AW Sunday Review: The Girls Guide to Growing Up

The Girls Guide to Growing Up: 
Choices & Changes in the Tween Years 
by Terri Couwenhoven, M.S.


ISBN: 978-1-60613-026-1
Woodbine House, December 2011
Ages 8 - 14
62 pages
$16.95




"Puberty is a challenging time for all young adults.  Now girls with intellectual disabilities can grow up with confidence, benefiting from this very clear, practical and honest guide."
~ Dr. Brian Skotko (Physician, Down Syndrome Program, Children's Hospital Boston)

*

Last week I shared an article on my FB Page that made me giggle and cringe.  I won't say anymore.  You read it.  But I will say, I am really happy I have a few more years before I The Husband sits The Boy down for The Talk.  


But we can't put it off forever.  And neither can you.  Eventually our children will hit puberty and we will need to prepare them for it.   


And if I had a special needs daughter, The Girls' Guide to Growing Up written by Terri Couwenhoven, M.S., is the book I'd buy to prepare us both.  


Written in clear and simple language (3rd grade reading level) and paired with age-appropriate facts, realistic illustrations and photos, The Girls' Guide to Growing Up, explains in detail the many changes of a girls body.  The illustrations and photos are even presented in such a way that they may be created into a picture schedule.  The Girls' Guide to Growing Up also discusses feelings and discretion while emphasizing personal safety and privacy.  And it concludes with a Q&A to prompt conversation.


Terri Couwenhoven, M.S., is certified in Special Education by the AASECT and specializes in working with individuals with Intellectual Disabilities, their families and professional support. Couwenhoven is also a mom who gets it, her eldest daughter has down syndrome.  Terry Couwenhoven, M.S. writes with professional expertise and maternal sensitivity.  


Sound like something that would be useful for you?


Interested in winning a free copy?    


Leave a comment for a mandatory entry. 

For additional entries: 

1. Follow this blog; and/or

2. Follow me on twitter - @LaliQuin; and tweet me using #AutismWonderland hashtag and/ or

3. “Like” the AutismWonderland Facebook page.

With each additional entry you MUST post a comment. Comments will be numbered in the order they are listed and a random number generator (random.org) will be used to select the winner.  Giveaway is open to U.S. residents only.   

If you are already follow me or "Like" the page, no problem. Just post a comment and you have an additional entry.

This giveaway will end Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 11:59pm EST. Winner will be announced on Facebook & Twitter on  Sunday (by noon EST) January 22, 2012.  The winner will have 24 hours to reply. 

Feel free to contact me at autismwonderland@gmail.com with any questions.

Note: Woodbine House provided me with a complimentary copy of  The Girls' Guide to Growing Up  for review purposes only.  (I am offering The Girls' Guide to Growing Up as a giveaway) The opinions expressed are my own and have not been influenced in any way. 

I'm Not Ready

It's no secret that our kids have trouble transitioning.  And with 23 days left (but who's keeping track?) until the end of The Boy's final school year at his current placement, I'm trying to prepare him.  

When I know there will be a change in our routine, I explain it to him using the words "first"  and "then."  First we'll go to the supermarket and then the park. Or, First school, then Sensory and then Home. I do this because he always needs to know what's coming next.

For the last few weeks, I've been telling The Boy, that soon he'll go to "a different school."  

The times that I've said this to him, he's replied, "We're going to take the train to the school?"  Sometimes it comes out as a statement, other times like a question.  And I wonder what school he's thinking of, since he's taken the train with me to interview at four schools.  But I know it's too complicated a question to ask.  And I don't want to him to say "the school with the tree" because that was my absolute dream school and we were rejected.

This week, I've gotten two calls from The Horizon Program and while I'm looking forward to The Boy starting there.  I still have my doubts.  As I'm typing this, I feel my heart beating faster and I'm trying to breathe in and out slowly to calm my anxiety.  Still, my hands are shaking and my fingers tapping nervously on the keyboard. 

Am I making the right decision?  I can't tell you how often I've asked myself this question.  How often I've been unable to sleep over it?  It's a foolish question, really.  Because I know I would question any new school - even the dream school.

Because I'm not ready for him to go to kindergarten.  I'm not ready for him to grow up.  I'm not ready to let him go.  He's already lost his first tooth.  And has a second one ready to come out.  He's starting to push my hands away when I try to help him with things.  His favorite phrase of the moment is "all by myself."  He wants to brush his teeth all by himself (even though he can't).  He says he wants to take the bus to grandma's house all by himself (even though he won't).  And says he wants to pour his juice all by himself - this he can do. Well, almost.

The Boy is starting to show independence in self-help skills.  I know, that's great!  Especially since some are part of his IEP goals.  And it makes me so proud to see how far he's come and every inch of progress makes me more hopeful for the future.  But can't he need me just a little bit longer? 

Come September, The Boy may not have any trouble transitioning.  The Boy may get on that school bus on the first day of kindergarten without looking back.  Maybe all this anxiety is for nothing.  But if he does have difficulty transition, he'll have the proper support, and he'll adjust quickly.    

But in the meantime, who is going to help me with these transitions?  Because I really wish there was someone to tell me what's coming next.  

        

The Potty Chronicles Continue...

This weekend we had a  MAJOR poop training breakthrough!

It happened on Saturday afternoon while I was doing my usual: laundry, cleaning and cooking.  The Boy was in his room watching television and playing.  The Husband tinkering with the computer.  I went to clean the bathroom and found The Boy's underpants on the floor.  

"That's strange."   

I lift up the toilet seat and discover a present had been left for me.  (Nice.)  I look back down at the underpants on the floor.  (Insert expletive here.) 

I walk into The Boy's room, he's happily jumping around, wearing his shorts.  I inhale deeply and quickly scan the area.  I cringe for a minute at a lump on the rug - whew, no - it's just a rubber turtle.  I grab The Boy by the wrist - I'm not touching hands until I've washed them.

In the bathroom, I remove The Boy's shorts and find the "evidence."  As I clean him up, I praise him for doing such a great job and I remind him that he needs to ask for help. 

"I can go to the bathroom, All By Myself."  The Boy tells me.  He says the last three words in his sing-songy voice.  It's really not one of the lines in the book.  The Boy sometimes incorporates spontaneous speech in his scripting. 

"Not quite, but you're getting there."  And I tickle him and he laughs.   

Every day, The Boy is taking baby steps to independence.  Today, he went to the bathroom on his own.  Took off his underpants and shorts.  And then put on his shorts (correctly!) all by himself.  The Boy is making progress.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, it seems as if I have a poop post for every season so far.

Winter (1/9/11) Poop Happens While Potty Training

Spring (3/29/11) Oh Poop!  

Eating In. Dining Out.

I read two interesting pieces this week regarding children and restaurants.  The first is that Denny's (in Maryland) is hosting an Autism Awareness Night on July 27th between 5 p.m. to 8 p.m.  For more information, click here. And the other article, non-autism/special needs related, was about one (upscale) restaurant was banning kids under 6. I like both ideas.  And it inspired me to write this. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Over the 4th of July weekend, we took The Boy out for brunch with our good friends Matthew and John (aka Nino [The Boy's Godfather] & Uncle Johnny.)  We went to Peels; a trendy little place on Bowery.  Typically this isn't the kind of place we take The Boy.  But we were in the area, hungry and with two of our favorite people.  It wasn't part of our plan, we had no reinforcements.  No iPad, no Leapfrog, no books, no variety of toys to keep The Boy occupied.

Once again, The Boy surprised me.  We enjoyed our meal, had a few drinks (I had 3 - The Peels Punch, YUM!) and lingered in adult conversation for a few hours.  It was GREAT! The next day when I spoke to Matthew, he told me how impressed he was with The Boy.

 

Just because The Boy has autism, doesn't mean we live in a cave or that we shelter him from new experiences.  And we don't use autism as an excuse for "bad" behavior.    We want expect him to sit at a table and eat.  Clearly, we're not going to take him to Per Se anytime soon.  (okay, probably never considering it's about $150 per person.) And obviously we're not going out for dinner on a Friday or Saturday night at 8 p.m. But every once in a while, we like going out to eat and we haven't let autism get in the way. 

We are not the kind of family who eats dinner at the same time, seated around the table every night.  Between my work and school schedule, The Husband's work schedule and The Boy's therapy schedule - we just don't have that time.  (I wish we did.) During the week we all eat separately.  I often, stand at the kitchen counter, shoving food frantically in my mouth.  The Husband - usually the last to eat - eats while watching TV.  But The Boy, he always eats at the table.   

On the weekends, it's easier for us to eat as a family.  At times it's challenging since The Boy has a hard time sitting still (especially at home).  He likes to get up and run around at meal time.  But when he gets up, guess what?  I'm picking up the plate and taking it off the table.  After a few times, he gets the hint.  If he's really hungry, he'll sit and eat until he's finished.  If not, he'll let me know when he's ready. 

Going out to eat, we don't really have that option.  At first, I used to be scared of taking him out to restaurants.  OMG! What people will think?  (Could care less what people think now.) 

So we started at kid friendly places, like fast food joints or the neighborhood diner.  Places that were within walking distance, just in case.

We'd pack the necessary provisions: toys, books, the leapfrog (with a few games) etc.  We'd sit down and order.  Ordering would be done quickly. We'd let The Boy sit for a while, talking to him about where we were, asking him what he wanted to eat.   We'd wait before bringing out any toys.  Toys were always the last resort.   

When The Boy started to get antsy - usually right after we ordered - one of us would take him outside, walk him around the block and then bring him back.  By this time, the food was ready.  And if The Boy got antsy while eating, we'd start bring out toys.  Sometimes we had dessert, sometimes we didn't. 

We've upgraded to nicer places but still family style restaurants - like PF Changs or F & J Pine (a popular Italian place in The Bronx).  The Boy LOVES Chinese, so he's at his best behavior.  

Each time we go out, we increase our table sitting/eating time.  We ask The Boy what he wants and when it's time to order, we ask The Boy to tell the waiter what he wants to eat.  Usually I repeat the order.  We prompt The Boy to say 'please' and 'thank you.'  We include The Boy in the process.   

He's getting it.  Slowly but surely, The Boy is getting it.  And I think he is starting to enjoy it. 

Our meal at Peels (tee hee, that rhymes) was probably the nicest place we've taken The Boy to eat.  He was the only 5 year old in the place.  And it made me so proud, that we were able to take him there and he was able to sit through it like a little man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are a few more articles that have suggestions for dining out 

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1653262,00.html

http://blog.autismspeaks.org/2011/05/31/dining-out-and-autism/   

http://www.flyinghighfarm.com/CTC_RestaurantwithAutism.pdf 

http://learning-difficulties.blogspot.com/2011/07/eat-out-even-with-autistic-child.html       

Stranger Danger & Autism

"When is a child ready to go it alone, anyway?"  That's the question James Barron poses in his July 13, 2011 article "7 Blocks to Walk, Brooklyn Boy Never Got Home."  And according to another report, the 8 year old boy, Lieby  Kletzky who was brutally murdered, may have had autism. 

I don't have an answer for James Barron.  And I don't know whether or not Lieby Kletzky had autism. 

But I do know, Lieby's death is every parents nightmare.  I know it's made me sick to my stomach ever since I heard the story yesterday morning.  I know my heart aches for this poor little boy and his family.  I know the tragedy has only emphasized the vulnerability of my own child.  And it's made me aware of all the mixed messages we have sent. 

Since the days of Early Intervention, we've prompted The Boy to "say hello" to whomever he meets.  I can't tell you how many times I've allowed him to walk off with therapists (strangers - men and women), his hand so willingly wrapping around theirs.  The Boy goes so easily, without looking back, without fear or any kind of apprehension.

Whenever we go out to crowded places, I place a name tag (with our phone numbers) around his neck and try to explain to him to ask for help if he gets lost.  But does he understand that concept?  Lost.  And in light of Lieby Kletzky story - who can The Boy trust to ask for help?        

I ask The Boy to say hello and praise him for "good talking."  How can I expect him not to talk to strangers?  How do I explain "stranger" as a concept?  And will he understand.     

How do you teach a child on the spectrum to distinguish strangers from people who may help, if there isn't a police officer around?

How do you keep your child safe when your child has no "safety awareness?"

I just found this book Social Story: Dealing with Bullies and Strangers and I will be ordering.  If you know of  any books or have suggestions, tips or tricks - please share.         

Read To Me

We make it a point to read to The Boy every single day, usually 2 books a night.  It's our quiet time together.  We let the boy choose a book, then we choose one.  (This is how we introduce new books.)

Nothing makes me happier than to hear The Boy asking us to read to him.  I will drop everything, when he says those three words.

According to "The More You Know" website, only 46% of parents read to their children everyday.  Reading is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.  It's not about having the time, it's about making the time.  All you need is 15 - 30 minutes a day.   

So in no particular order, here are some of our  

Favorite Bedtime/Anytime Books

Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? We started reading these books to The Boy when he first started Early Intervention.  Our ABA 'homework' was to read this book 3 times a day.  I read it to The Boy in the morning, before I went to work.  In the afternoon, after the therapist left.  And again, right before bed.  Once he started to point, I asked him to point to the pictures.  Once he started to talk, I let him finish the sentences.      

Dr. Seuss There are just too many titles to choose from.  The first Dr. Seuss book we started reading was Mr. Brown Can Moo.  Again, another suggestion from our ABA therapist.  I can't tell you how often we've read this book.  But we also enjoy, Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, Hooper Humperdink Not Him, One Fish Two Fish, Hop on Pop, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  And my personal favorite:  Oh!  The Places You'll Go! You can never go wrong with Dr. Seuss!

Mercer Mayer Little Critter series.  I can't remember the first book we bought.  But we have a lot of them.  The Boy especially loves to read Just Me & My Mom, Just Me & My Dad, I Was So Mad, All By Myself and Just Go To Bed.  This series has done a lot for the boys social interaction, independence with self help skills and imaginative play.  He scripts from all of these books - but he uses the language appropriately.  He has a desire to communicate, I believe these books help.        

   

We also enjoying reading - There a Nightmare in My Closet. 

Over the Rainbow This book comes with a CD.  The Boy started reading it in school.  And he'd come home singing it.  So I had to buy it for him.  Now we sit and read it together while singing along with the CD.

Frog & Toad The Husband gets all the credit for this one.  I try to read these books to The Boy, but he always pushes me away and says, "Daddy to read."    

Goodnight Moon  A CLASSIC! 

Harold & The Purple Crayon What's not to love about Harold?! 

Where the Wild Things Are Another book I enjoyed reading as a kid.  The Boy really loves this book.  He reminds me so much of Max.  I purchased the stuffed animals.  And do he takes them, puts Max into a toy boat and he acts out the story.  I love it! 

The Napping House This is a nice book to read, especially at bedtime.  It has such a calm rythmic flow.  The Boy loves it!  And the CD - is just as soothing. 

Mouse Cookies & More I think all kids love Laura Numeroff books.  The Boy loves them!  We read them over and over and over and over and over again.  I feel it's also helped him with sequencing and cause and effect.  This book comes with a CD and also includes recipes for cookies, muffins and pancakes.

I Love You Through & Through  I started reading this book when The Boy was a baby.  Before EI, before the diagnosis.  And it's still one of my favorite books to read with him.  I want him to know how much I love him.  And this book explains it pretty well.     

Chica Chica Boom Boom The Boy loves letters.  So it's a no brainer as to why he loves this book.  We've bought it 6 times because he keeps tearing the books.  We also have the tree so we do it together to make it interactive. 

Go Away, Big Green Monster! The Boy's Early Intervention speech therapist introduced us to this book.  There's also a puppet that goes with it.  We bought that separately from Lakeshore. 

Dinosaurs Love Underpants  The Boy is going through a dinosaur phase.  He was introduced to this book in school.  And so, whenever he likes a book, I buy it.  (We're on our 3rd copy)  It's a silly book to read.  And I love hearing The Boy read the names of the dinosaurs. 

Biscuit  Although The Boy does not like dogs, he sure loves Biscuit books.  The Boy is starting to become interested in reading.  So we've been slowly introducing "My First I Can Read" books to his library. 

TV.  If kids are entertained by two letters, imagine the fun they'll have with twenty-six.  Open your child's imagination.  Open a book. 

~ Author Unknown

Is it true that most people get attacked by sharks in three feet of water about ten feet from the beach? (Jaws)

I don't know.  I'm not exactly the kind of gal dying to find out the answer to this little trivia question either.  I suffer from Thalassophobia - that's a fear of the ocean. 
(Found out the name on this cool phobia list - how many do you have?  I have so so so many.)

The thought of going on a cruise scares the poop out of me.  The mere thought of being out in the open water (I don't care how many life boats there are or how safe people say it is.) terrifies me.  I've seen Jaws.  I've seen Open Water and Titanic.  I am perfectly happy on dry land - thank you very much.    

And when I go to the beach - even the pool - I stay in waist deep water.  I've never been in a body of water where my feet can't touch the surface.  I won't even snorkle. It's not that I can't swim.  I can, I guess but only if my life depended on it.  Although I tell people I can't, so that my fear of the water doesn't seem so ridiculous.  But I guess I've given myself away, haven't I?  What's the point of all this?

Well my brother from another mother, Julio (The Husband's best friend) suggested we all go to Orchard beach aka The Bronx Riviera tomorrow.  (He also suggested I make sandwiches and put in a special order considering he's gone vegetarian.)   

NY Daily News 8/15/2006
"Tide & Joy: A Day at Orchard Beach"

Anyway...my first thought was: How the hell are we going to contain The Boy at the beach.?  He loves the sand!  Hellooooooo sensory! But how will we control him in the ocean?  Well, not actually the ocean - the Long Island Sound...you know what I mean.

The Boy LOVES to swim, LOVES the water.  And while he wears a life vest, he doesn't know how to swim but he tries.  And he refuses to be held while in the water.  In the pool, it's hard to control him.  He wants to "swim" on his own. 

We haven't taken him swimming at the beach...well, since this picture was taken.  He was about 5 months old and we had our photo taken by the paper.  This photo makes me a little sad...all photos pre-diagnosis make me a little sad.  I can't help but look at them and wonder about autism.  Was it there already and I just didn't see it?  But that's for another post.  

Back to the beach. I mean not only is it this wide open space that The Boy could just run off, but the waves and the rocks and the glass. And obviously there are no sharks in the sound.  Or are there?  Needless to say, I nixed that idea - with a quickness.  Maybe I'm being a little dramatic.  Maybe I'm being a tad over protective.  But for now, we'll have to swim at the pool.  And Julio was okay with that.  It's a small price to pay for a sandwich. 

How do you all handle a day at the beach?       

Manic Weekday Mornings

Five mornings out of seven the alarm goes off at 5:30 am.  I am often tempted to hit snooze, however, my alarm clock is strategically placed in the bathroom.  Getting up out of bed and walking down the hall to the bathroom to hit snooze for another five minutes of sleep doesn't seem worth it.   

Once I'm up. I'm up.  And I have one hour to take a shower, get dressed, apply my mask of makeup, make lunch, make breakfast, make coffee and wash last night's dishes. I have to make The Boy's bed (because at some point in the middle of the night, he has wandered into our bed but that's for a whole other post.) and pick up his toys and books.  I get The Boy's clothes and take them into the living room where I will help him get dressed.  I pour out a bowl of cereal - sans milk.  I drink my coffee while watching the local news and I try to figure out what to wear for myself.  Though my own outfit, takes much less thought than The Boy's. 

By 6:28 I'm back in my room, ready to wake The Boy.  Some days he's ready to go at 6 am, other days I have to grab him by the ankles and pull him out of bed.  Often bribes of cereal bars or muffins are involved.  Not today.  I tickle him awake.  His pull-up is heavy and ready to burst.  (Yes, he's 5 and sleeps in a pull-up.  Again, that's for another post.)

I drag him out of our bed and walk him into the bathroom. His eyes are half closed, his bare flat feet slapping the wood floor.  I pull down his pajama pants, yank off his shirt and pull off his pull-up.

"Pee pee in the potty?" I ask.

"No way," he says.  The Boy isn't a morning person.

"Norrin. Fix it." I say.  We say 'fix it' when he needs to fix his tone of voice or when he's being disrespectful.

"No I do not wish to do pee pee in the potty," he says.

This response kind of makes me giggle. 'I do not wish...' is his latest phrase thanks to The Cat in the Hat. 

I wash his hands and face.  "Now it's time to brush teeth," I announce. And this is the hardest part of our morning routine.  The Boy hates brushing his teeth. "No! No! No!" He screams and starts to make a run for it.  But I grab him.  Now this next part is always a little dramatic.  I stand him on the step stool in front of the sink. I stand behind him, the weight of my body pinning him against the sink.  I bend slightly, wrapping my left arm around his body and with the toothbrush in my right hand, I press my elbow against his chest, holding him down to brush his teeth.  I pry his mouth open with the toothbrush and my index finger.  This is tricky business.  The Boy has been known to bite.  

By now it's 6:50 and I still need to get him dressed and hope he eats some cereal before heading out.  I get him dressed while we watch Good Day New York.      

I realize the dressing and tooth brushing are opportunities for The Boy to work on his self-help IEP goals.  But who has that kind of time when bus pick up is at 7:19?  That has to wait for the weekend when there's more time.

The Boy sits at the table and picks the pink cheerios out of the bowl - he'll eat those first before the plain cheerios.  I rush around, doing the last minute thing: spritzing perfume, lotion on hands, grab the cell phone, check the book bag. It's 7:07 by now and we have to go.  

The Boy is no longer at the table but in the bathroom - standing on the step stool, brushing his teeth.  Well, more like eating the toothpaste.  "Good job Norrin!" And I pull out of the bathroom because now we really have to go. I realize that he doesn't exactly hate brushing his teeth, he hates me brushing his teeth.       

Hats. Scarves. Coats. Bags.  We are out the door.  I see the bus already in front of our building and I tell The Boy to run.  I hate making them wait. 

I kiss The Boy goodbye and prompt him to say good morning to the driver and matron. 

"I'm so sorry. Am I late or are you early?" I ask the driver. 

"Actually we're right on time," she says.

And that seems to sum up our manic weekday mornings.  Never too early. Never too late.  Always right on time, with some seconds to spare.