loved kindergarten. I still remember my teacher’s name: Ms. Kaplan. I loved the bus. Driving through different neighborhoods, singing songs, laughing with friends.

It was one of the happiest school years of my life.

That was a long, long, long time ago.

I will never forget my son, Norrin’s, first day of kindergarten. 

Read the rest on Babble click the link -->  http://bit.ly/15xZjlR

April is Autism Awareness Month

12 posts to raise Autism Awareness:

• Autistic Kids are Amazing 
• Autism in the Middle
• The Milestones and Moments to Celebrate When You Have a Kid with Autism
• 10 Questions you shouldn't be scared to ask about Autism
• 10 Common Autism Terms You Should Know
• I'm Not Waiting for my Son to Grow out of Autism
• What To Say to an Autism Parent
• "He Doesn't Look Autistic" and Other Misconceptions
• How to be Friends with an Autism Parent
• 5 Things You Don't Know About an Autism Parent
• No Need to be Sorry and Other Things You Shouldn't Say to an Autism Parent
• My Son has Autism. No need to say I’m sorry.

Autism Through the Years

The year I was born, the number of children diagnosed with autism was 1 in 5000. And I went through my school-age years and then some never knowing what autism was or anyone who had it. As I grew older, I had an idea it existed but it wasn’t anything I knew about.

It wasn’t until 2008, at the age of 33,  that I really learned what autism was.

Read the rest on Babble: 1 in 50 School-Age Kids Have an Autism Diagnosis. What does it really mean?

***

Catch up on some of my other Babble posts:

• My Son has autism. No need to say I’m sorry.
• Autistic Kids are Amazing 
• Autism in the Middle
• The Milestones and Moments to Celebrate When You Have a Kid with Autism

The Boy's 1st NY Road Runners Kids Race

I scanned the crowd of excited kids and anxious adults. There were too many to count. Too many to be out so early on a bitter cold Sunday morning. The wind whipped as we waited for the race to begin. Not only was it Norrin’s first New York Road Runners Kids Race, it was his first race with ‘typical’ kids.

There was music blaring. Kids laughing and chatting. Parents gossiping, running in place trying to keep warm. There were cops and volunteers with their bull horns, whistles and walkie talkies. And all I kept thinking was, could my son do this? What if Norrin ran away? What if he got lost in this crowd? I cursed myself for not thinking of bringing his ID necklace.

The kids were divided by age groups. Norrin was with the seven to nine year-olds and among them, he stood out. It is only among Norrin’s typical peers that autism is painfully obvious. The other kids are waiting with their friends, while my husband, Joseph, and I stand on either side Norrin – each of us holding a hand. Praising him for his “good waiting” and explaining the instructions of the race.

I turned to Joseph, “Maybe Norrin should run with the five to six year olds?”

Read the rest on Babble Kid by clicking HERE

Autistic Kids Are Awesome...Just Ask The People Who Love & Understand Them

Earlier this week, I read a post promoting an Autism Positivity flash blog carnival to raise awareness regarding autistic adults. Initiated by autistic blogger, Alyssa of “Yes, That Too” after the pro-autistic Facebook page Âû  (Autistic Union) shared disturbing Google search auto options forAutistics are and Autistics should. The carnival welcomes bloggers to share their stories of Autistics are and Autistic should ”[to change] search strings and the search results by way of putting good things out there.”

The post led me to search Autistic Kids Are and Autistic Kids Should and the results were equally disturbing.

Read the rest of this post on Babble Kid --> Autistic Kids Are Amazing. Autistic Kids Should Be Understood. I asked some autism moms to share some amazing things about their kids.

Why I Will NOT Watch The #Oscars (and 8 Things I'll Be Doing Instead)

I love movies. And I love Hollywood gossip and glamour. But I just can't sit through the awards shows. I don't watch any of them. Not even The Oscars.

There are 2 two mains reasons why I will not watch The Oscars®:

I haven't seen any of the Oscar® picks (at least I don't think I have). I'm not even sure who's nominated. But I keep hearing something about Argo and Les Miserables. (I know who's in them...just haven't seen them. I mean, I just saw The Artist - last year's fave.) The Husband and I love movies. We have a pretty impressive DVD collection. But we don't actually go out to the movies. We so rarely have a night out together that going to a movie together is impossible. 

The last movie we saw together was The Hobbit - and we took a vacation day for a day date. And before that, the last movie I went to see was the last Twilight movie and I saw that on a Sunday morning by myself. And The Husband That's what going to the movies have come down to for us - the rare vacation day/day date and going to the movies solo.

I have no desire to watch people at a fabulous party. Because that's what I feel like The Oscars® is - a big fabulous party to which I am not invited. I mean if your next door neighbors were throwing a huge gala would you spend three to four hours staring out your window? Probably not. I guess that's why people have Oscar® viewing parties - so they feel like they are in on the action. But I'm not hosting people on a Sunday night when I have to work the next day and I'm certainly not going out on a Sunday night when I have to work the day so...

Why bother watching?

What will I be doing instead?

1. Writing - I have lots of deadlines and exciting stuff coming up.
2. Trying to get The Boy to go to sleep.
3. Prepping for the week - folding clothes, getting The Boy's clothes together...
4. Washing dishes - because there are always dishes to wash. 
5. Washing my hair - it's a process
6. Scrolling through Facebook and Twitter reading everyone's update.
7. Contemplating whether I should tune in to watch after reading someone's update to see what they're talking about.
8.  Asking The Husband for the remote control for 2 seconds so I could change the channel and watch a few minutes. Because ultimately, I'm a nosy neighbor and I can't resist just sneaking a peak. (He will most likely say no. And I'll be okay with it.)

Will you be watching? Have you see any of the picks?

And if you won't be watching and wondering what to do instead, may I suggest catching up on my Babble posts this week? (And even if you are watching ...there are always the commercial breaks and the categories no one really cares about.)

10 Common Autism Terms That You Should Know

I'm Not Waiting for my Son to Grow out of Autism

10 Milestones & Moments Worth Celebrating

Our Valentine's Day

Valentine's is a day of love and remembrance. Some memories are painful. We honor the loved ones no longer living. And embrace the ones who are. 

Our Valentine's was like any other day. The Husband and I went to work. The Boy went to school. And after work, I went to class and The Husband and The Boy picked me up. 

We got stuck in traffic. And The Boy puked in the back seat. So...that was fun. We came home, I threw the puke clothes in the wash and cleaned The Boy up and got him ready for bed. 

The Husband and I dined on chicken nuggets and chips. Because we're fancy. 

The Husband gave me a pair of running sneakers to go with the new workout pants he bought me...he's trying to give me a big hint.

And when I opened The Boy's school bag, I found this. My heart melted a little. 

Valentine's Day 2013

If you're feeling extra lovey dovey...check out my other posts of the day. 

No Words Required on Babble

How Kids With Autism Express Their Love on Parents.com

The Many Hats of an Autism Mom

Being an autism mom isn't easy. There are too many hats to wear. And only one woman to wear them. I am: teacher, therapist, chef, chauffeur, caregiver, provider, money manager, secretary, social worker, translator and lawyer.  

You get the point.

But there's one hat in particular, I wish I could where more often.

After The Boy was diagnosed with autism, we started working with an ABA therapist. Once a week, the therapist would give us homework. Nothing major, just activities for us to work on when she wasn't around.

One of our assignments was to read Brown Bear, Brown Bear - three times a day. As a working mom, doing anything three times a day with my son was difficult. But I made the time. We woke up a few minutes earlier and I read Brown Bear at breakfast. When I come home from work, I read it before dinner. And at bedtime, I read it again.

But I wasn't just reading the book, I was pointing at pictures. Taking his fingers and helping him point. Asking questions on each page and answering them myself because he didn't have any language. 

I was doing this three times a day, every day for months. Months. The same book.

Now, I'm a reader and I was reading to The Boy since he was in the womb. And after he was born, I loved rocking him to sleep with a good book. But suddenly, this assignment took our bonding time and turned it into work.

Read the rest over on Babble Kid - HERE.

Who's the New Blogger at #Babble?

In case you missed the announcement last week on Facebook and Twitter - It's ME!! 

I'll be over on Babble Kid blogging 3 days a week.

I can't even tell you how excited & grateful I am about this new opportunity. When I first started blogging, it was something that began just for me...now my blog, my writing has turned into so much more.

Check out my first three posts: 

Blogging is So Much Cheaper Than Therapy

The Inevitable

I Broke a Rule in Front of My Kid