I Can't Believe I'm Going to BlogHer! #BlogHer12Newbie

In two days, I will be at the Annual BlogHer Conference  and I'm sort of freaking out.  

Technically BlogHer will be my third conference.  Remember back in April I was invited to speak at Hispanicize and then in May I had the honor of being named one of the Top Blogueras and invited to The White House.  

Don't get me wrong, I was nervous then too.  But Hispanicize, I had to travel to Miami.  It was my first big trip away from The Boy and I was speaking on a panel.  That occupied most of my worry.  And DC was a small group of about 70 women - many I met at Hispanicize.    

But this is BlogHer!  The mother of all blog conferences for women.  Like thousands of women.  Women from all over the world.  Major bloggers, mega brands and powerhouse social media influencers and experts.  

I mean check out the Keynote speakers: Martha Stewart (Oooohhh)  Katie Couric (What?!), Soledad O'Brian (OMG!!!), Malaak Compton-Rock (YAY!) and Christy Turlington Burns (Whoa...)!    

And in the same room as these women, will be me.  Me?  And there's this small part of me that feels like I'm crashing the party.  Kinda like how Baby felt when she walked into the party with Billy and she meets Johnny for the first time.  That will be me, walking into the Hilton feeling shy, slightly insecure, weighed down with a watermelon and wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into.  (Okay, maybe not carrying an actual watermelon...)    

I am nervous but also giddy with bloggy girl excitement!
   

There's Thursday - the Health Minder Day.  I'll get to listen and learn from some pretty amazing ladies like, Ellen of Love That Max, Kristina Chew,  Susan Senator and Laura Shumaker.          

I get to hang with my Amigas: Ruby and Rachel.  And so many more fabulous blogueras.   

I'll get to meet (for the first time!) some of favorite Special Needs/Autism Mom bloggers.  But I'll let Alysia tell you who since we're both excited about the same people.  

I'll also be in my hometown of NYC.  Which means, no hassle and expense of traveling or packing since the hotel is only a subway ride away.  Also being in NYC adds to my comfort level of what to wear.  I'm a pretty jaded New Yorker and as a former party girl - I never really worry if I'm over dressed or under dressed so long as I feel good in what I'm wearing.        

I'm excited about the parties, meeting new people and networking.  

I'm excited because I am doing something for me.  I am investing in myself.  And that in itself is worthy of celebration.     

Come to think of it, maybe there's nothing to be freaking out about after all.  Maybe three times really is the charm.  

And maybe I'll have the time of my life...so long as no one puts me in a corner.  (Did you think I could post a Dirty Dancing photo without quoting those lines?)

If It Works For Madonna...

I have loved Madonna since I was a in the 4th grade.  I remember the day when I walked to Sam Goody to buy the Like a Virgin tape.  That's right kids, I said tape.  I played the title song over and over again having no clue what the words meant but belted it out at the top of my lungs.  

And since that day in I have seen Madonna evolve over and over again.  She is hailed as the Queen of Reinvention.  Because she's always reinvented herself at just the right times of her life.  I've admired her for it.  She is fearless and thinks nothing of reinventing her image when it suits her.  And with every change, she's become more successful, more refined, more powerful and more fabulous.

Some of my favorite Madonna looks through the years

Today is Fadra's last Sunday hosting the Stream of Conciousness Meme post and it's about reinvention.  I don't participate often but since it's her last one and I've always enjoyed writing them - I decided to link up one last time.  And the theme of reinvention works with what I am going through right now. 


I am trying to reinvent myself.  Well, my outer self.  


I am sitting on the sofa as I type this; my entire body is sore from exercising.  Today was the third day in a row that I've made the conscious decision to work out.  To get in shape.  To live healthier.  To hopefully, live longer.  


I have been struggling with my weight for the last two years.   And last June I wrote a post about The Weight of Autism.  Thinking that I was going to make the effort.  But since that post, I've gained more weight.  I know what it is - I've spent the last few years craving comfort from all the wrong places.


And while the comfort I crave feels so good in the moment.  I know, it's time for me to seek comfort elsewhere.  


Because every time I step on the scale, I cringe.  


Every time I have to squeeze into a pair of jeans that used to fit, I curse myself. 


Every time I have to look for a shirt that conceals my muffin top, I hate it.


Every time I put something on only to realize it no longer fits, I wonder - how could I let this happen?


In less than 3 months I will be one more year closer to 40.   And in the last few months I've had some serious wake up calls regarding health and the choices I've been making.  


It's time to make changes.    


When I was in the 4th grade, I wanted to wear white lace gloves and black rubber bracelets because Madonna wore them.  


Decades later, I'm still taking lessons from the Madonna handbook.

What The NYC Public School Special Education System Really Needs

Pardon the shameful social media self promotion. 
I'm on Pinterest.  Look for me - LaliQuin (same as my twitter name) Add me.  Repin me.  
And if you're not on Pinterest yet?  Why not?  Go ahead, sign up...yeah, it's a wee bit confusing (at least it is for me)  But let's figure it out together.  Because you've got to be in it to PIN IT. 

Back to the Future...with Special Needs Ryan Gosling

What do you wish Special Needs Ryan Gosling could make for you?

  And just in case you have no idea what I'm referencing...click HERE. 


For more Special Needs Ryan Gosling laughs, snark & wishful thinking...check out Adventures in Extreme Parenthood

Ready to create your own?  Here's what to do:

• Make your Special Needs Ryan Gosling poster(s) then enter your name and blog address below and we can visit each other's blogs and have a good laugh.
• Be sure to check back often in the days to come because the list may grow as others see our posts and want to join in on the fun.  Also, if you share your blog post on Twitter please add the #SNryangosling hashtag so that it will streamline all the posts together.  
• Stay tuned next Wednesday for the new Ryan Gosling photo and link up with Sunday again next Friday!
• Dont forget to grab Sunday's button

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

The Boy - he spotted the tree he wanted. 

 Christmas Chotchkies

We just throw on the lights...My mother will probably rearrange tomorrow.

Every tree needs a little Lisa :) 

Though not really sure if every tree needs a Giants ornament...but don't you just love the Abominable Snowman?

And because we don't have a real deal nativity, we substitute with The Simpsons.  

What's a Sunday like in your City?   
Unknown Mami wants to know!  
Go on over to Sundays In My City. 

I Need(ed) a Time Out

I haven't posted a blog in over a week.  I haven't read any of my favorite blogs.  (I've missed you.) I haven't spent much time on Facebook or Twitter.  And I haven't sent out any emails unless absolutely necessary. 

I still have 2 short stories to work on for one of my classes.  I still have one last book to read. My last day of class is Tuesday.  And Tuesday can't come fast enough. 

This semester. Kicked. My. Butt.  

I purposely missed registration for next semester. I'm only 4 classes away from graduating with an MFA. But I'm going to take a semester off.  I'm trying to tell myself that I'm not quitting or dropping out.  I just need the break.  I know that I'm too close not to finish.  There are just other things going on that need my attention.

Yesterday, we took The Boy to see another developmental pediatrician - we're trying to get another evaluation done.  And start the headache of the medicaid waiver.  The doctor also asked if The Boy is on medication.  He isn't.  I know it's a conversation we may need to have.  But that's for a whole other blog post. 

Do you know there are only 15 days until Christmas Eve?  We haven't put a tree.  Waiting until next weekend for that.  We just started our holiday shopping.  Will I send out cards?  I'm still undecided.  But even if I don't send out cards, it's not that I don't like you.  I just didn't have time this year. 

I don't know about you but we LOVE watching Charlie Brown's Christmas. 

"I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel." ~  Charlie Brown

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Play along! Don't know how?  Check out Mrs. 4444 at Half Past Kissin Time for more Friday Fragments.

Movies that make me cry the ugly cry

So last Wednesday I asked "Can You Name That Movie?" and posted 4 pictures from films that have both inspired me and turned me into a sobbing hysterical snot sniffling mess.  

Now I'm ready to tell you what films and why.

A Streetcar Named Desire - If you've never read or seen Streetcar - you should.  I've read the play several times, seen the movie hundreds and saw it when it came to Broadway.  I could say so much on this movie but I don't want this to turn into a literary critique.  It's the one scene and one line I want to focus on: "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."


So many special needs parents depend on "the kindness of strangers." The bus drivers and matrons, the school security guards and social workers, receptionists, aides, teachers, therapists, nurses, doctors - are just a few of the strangers, parents and children encounter.  Parents of special needs children depend on the kindness and humanity of these professionals.  I know I depend on them.  The Boy is not the kind of child who can tell me when something is wrong, I need to trust these strangers; trust that they will fill in the gaps and keep me in the loop. 


I get that for many it's just a job.  But it has to be thought of as so much more.  I've encountered my fair share of employees who are quick to tell you what their job description is.  But some jobs need that little extra step.  When those steps are taken, it's appreciated.        

Terms of Endearment - No matter how many times, I see this movie, this scene makes me cry the ugliest of the ugly cry.  It reminds me so much of my relationship with my mother - except, I wasn't an only child and we didn't have Renoir's hanging on the walls and my mother did not do the do with an astronaut.   

Anyway...in this scene Aurora Greenway yells, "I don't understand why she has to have this pain. All she has to do is hold out until ten, and IT'S PAST TEN! My daughter is in pain, can't you understand that! GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!"  I can't handle it.  I cry.  And it's messy and it's ugly.  

Not that The Boy is in pain but sometimes I sit in IEP meetings and I just want to scream,  "JUST GIVE MY KID THE SERVICES!"  And the fact that I am STILL waiting for The Boy to get the OT services mandated on his IEP, the fact that last week, in a meeting I was promised an RSA letter to start services and the fact that I have sent 3 emails, left 2 voicemails and actually spoke to a human being and I'm still waiting for that damn RSA letter - I am 60 seconds away from rolling into some one's office and pulling an Aurora.  Seriously.    Again...going back to the whole "kindness of strangers" thing.  

Mask (based on a true story) - For those that know me personally, know that I obsess over 4 women: Cher, Madonna, Barbara and Joan (Crawford - google her if you must).

  

So back to Cher.  I haven't thought about Mask in a long time and then for some reason this line just popped into my head - "First you told me he was gonna be retarded, then you told me he was gonna be blind AND deaf. If I'd dug his grave every time one of you geniuses told me he was gonna die, I'd be eating fuckin' chop suey in China by now!"  

I admire Cher's character - Rusty Dennis.  I understand her - even though our circumstances are extremely different.   This line is powerful.  It's about the faith that only a mother can have.  In spite of what doctors tell her, she has faith in her child.  Hope is the best kind of medicine/therapy.  And for many us, it keeps us going.       

(I chose this picture because I think The Husband can totally rock this look. He has Sam Elliott hair!)      

Forrest Gump - There are so many quotable lines from this movie.  But there is one that I especially love.  "Remember what I told you, Forrest. You're no different than anybody else is. Did you hear what I said, Forrest? You're the same as everybody else. You are no different." 

The Boy may see the world differently and learn differently but essentially he is just like any other 5 year old boy.  The Boy likes Sponge Bob, Cars and Star Wars.  The Boy laughs and cries and feels like any other kid. 

And The Boy's potential is like any other kid - unlimited.  



What movie/movie character do you identify with? 
What movie(s) make you cry the ugly cry?
   

One of these things is not like the other...

Remember last Wednesday's post?  I'm revealing the answers tomorrow.  (Seriously, I am.)  I wrote it up last week and it got deleted so I had to rewrite it.

Can You Name That Movie?

Just a few of my favorite movie moments.  
Tomorrow I'll tell you why.

Beware of El Cuco, Not Johnny Depp

When it comes to Halloween, I'm probably the least fun person in the world.  I don't care for dressing up or watching scary movies.  Sleepy Hollow is about as scary as I'll get and I really only watch that because my Johnny (swoon) is in it.  Come to think of it, the only other scary movie I'm up for watching is Nightmare on Elm Street - also featuring Johnny.  I'm beginning to see a pattern here...

So the point is - I am not one of those people who enjoys being scared poopless.  No I don't want to watch The Shining or Paranormal Activities or a Friday the 13th movie.  No I don't want to go into the haunted house at the amusement park. I am not that kind of gal.  I scare too easily - my imagination goes into overdrive.  The few times I've been forced to watch scary movies, they've kept me up all night (with all the lights on), for many nights following.  NOT FUN!  I dare not mention any of them, I'd like to get some sleep tonight.  

  

Fear of things that go bump in the night, often begins at childhood.  Growing up, the thing that scared me the most was El Cuco.  For those unfamiliar with El Cuco, it is the Latino equivalent to the Boogey Man.

I don't even know what El Cuco look likes.  But I imagined him as a crazy looking monster of a man, with rotting teeth, blood red eyes and filthy claw like hands.  El Cuco lurked in the dark, doing horrible things to children who disobeyed their elders. 

These horrible things were never quite explained but at 5 years old, I wasn't taking any chances. 



Not really El Cuco
but if I had to imagine him,
this is really close.
(painting by Francisco Goya)

While my mother threatened me with her chancla, my father threatened me with El Cuco. 

El Cuco was always going to get me.  It was my father who put this fear of El Cuco in my young mind. He would quickly flicker the lights on and off a few times, "El Cuco's going to get you!" he'd yell.  And I'd scream, begging forgiveness and promising to behave. 

I remember some nights falling asleep with my hand wrapped tightly around my bed rails, just in case El Cuco had plans of snatching me in my sleep.  Which in retrospect seems stupid because (a) if El Cuco really wanted me he would have cut off my hand and (b) El Cuco is not even real so why I am even analyzing this...

What was your  childhood fear?   

Post inspired by Mama Kat "Something that scared the Hell out of you when you were a child. (inspired by Mama Sick)"
   

The Boy as Boba Fett





Wordless Wednesday photo inspired by 10/11/11 post  

 Like Father, Like Son

22 Things I've Never Done Before

For those that know me personally, you know that I have a goofy sense of humor and that whenever possible I can laugh at pretty much anything - especially at my own expense.  So when I came across this prompt and saw how much fun other blog writers had with it, it inspired me to write one myself.

22 Things I've Never Done  

Nor do I (most likely) have any intention of doing.   

So here it is (in no particular order) 

 I am 36 years old.  

And I have never:

1. Watched a single episode of General Hospital, Days of Our Lives, Dallas, Dynasty or Falcon Crest.  Seriously.  I have no idea why - I am all about tacky, trashy, over the top TV.


2. Said the words "Let's get outta here."  (Did you know this phrase was "the most common scripted line in all Hollywood productions between the late 30s to the mid 70s?")  


3.  Danced on a table.  Though I'm sure I've been tipsy enough where I considered doing so.  Come to think of it, this, I might do - if ever given the opportunity. 


4.  Been double dogged dared to stick my tongue to a flagpole. 

5.  Eaten bulls testicles.  I'll leave that to Anthony Bourdain.


6.   Been on a cruise - the Bahamas booze cruise does not count and neither does the Circle Line.  A vacation cruise is one thing I have absolutely no desire to do - ever.  


7. Entered a mosh pit.  I get annoyed during #6 train rush hour.  How the hell can I survive a mosh pit?  And I don't want to get hurt.  And people who enter the pit scare me a little.


8.  Been assigned to a quest, journey, secret mission or covert operation.  (I believe there is still time for this.)


9. Returned worn underwear.  I worked retail for many many many years - including the lingerie department at A&S - you would be totally surprised and grossed out by the things women will return.


10. Put a message in a bottle and thrown it out to sea.

 

11. Stormed out of a room and yelled, "You haven't heard the last of me!"  (Though I think this EVERY SINGLE TIME walking out of a DOE meeting.)


12. Really told my parents just how much I appreciate them & love them.  (This is something I will have to do.)


13.  Made someone a mixed tape.  Yes,  a tape.  Not a CD, not a play list - an actual tape.  Can you even buy tapes anymore?


14.  Gone scuba diving.


15.  Jumped out of a plane.


16. Stalked my celebrity crush - that's you Mr. Johnny Depp.

17.  Walked down a yellow brick road. (Or fallen down a rabbit hole.) 


18. Dressed up as Princess Leia or Wonder Woman for Halloween.


19. Read any of my writing out loud.


20.  Traveled down Niagara Falls in a barrel.

21.  Belted out a song in public while listening to my iPod. The people who do this really fascinate me.  Especially when they sing horribly - I sort of admire that kind of courage.


22.  Watched Foot Loose.  The original with Kevin Bacon.  I'm actually ashamed of this one.

Have you done of any of these things? 

If so, then you 

(A) kick ass and 

(b) NEED to tell me ALL about it.  

Here. Now.  

And even if you haven't done any of these things,
please tell me so, that way I don't feel so alone.  
Thanks :)

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Post inspired by the prompt "list 22 things you've never done," from Mama's Losin' It as borrowed from The Pioneer Woman.  

The Living Thing Inside Your Child (Rediscovering Puff the Magic Dragon)

I loved watching Puff the Magic Dragon growing up.  However, a few months ago, I watched it again with The Boy.  We'd been reading Peter Yarrow's Puff the Magic Dragon to The Boy at bedtime and thought it would be fun to watch the 1978 TV special.

When I watched the opening scene, I couldn't help but start crying (I know, I am a big ol cry baby).  Because little Jackie Draper sounded like he may have had autism.          

Bald Doctor: We have come to the conclusion that your son...

Tall Doctor: Will not, nor can not...
Short Doctor: Speak, communicate, nor indeed...
Bald Doctor: Relate in any way to the world around him.
Jackie's Father: But doctors, we know that. He hasn't said a word in such a long time.
Mother: Can't you give us some hope that he will finally speak?
Tall Doctor: Alas, the case is hopeless.

Considering the year this was written in the 1970s, I could very well imagine doctors telling parents that their children were hopeless.  Then Puff comes on the scene.  And I see Puff as this hippy ABA sort of therapist who is determined to find the ''living thing" inside Jackie Draper.      

Puff: Now, I'm going to borrow the living thing inside you and place it INSIDE Jackie Paper. Your living thing. You wonder what it is? It is that what causes you to laugh and to cry and to care. It is that which makes apples crunchy and tells your nose to tingle on a crystal winter's morning. It's kept in your left ear, you know.

Isn't that what we all work towards with our children - finding the Living Thing?  The thing that makes our children laugh and cry; the thing that allows them to relate to us and the world around them.  The thing that allows them to imagine, to nurture their creativity, their empathy.

I know it's what we work towards.  We use books, toys, more books and music.  If one thing doesn't work, we move on to something else.  Sometimes we reintroduce  things that haven't worked in the past - hoping it could work the second or third time around.  The thing is we keep trying.  We never see The Boy as a hopeless case.  All of our children have the Living Thing within them.  Sometimes, it just takes parents, caregivers, teachers, siblings, family members a little longer to find it.       

We are like Puff.  Looking for all sorts of fancy stuff.   Trying and always hoping.  Having the courage to try new things - because even if we're not successful at one thing, at least we know we've made the effort.  And we continue to have the courage to move and try other things.

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Watch Puff the Magic Dragon (in 3 parts)