TGIF | Friday Fragments {Ugly Crying & Challenges}

I am a HUGE How I Met Your Mother Fan. If you've never seen an episode of How I Met Your Mother or if you used to watch but got bored waiting for Ted to meet the "Mother" - Monday night's 200th episode was one of THE BEST of the entire series and one you should watch. Truly worth the wait, because they nailed it. And by the time we got to the First Song, I was ugly crying. You may want to grab some tissues before watching.  

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Earlier this week I tweeted a comedian who used "autistic" to make fun of someone's dancing. You will NEVER believe the response I got! You can read all about it, HERE.

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I've been participating in the #365FeministSelfie Challenge created by Veronica of Viva La Feminista. I love seeing what other women are sharing across social media. Don't feel pressured to do it every day - I certainly don't.  Below is the Instagram picture that I shared on Monday morning while on my way to work. But my pictures throughout the week tell a different story and by today...my #365FeministSelfie is looking a wee bit different.    

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And speaking of challenges...It's about time I start challenging myself. I gained a lot of weight in 2013 and I really need to get it under control. I began 2014 tipping the scale at 175lbs. I need to get motivated. I need to get back in the gym and working out at home and eating better. So starting tomorrow February 1st (ending March 2nd) I'm doing the Athleta 30 Day Squat Challenge. Will you join me?  

TGIFriday Fragments! 

TGIF | Friday Fragments

Last night I made the mistake of staying up late to watch a movie and went to bed after midnight. By 3am, I was woken up by The Boy. I heard the pitter patter of his flat feet hitting the parquet floors and a door slam. I jumped out of bed and into The Boy's room and saw his blanket was missing. I felt his sheet. It was wet. We started nighttime potty training.

"Where's your blanket?" I asked The Boy.

"I put it in the laundry," The Boy replied. 

He actually put the blanket in the dryer. And he never went back to sleep. Which meant, I never went back to sleep. 

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I checked my bank account and saw $30 spent on Apple iTunes. The Boy figured out the passcode and ordered $30 in Apps. YAY! for typical age appropriate sneaky kid behavior. BOO! for $30 in Apps that he'll probably serve no purpose.  

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The Boy turned eight years old last Sunday. Eight! That's two years away from ten. And five years from being a teen… Okay, I'll stop now. 

Like most moms, I reflect and wonder where the time went. I wish I could will time to stand still. And I think about his future. Thinking about his future usually keeps me up at night. The Boy's birthday is celebrated but it brings about such complex emotions.

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And last Friday night I was given a makeover. I don't get gussied up often, but when I do I need a team to make it happen. More details on that next week. 

TGIFriday Fragments! 

Life Lessons, Christmas Miracles & Gift Giving Fails | #FridayFragments

It's been way too long since I've linked up with Mrs. 4444's Friday Fragments but I want to get back in the swing of (blog) things so here we go...

Earlier this week I took The Boy to a holiday party at work. We had our challenges but The Boy was being very chatty. After I left, a coworker (who met The Boy for the first time) told another coworker (a woman who's known The Boy since he was an infant) "I thought her son has autism."

The coworker believed that all children with autism are non-verbal. My other coworker (a woman who has no children or any experience with kids with autism, other than The Boy) explained The Boy's autism and how far he has come.

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December 2010

This year The Boy is especially excited about Christmas and it's one of those little things most parents take for granted. Seeing and hearing his excitement makes me think back to the holiday season of 2010 when he was just starting to get it. I wrote a post, The Moment I Forgot About Autism, (it's one of my favorite essays I've written about our autism journey and I think one of my best). It's about one our very first back and forth conversations. And what made it extra special was that it was about Christmas. I hope you take the time to read about our holiday 'miracle' moment. 

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Every year I worry about what to get my parents for Christmas. They're tough to shop for. They don't want anything, they don't need anything. They are very simple people. I had this idea to buy them tickets to a concert - a Parranda (my friend Melanie of Modern Mami explains it really well and shares a yummy recipe!). The concert highlighted 3 well known old-school Puerto Rican folk singers. I just knew my parents would love it! 

Except…I forgot to tell them. I forgot the tickets were for last Saturday (12/15). And last Saturday, there was a major snowstorm here in New York. Fortunately my friend called me around 4pm to remind me about the concert. Unfortunately by the time I got in touch with my parents - it was too late for them to travel. And I didn't want them to travel during such crappy weather.

I went to the concert and had a good time. It was probably one of the best gifts I've ever gotten my parents (aside from photos of their only grandson) too bad they couldn't enjoy it.

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Do you use Elf on the Shelf with your kids? I do and it works so well for The Boy! However, this week has been pretty hectic so I forgot to move for a few days and our mornings have been rushed because they changed the bus pick up time so we haven't been playing. Tuesday morning, The Boy asks "Hey momma where's Elfie?" He starts giggling as he sees me looking around for Elfie - since he's not where I last saw him. The Boy took it upon himself to move the Elf to another shelf. 

Declarations of Love (Autism Style)

On Monday I came home later than usual. The Boy held the door open for me, watching as I walked down the hallway. He waited for me to come in before running back to his room. No hello. No kiss. No hug. 

The Husband later told me that minutes before I rang the bell, The Boy stood at the door and burst into tears. When The Husband asked what was wrong, The Boy said "I want to see Mommy."

Later The Boy sat next to right on top of me. "Norrin why were you crying?" I asked him.

"Because, I missed mom." 

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Every Wednesday it's the same thing. The Boy gets off the bus, smiling brightly and asks, "Can I get ice cream?"

No hello. No kiss. No hug. 

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that he is capable of asking an age appropriate question. But I wonder if his smile is for me or at the thought of a Mr. Softee ice cream cone.

"Who do you want to go get an ice cream with?" I ask.

The Boy reaches for my hand as we cross the street and says, "With mom."

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Last night I was sick with a fever. The Husband gave me medicine and within minutes, I was feeling drowsy. I lay in bed, wrapped in my blanket when The Boy pounced on me. "Mommy's sick," I said, "please let me rest."

"Do you need to spit (throw up)?" The Boy asked. And before I could answer, he said, "I'll go get the bucket!"

The Boy ran down the hall and back. He placed the bucket on the floor next to me. Then he tucked my blanket around my shoulders. And he let me sleep.

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What declarations of love have your children shown you this week?    

  

Resolutions, Anniversaries & Graduations

This week I cried many happy tears.

For the 2nd time this year, I had to file for an Impartial Hearing.  I filed the paperwork on my own and with no legal representation.  And on Tuesday The Husband and I met with a person from the school district for a resolution meeting.  

I know some folks will say we got what we wanted.  It's never been about getting what we want.  It's been getting what The Boy NEEDS.  

You know that saying "The squeaky wheel gets the oil"?  That's what I've heard ever since The Boy was diagnosed with autism and I had to advocate to make sure his needs were met.

I'm totally okay with being the squeaky wheel if it means, The Boy gets what he needs.  I mean, "Squeaky" was my high school nickname.  

And because I've been squeaking all year long, The Boy will be starting a new school in July.    It has been a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.   And I am extremely grateful to the man who helped lift that weight.

The Husband and I celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary on Wednesday.  I wanted to write a whole post about that...but it will have to wait.  We didn't exchange cards or gifts - I think we've both been preoccupied with all the crazy of this week.  

On Thursday The Husband attended an award ceremony at The Boy's school.  I couldn't go because I had to work.  But I was super proud that The Boy got an award in Technology.  I'm not surprised -  I mean, did you read yesterday's post?  But it was nice to see that his computer teacher recognized how hard he's worked this year.

This morning The Boy graduated kindergarten.  It's been such a long, difficult year.  For the both of us.  And it was difficult to sit through the graduation for many reasons.  And of course I cried.  Again, for many different reasons.  I'll post graduation pics next week.  

And now - I'm ready for the weekend.  I think we'll take a drive out to Connecticut - to the aquarium or the children's museum.  

What are your plans for the weekend?  

And One Time at Atlantic City...

It's June 1st and there are about 15 days left of the school year...not like I'm counting or anything. 

There was so much I wanted to write about during the month of May but I just never got around to it.  I wanted to write about my mom, Mother's Day and specifically about The Boy's 4 year Autism diagnosis anniversary.  He's come so far and I'm so proud.  But those posts are in drafts, I just can't get through them...

Even though I'm still on my White House/LATISM Top Bloguera high, my mind is cluttered with a whole bunch of other stuff.  There is too much uncertainty.  And I feel this unbearable weight on my shoulders. And I feel like my limbs are being pulled in different directions and there are whispers in my ear.  And I'm not sure which way to go or what whispers to listen to. (I'm not losing my mind or hearing voices - I just have too many people offering different kinds of advice.)

Thinking about the last 4 years makes me think about that one time at Atlantic City.  We had just gotten the autism diagnosis.  I had just graduated from Lehman College. And after the stressful evaluation process, The Husband and I went to Atlantic City for the weekend to relax.  We had Saturday night tickets to see Bill Maher, we had a nice dinner, a few drinks...
      
Sunday morning we woke up and I wanted to take a walk on the board walk.  I hadn't been to Atlantic City since I was a child.  And I think I wanted to relive the simple moments of my life.  Before responsibility, marriage, a kid and disability.  A time when my mother made all the big decisions in my life.

The Husband and I strolled up and down the boardwalk.  The sun was bright and the ocean air filled my lungs.  We purchased hot dogs and freshly squeezed lemonade.  And the cold lemonade was perfect - almost as good as mother's. 

And then out of nowhere, a homeless man snuffed me.  I had never been punched that hard before in my life.  I didn't see stars, like in the cartoons - I saw nothing.  And I fell to floor, spilling my lemonade all over my feet.

I heard the stumble of feet, a thump and grunts.  And I see The Husband has the homeless man pinned down.  There's a crowd and my hands shook as I called 911 - my head throbbing and my feet sticky.  

When the police finally arrived (15 minutes later), they took the homeless man away.  I didn't want to bother pressing charges.  I looked the homeless man in the eyes - he wasn't truly violent, he was either mentally or emotionally unstable.

I spent the 3 hour car ride home thinking about that man.  I felt sorry for him; he most likely had no one in his life to care for him and make sure he got the help he needed.

Whenever I feel discouraged, whenever I feel tangled in red tape, whenever I feel frustrated about the system - I think about that man on the boardwalk who knocked me on my ass. And I think to myself - I am fighting to make sure The Boy never has to wander up and down a boardwalk with nowhere to go.

On a lighter note...and speaking of fighting. Doesn't The Boy look like he got into one?  I'm losing my baby, one loose tooth at a time - he's growing up.  I want him to slow down.

Check out Mrs. 4444

at Half Past Kissin Time 

for more Friday Fragments.

Snooze, Prudes & Fifty Shades of Grey

Sometime during the wee hours of the morning - The Boy jammed his big toe in my eye. Obviously I was sleeping.  He was sleeping.  Being jammed in the eye with a big toe is the kind of thing that wakes me up. Screaming.  Good Morning to me!    


At 5:15 my alarm goes off, but my eye still hurts.  So I hit snooze.  I hit snooze quite a few times.  I finally wake up at 6.   I should probably mention - I keep my alarm clock in the bathroom.  This is to prevent me from snoozing.  


Yesterday I posted a picture of a certain magazine cover.  It caused a bit of nasty on my FB page.  And one of my 'friends' called me a prude.  Me?!  A prude.  The 'friend' also went into full attack mode and called someone else an idiot. We don't all have to agree but I don't like insults. I don't delete much from my page but if you can't play nice, then there's no place for that nonsense on my page.  As for being a prude - please.  I don't care what any woman does with their boobies or how they choose to parent.  But don't you dare equate breast feeding to the quality of mother I am.  But I'll be addressing that magazine cover/article.  Tomorrow.


Speaking of prude...Yesterday The Husband tweeted this:
 

@BobaFont - Is #FiftyShadesofGrey just a modern day #StoryofO or#TheClaimingofSleepingBeauty? And would the Mrs. read it?

Sorry babe, I absolutely have no interest in reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  I just can't bring myself to read it.  And it's not because it's labeled mommy porn.  I mean, I was reading Jackie Collins in the 4th grade.  And I love a good trash book - Peyton Place, Valley of the Dolls.  I've jumped on the bandwagon with Twilight and Hunger Games.  (And I love them!)  


But yesterday a coworker had a copy of Grey and after reading a paragraph - I put it down.  It was just bad.  Badly written.  I walked away from my coworkers desk.  


Twenty minutes later, my coworker came back.  Threw the book on my desk and said read that page.  And I did.  And I "flushed scarlet" and thought, now I get the hype.   


But I'm still not going to read it.  I'm standing my ground.  I'm going to be a total book snob and say, I'm not reading it because it's poorly written.  Because it really is.  


And as someone who writes.  As someone who wants to be published one day (but has been told, it will be more difficult for me to be published because I'm Latina).  As someone who has been writing a historical fiction novel for more than 6 years, I want to support good writing.  And I refuse to give that woman my hard earned money.


Ryan Gosling on the other hand is all about the mommy porn ;)            

And I'd get down and dirty with Ryan any day of the week. 

A Wonderful Month of Autism Awareness & So Much More

It's been a while since I've linked up with the fabulous Mrs. 4444.  And it's been such a whirl wind of a month, that I figured the best way to piece it all together is through Friday Fragments.

It's been a long winter.  The month of March has been the roughest I've had in a while.  But April, has been pretty fantastic and full of exciting opportunities! And I'm hoping (crossing fingers and toes) that it's a sign of better things to come.

The first week of April, AutismWonderland was ranked #10 on Babble's Top Autism Spectrum Blogs for Parents 2012!  And they wrote such a beautiful description of my blog - here's a snippet "Autism Wonderland is as informative a chronicle of the ASD experience as Lewis Carroll’s book was about where Alice went." I am so honored to be included on this list. 

I spent part of Spring Break in Miami at Hispanicize - a Media/Blog Event.  Truly such a life/mind changing experience for me.  In addition to speaking on a panel with other special needs blog writers, I had the opportunity to pitch my blog on SOiTV.  I'm not used to public speaking and was extremely nervous.  Johnny, the gentleman introducing me, spoke so quickly in Spanish.  And um...I don't speak/understand Spanish - so I look like a deer in the headlights.  The blogger with the most YouTube hits gets to be featured on SOiTV for a month. 

Last month the wonderful Ellen Seidman of Love That Max asked me - ME! - to contribute something to...wait for it... 

My post, The Milestones That Keep You Going When You Have a Kid with Autism, was published on Monday, April 23 and I've been squealing ever since.

Last week, I attended a reading in support of my friend Keisha - a beautiful Caribbean poet/writer.  While mingling, I met Brendan Costello.  Brendan is a contributor for The Largest Minority Radio Show and asked me to be a guest.  Also on the air was Savannah Logsdon Breakstone - a young autistic woman and Savannah just gave me a whole new perspective.  Below is the link to download an MP3 of the show: http://archive.wbai.org/files/mp3/wbai_120425_210052wed9pm10pm.mp3

And then last night, I was invited to speak at New York Cares.  The room was filled with Team Leaders and volunteers all eager to learn more about autism. Also speaking was:

• Alicia, the Executive Director of GallopNYC.  A wonderful program that "provides therapeutic horseback riding to people in New York City, using interaction with horses to promote the growth of functional and mental abilities in a safe, supportive and fun manner."
• Elly, a program coordinator for a new program at Birch Family Services - the New Frontier. The New Frontier focuses on pre-vocational and social learning activities for higher functioning young adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
• Kevin, also with Birch Family Services, is the Autism/Residential coordinator with the Department of Curriculum and Instruction at Birch Family Services where he provides training, support and guidance to Birch residents and day habilitation programs.

Then this morning, I finally checked my personal email account.  After deleting all the SPAM, I opened up an email from the English Department of CCNY.  I won an award for a short story I submitted.  It reminded me that while I love writing this blog, I also love writing fiction.  It also reminded that even though I needed to take the semester off.  I need to get back and graduate.

I hope that all of these wonderful things are a sign that things are starting to look up.  I need a break.  And The Boy?  He needs a new school.  Cross your fingers that we find one and that the Board of Ed doesn't fight us too much.       

Play along! Don't know how?  

Check out Mrs. 4444

at Half Past Kissin Time 

for more Friday Fragments.

Just Another Manic Month

I can't believe it's the last Friday in February.  This month has been a whirlwind - a month of ups and downs.  Rejoices and rejections.  There's been so much going on that I haven't had the energy to write or read.  So this is my month in Fragments:

Back in November my mother's father, sister and brother were hospitalized.  My aunt was out within a few days - she's a feisty old broad, that one.  My grandfather (who is 89) was out after a few days too but he's not doing so great.  He needs insulin shots twice a day and my mother is the one that gives it to him.  She prepares his breakfast, lunch and dinner too.   As for my uncle, he just got out of the hospital. He's home and my mother checks in on him too.  (My mother, grandfather and uncle all live in the same building.) 

And then my mom takes the train from Queens up to The Bronx 4 days a week to pick up The Boy from the bus.  (I know, my mom is a saint!)  Anyway - my mom is tired.  And she won't say it but I know all of this is taking a toll on her.  And I was trying to think of an alternative solution for after school childcare that will still allow The Boy to get his ABA therapy.  I'm VERY happy to have found one.  I asked one of The Boy's past teacher assistants if he'd be willing to pick up The Boy 2 days a week.  Not only did he agree to do it BUT he's super excited about seeing The Boy again.

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This month The Boy had two evaluations: psychological and speech.  Which meant he had to miss 2 days of school.  Which also meant me rearranging my work schedule for a few days.  Which meant I had to take 2 buses to get to the evaluation place.  Sit 2 hours through the evaluation.  Answer the same questions I've been asked for the last three years.  Then take a bus to the train station.  Take the train into the City.  Drop The Boy off at the company back up day care (a major perk that I LOVE!) and then run up 9 city blocks and 2 avenues to my office.  Work for a few hours, then run back the 9 blocks and 2 avenues down to pick up The Boy from the daycare.  And then...luckily both days, The Husband picked us up in the City.

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Earlier this month, I was invited to this amazing lunch hosted by the Ladies Home Journal.  I was pretty honored to be there - I was in the room with real writers, women that I had been reading for last the year.  As a secretary, I'm used to being seen and not heard.  I'm used to sitting in on meetings taking minutes, but never would I dare offer my opinion.  Most of the time, I'm ignored; the higher ups just don't talk to the secretary.  It's just the way the corporate world works.  So to be at this table among these inspiring powerful group of women, mothers, special needs writers/advocates - was sort of intimidating.  But it was one of the best experiences I've had (as a blog writer) and that post is coming soon.

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Speaking of amazing experiences...I've been invited to write guest posts on a few websites.  And it feels really good, to get that kind of response to my writing - it's validating.  But wouldn't you know - I've had an incredibly case of writer's block.  And I have these great opportunities and I'm struggling.  I mean, if I write something crappy here...that's one thing.  I can revise or delete.  But to write something crappy for another blog  - one that gets way more traffic than mine?  There's no going back.  It's quite a bit of pressure...

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I stepped on the scale...as a result, I've been trying to exercise more.  That post is sitting in my drafts.   Have I lost any weight?  Nope - I've been losing & gaining the same damn 3 pounds.  But I have to get serious.                     

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This time last year, I had no idea where The Boy was going to go to school.  Then a school accepted him.  Then we started...and it's been a roller coaster ride ever since.  I probably shouldn't even be writing about it anymore but screw it.  A school shouldn't retaliate if the truth is being told.  Anyway - everyone is giving me the run around and I'm dizzy.  One day The Boy isn't appropriate, the next day he is.  And once again, I have no idea where The Boy is going to be placed in September. 

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And did I mention, I may be going to an Impartial Hearing in the next few weeks.  Did I mention, I'm going pro se (without an attorney).

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And before you go...please check out my Q & A with Unknown Mami :) 



Play along! Don't know how?  

Check out Mrs. 4444

at Half Past Kissin Time 

for more Friday Fragments.

TGIF

Hands down, no doubt about it - my least favorite phrase is "TGIF."  I especially hate hearing it at 8:48 am when I'm just getting into work.  Before my 2nd cup of coffee.  Because my feeling is - I don't want to hear TGIF at 8:48 in the morning.  I want to hear it/say it at 5:10 pm - when I'm walking in my apartment door.  After I've kicked off my shoes, peeled off my clothes and scrubbed the subway soot off my hands.  But today, I'm going to go against the grain and say scream: 

TGIF!

Because even though, I was off on Monday and out sick yesterday.  This week has dragged.  And I'm looking forward to not having to wake up at 5 am.  Not rushing to make the school bus or train.

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On Monday, I took The Boy for the second appointment of his re-evaluation.  We have three more appointments to go...I'm not questioning the diagnosis.  I am 100% certain The Boy is autistic.  I just wish I had more of an idea of where he stands.  

And walking into these evals, they always ask the same question - cautiously.  "What are you looking for with this evaluation?"  And that's my cue to assure them, "I know The Boy is autistic..."  But the evals alone, is a other whole blog post.  It's coming.

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This week, Hispanicize, announced some of the speakers for the 2012 Blog Conference in Miami.  And...I'm one of them!  I was pretty shocked to be asked.  I mean, I've never been to a blog conference before.  And to be asked to speak on the panel - Blogging for a Cause: How Latino Bloggers Are Using Social Media To Channel A Good Cause - with 3 other amazing Latina bloggers?  I am speechless.  Because I'm still new to this blog world.  I'm still figuring all of this out.  And becuase, quite honestly, I have a hard time considering myself a real blogger. 

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Last June, I wrote this post: The Weight of Autism.  Well, I got on the Wii once again this week and you know what?  I've gained weight.  I'm not surprised, really.  I've been really stressed.  And I'm down to one pair of jeans that fit comfortably.  Thank goodness for leggings and elastic waistbands.  But I know I need to do something about it.  I need to take better care of myself.  For The Boy.  

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But The Boy has a new way of making my day.  Lately, he's been saying "Mommy is cute and orange." And I think to myself: damn, he has me confused with freaking Snooki. And the sad part is, I WISH I had her tan. Well...sort of. Nah. Not really.   I don't know he picked up this phrase.   And it was sweet of him, holding my face.  Looking into my eyes and saying "Mommy is cute and orange."  It made me feel special...


Until I heard him say it in the parking lot of the Bay Plaza shopping center.  About a woman who was certainly cute but definitely not orange.

Play along! Don't know how?  

Check out Mrs. 4444

at Half Past Kissin Time 

for more Friday Fragments.

         

Dear Norrin: A Birthday Letter from Mother to Son

Dear Norrin,

Today is your 6th birthday.  It's official - you're a big kid now, no longer a baby.  The years are going by too quickly and I wish I could slow things down.  I wish I could press pause every once in a while.  But I can't. 

Today you are six; then next you'll be seven and before we both know it - you'll be a man.  But I'm not ready to think about that just yet.  

I want to linger in this moment for as long as I can.

This morning you woke up 2:30 am.  All smiles and eye contact.  And luckily your dad was able to put you back to sleep quickly.  And then when it was time to wake up, I asked you what day it was.  And you said "It's my birthday."

And all week long you've been talking about your birthday.  This is the first year, you've done that. 

It's also your first birthday that falls on the day you were actually born.  You were born on a Friday, so in my mind this makes today extra special.

I have spent the last 6 years watching you in amazement.  I remember bringing you home that Sunday 6 years ago and watching you sleep in your crib.  And I remember the first time you crawled out of that crib. 

I remember waiting anxiously for first words.  For a while, I thought they may never come.  But they did.  And I hang on your every word, even if I don't always understand what you are saying.  I hear you.   

I know that things don't come easily for you.  I know that there are things you find difficult and frustrating.  But you will find a way...in your own time.  Because every day you do something that you didn't do the day before.  Every day you surprise me.  Inspire me.  And amaze me.  All the progress you have made - I see it.

 

And I am so proud of the boy you're growing up to be.
 

Tonight we will light your candles and cut a cake.  You'll tear open your presents.  Maybe you'll make a wish.  If you do, I will probably never know what it is.  And when you play with your toys, you may not know how to say which one is your favorite.  I'll know just by your smile. 

You are too young to understand this now.  But one day you will read this.  And I want you to know that you are the greatest wish I could have ever hoped for.  And the best gift I've ever been given.   

With all my love,
Mommy

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

    Dr. Seuss, Oh The Place You'll Go!