October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month | Pass the #PurplePurse

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post in collaboration with Latina Bloggers Connect and The Allstate Foundation.  All opinions expressed are my own.   

As part of Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October, Purple Purse, The Allstate Foundation’s symbol for domestic violence, proudly represents a woman’s way to escape the cycle of abuse by gaining financial independence. Now in its third year, The Allstate Foundation’s Purple Purse campaign has pledged to donate up to $350,000 to the YWCA for programs designed at assisting survivors of domestic violence and other women in need.

Growing up one of the lessons my mother and madrina (godmother) worked hard to instill, was financial independence. "Every woman needs her own little savings...because you just never know," they always said. They taught me to take care of myself. They raised me to be in a relationship I wanted, not one that I needed.

I feel lucky to have married a man like The Husband. Not only do I have financial independence, but I also have a sense of security. I am loved. And I am safe.

Unfortunately, not every woman can say the same. Domestic violence affects one in four women in their lifetime – that’s more women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined. 

Domestic violence impacts millions of women, children and families but very few people discuss it openly. Many may suspect and turn a blind eye, "it's none of my business," they may think.

Victims of abuse often feel a sense of shame or feelings of fault. It's a subject most people don't feel comfortable talking about. More than one-third of Americans have never discussed the issue with family or friends and Purple Purse provides a conversation starter.

Lacking financial knowledge and resources is the number one indicator of whether a domestic violence victim will stay, leave or return to an abusive relationship.

By passing the Purple Purse, you are not only sharing information about domestic violence and financial abuse but you are placing the power directly into people’s hands with a purple purse.

If you suspect a loved one is a victim of domestic violence, offer support without judgement or criticism.

Don't be scared to share your concerns but use your words carefully to avoid confrontation. 

Encourage her to seek help and reassure her you'll hold her hand every step of the way.

For every purple purse passed through the end of October, The Allstate Foundation will donate $5 to YWCA. We’ll give up to $350,000 for programs aimed to help domestic violence survivors and stop the cycle of abuse.

Visit PurplePurse.com to follow the purple purses on their journey around the country, track the YWCA’s progress toward their goal to earn $350,000 from The Allstate Foundation and get tips to help you start talking about domestic violence.

If you need immediate help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post in collaboration with Latina Bloggers Connect and The Allstate Foundation. All opinions expressed are my own.   

September is World Alzheimer's Awareness Month #EndAlzNow

Today is my birthday. I am one year older - officially late 30s. (Or as The Husband calls it, "the wrong side of 30.") And I worry about getting older more and more. I want to try to live for as long as a I can and to be healthy for as long as I can.

Part of trying to live forever is being aware and trying to take care of myself now. I know I need to lose weight, eat better, brush my teeth twice a day and remember to floss - these are all things that will help improve/maintain my overall health.   

But I also worry about Alzheimer's.  Both of my grandmothers had it.

I remember how sad it was seeing my grandmothers and have them not remember me. Even though they both lived with us for significant amounts of time. It was sad that when I saw them, I could no longer communicate with them because they had both lost the ability to speak English. They lost all track of time, forgetting where they were and who they loved. Alzheimer's robbed both of my grandmothers of their memories. And it was extremely difficult for my family.   

I don't want The Boy to experience that kind of pain. (He may not even be able to understand.) As his mother, I always want to know who he is. I don't want to be robbed of any of my memories of him.

I worry about my parents - they are both over 60 years old. Will the day come when they no longer remember me or my siblings? Will the day come when they no longer remember The Boy? The Boy is their only grandchild and he is extremely attached to them, especially my mother. 


The Boy with my parents

I am at the age, where I've experienced the loss of loved ones. I am at the age where some of friends have already lost their parents and I have mourned with them.

I want my parents to be healthy and live for as long as they can. Which is why I've registered for the Alzheimer’s Prevention Registry. 

What's the Registry?

It's a community of people interested in making an impact on Alzheimer's research to help stop the disease. The goal is to keep enrollees informed of the latest news and advocacy to drive focus on Alzheimer's.

Who is eligible for the Registry?

The Registry is open to anyone 18 and older. 

How do I join the Registry? 

It's quick and easy! Just visit www.endalznow.org to sign up. By signing up, you will have access to information and resources about what’s being done to fight this disease. (You might also be asked to be part of a research study, which is always your choice and you have no obligation to be part of!)

KEY POINTS on Alzheimer's

• Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia and is not a normal part of aging
• Alzheimer’s is the 6th leading cause of death in the U.S. And the only one of the top 10 causes of death that cannot currently be prevented, treated or cured
• 5.4 million Americans are affected by Alzheimer’s, and someone is diagnosed every 6.9 seconds

KEY POINTS on Alzheimer's and LATINOS

• Latinos are one-and-a-half more likely than whites to have Alzheimer's but are less likely than whites to receive a diagnosis. The average age when initial symptoms appear in Latinos is 6.8 years earlier than in whites.
• The number of Latinos with Alzheimer's and related dementias in the United States could increase more than six-fold by 2050, to as many as 1.3 million cases from fewer than 200,000 today..
• Age is a major risk factor associated with Alzheimer's and life expectancy for Hispanics will increase to age 87 by 2050 - surpassing that of all other racial groups in the nation.

For  More Information on Alzheimers  

• Alzheimer’s vs. normal aging - http://www.banneralz.org/physicians-plus-referrals/symptoms-plus-diagnosis.aspx
• Alzheimer’s vs. dementia, and prevention - http://banneralz.org/patients-plus-family/alzheimer's-what-you-need-to-know.aspx
• Alzheimer’s Prevention Registry - http://endalznow.org/

* This is a sponsored post in collaboration with The Motherhood and Banner's Alzheimer's Institute. All opinions, ideas and stories are my own. 

Mental Health Matters to Latinos #SpeakUpForKids

In case you missed yesterday's blog post - this week is National Children's Mental Health Awareness Week and the Child Mind Institute is honoring it's 2nd annual Speak Up For Kids campaign.

And after yesterday's conference and reading through all the materials - I am dedicating this week to help raise awareness and to Speak Up For Kids.

I just want to share some startling mental health facts:

• More than 15 million American children & adolescents have diagnosable psychiatric disorders - more than the number affected by leukemia, diabetes, and AIDS combined.
• Approximately 50% of these kids will never get help. 
• Anxiety Disorders appear to affect girls more than boys.
• Untreated depression is one of the leading causes of teen suicide.
• Some 80% of cases can be readily and successfully treated if kids get help.
• ADHD is the most common psychiatric condition affecting children
• ADHD is diagnosed more frequently in boys than girls
• Children with ADHD drop out of high school 10 times more than other children.
• Untreated, kids with ADHD are more likely to drop out of school, develop a substance abuse problem, or get in trouble with the law.
• It's estimated that learning disorders may impact anywhere from 5 to 20% of all children - as many as 1 in 5 in every classroom.
• Only 64% of students with diagnosed learning disorders graduate from high school.  Their drop out rate is nearly 3 times that of students in the general population
• Working-age adults with learning disorders face higher unemployment rates. 

At yesterday's press conference, we discussed the stigma of mental health.  I believe within the Latino community the stigma and shame of mental health is even greater.

In reading the mental health facts - I wondered how many Latino children went without help they needed.  And I found some startling statistics of my own:   

Suicide attempt rates among Latina high school students in New York have nearly doubled since 2007, reports El Diario/La Prensa. A recent study commissioned by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) of 9,469 New York high school students found that nearly 15 percent, or one in six, Latina students attempted suicide one or more times in 2009. Significantly higher than African-American women (10.2%) and young Caucasian women (6.2%) (source)

High school drop out rates tend to be higher in cities with high socioeconomic disparities and racial segregation. "Epicenters of the dropout crisis are made up of a combination of traditional big-city districts and large countywide school systems. Many of the latter are home to major urban centers," Education Week reported.  "The New York City public school system, the nation's largest district, serves 1.1 million students and predictably emerges as the leading source of non graduates, with nearly 44,000 students slipping away each year." (source)

I am not saying that the Latina suicide rate or that the NYC drop out rates are all linked to mental health but I definitely believe it's a factor.  Poverty, lack of education/awareness, and social stigma all play into the fact that many individuals go without the help they need to live a productive and happy life. 

I wonder how many of these kids went undiagnosed and untreated. 

I wonder how many parents believed their daughters were just being dramatic or if it was just a phase.

I wonder how many parents believed their child would just "grow out of it."

I wonder how many non graduates were called lazy or stupid.

And I wonder how many parents just didn't know what to look for in their children.  Or if they recognized something was wrong - maybe they just didn't know where to go.  Maybe they thought they couldn't afford help.

One of the great things about the Child Mind Institute is that they really want to help children and families - and they don't want money to get in the way.  For families and children with financial need they offer a sliding scale fee and financial aid. 

I think it's important for us to realize that it's okay to get help.  There is no shame in needing mental health treatment.  The only shame is allowing it to go untreated.

Tonight (Tuesday, May 8) at 7PM ET, the Child Mind Institute (@ChildMindDotOrg) will be hosting a tweet chat in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week on Parenting in the Digital Age.

I'll be participating on tonight's Tweet chat - with bullying moving from the playground to cyberspace - it's critical that parents know how to protect their children.

And on Friday, May 11, at 12PM ET the Child Mind Institute will be hosting a live Speak Up for Kids talk on Facebook in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week.

For more events please visit the Events page on Child Mind Institute - http://www.childmind.org/en/events/ 

Light It Up Green - #SpeakUpForKids

May 6 - 12 is National Children's Mental Health Awareness Week  

Today I was invited to the Child Mind Institute to kick off National Mental Health Awareness week and the 2nd annual national public education program - Speak Up For Kids.


The Child Mind Institute is dedicated to:

• transform mental health care for children everywhere;
• raise awareness; and 
• empower children and their families with the information they need to get help, hope and answers. 

Dr. Harold S. Kopelwicz, President of the Child Mind Institute and one of the nation’s leading child and adolescent psychiatrists, spoke passionately about erasing the stigma of mental health.

Though 15 million children in the United States have psychiatric and learning disorders, very few of them will be identified and get the help they need.  That's why we need you to Speak Up For Kids and to let the world know that silence and shame are not options.  The Child Mind Institute is committed to providing the support and information families need to get children the care they deserve.   

As the parent of a child with Autism/ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder I am well aware of the stigma our children face.  But parents of special needs children are also stigmatized.  


Parents.com surveyed readers and 74% of parents said that kids are often put on medication as a quick and easy fix. (For the complete survey go HERE)  


74% - I was shocked. I know many parents who have put their child on medication and I can tell you.  It's not a decision any parent takes lightly.  I go back and forth myself.  And yet, other people are so quick to judge.  


If a child had cancer, asthma or diabetes and medication was an option - would anyone be as quick to call it a "quick and easy fix?"


But when it comes to Mental Health and psychiatric disorders - there is no easy fix or a one size fits all solution.  
  
I learned a lot today.  While it was great to learn more about the Child Mind Institute.  It was most upsetting to learn about all the misinformation there is regarding children's mental health.  This week of awareness is important for everyone.    


And in honor of this week, the Child Mind Institute will be hosting a series of events:   

• Tuesday, May 8, at 7PM ET, the Child Mind Institute (@ChildMindDotOrg) will be hosting a tweet chat in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week on Parenting in the Digital Age.
• Friday, May 11, at 12PM ET the Child Mind Institute will be hosting a live Speak Up for Kids talk on Facebook in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week.

For more events please visit the Events page on Child Mind Institute - http://www.childmind.org/en/events/

3 Things I'd Like You to Know About Autism

Autism Awareness Month is kind of like an oxymoron for me and others within the community.  I write this blog in an effort to spread awareness but some days I feel like I'm preaching to the choir.  Because the majority of people who read my blog have an understanding of our day to day lives.  We're aware every single day - not just one month out of the year.

So this month of awareness is for the folks not in the know.  The ones who have never heard of ABA, FAPE, ASD, PDD or any other special needs acronym.

The thing about awareness - it's a two way street.  It's not enough for me to write about it - you have to meet me half way and be willing to learn. 

Today I'm thrilled to be guest posting on Acting Balanced.  It's kind of like a crash course in what I'd like the "typical" parent to know about autism.  

1. What's Autism?
2. How do I explain Autism to my "typical" children?
3. My friend's kid has been diagnosed with autism.  What do I say? What do I do?

Want to know my answers to these 3 questions?  Click HERE 

"As a Parent"

Going into IEP meetings, I've noticed that some education professionals like to start sentences with, "As a parent..." blah blah blah blah.  Maybe it's their way of letting parents know that, they get it.

But every time I hear those three words, I realize that they don't get it all.  And I want to hold up my hand and ask "Are you a parent like me?"   

Because as a parent, I have had to put my child on a school bus before he could speak and while he was still in diapers.  

As a parent, I've wondered if my child will ever speak.

As a parent, I've stayed up nights worrying about what my child's life will be like when I'm gone.

As a parent, I've had to separate my child from his diagnosis.


As a parent, I have had strangers in and out of my home, helping my child learn the most basic tasks.

As a parent, I've had to rearrange my work schedule to accommodate all the strangers in and out of my home. 

As a parent, I've had to turn down invitations to birthday parties and gatherings because therapy always comes first. 

As a parent, I've had to turn down invitations to birthday parties and gatherings because I knew the invitation would be in a place my child could not handle.

As a parent, I've had to teach my child how to imagine, to play and pretend.

As a parent, I use the majority of my vacation days for doctors appointments and evaluations. 

As a parent, I cried, the first time my child said Mommy because I thought the words would never return.

As a parent, I marvel at every single accomplishment my child makes, because I know how hard my child had to work to achieve it.

As a parent, I wonder what his days are like because even though my child has speech, he cannot tell me what he had for lunch, what he did in school or about the best part of his day.

As a parent, I've learned to ignore strangers staring at my child.

As a parent, I've had to study special education laws and different teaching methodologies.

As a parent, I've had strangers, determine what is most appropriate for my child.

As a parent, I've had to fight for my child to get the appropriate services he needs.

As a parent, I've had to fight the people who start their sentences with "As a parent..."

Spread the Word to End the Word

I'm Puerto Rican.  Would you call me Spic?

Probably not.

Would you use any kind of slur to degrade yourself or insult someone or something else?  Chances are if you're a decent human being - you wouldn't. 

So why is it okay to use the word "retard" as an insult?  

March 7, 2012 is officially Spread the Word to End the Word Day  and if "retard" is part of your vocabulary, I urge you to stop & think about what the word implies.  

The Boy is a bright and beautiful kid.  But many of his test scores fall in the Intellectual Disability (formerly "Mentally Retarded") range.  Look at his smile.  Would you call The Boy retarded?      

I won't say any more.  But please take time to watch any (or all) of the videos.  They explain it far better than I can.  Especially the one below by my blog pal Ellen of Love that Max  - Her boy Max is pretty awesome :) 
   

A Life Worth Living. A Life Worth Saving.

Just when I think I've seen, heard and read it all, I come across something that makes me say "Are you kidding me?"  Except somewhere between "you" and "kidding" is the big F-Bomb. 

On January 10, 2012 Chrissy Rivera walked into the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.  And she heard something that no mother should have to hear. Chrissy's 3 year old daughter, Amelia Rivera, needs a kidney transplant.  However Amelia's doctor  states: 

"[Amelia]—is—not—eligible –because—of—her—quality– of –life—Because—of—her—mental—delays..."

How can a doctor determine a child's "quality of life" based on their cognitive disability?

There are several tests where The Boy falls in the Intellectual Disability range (formerly  mental retardation) range.  And my sister, falls under the same disability.  Well, chances are if you are reading this, you've read about The Boy before. (In case you haven't, read this first) But my sister - is in her 20s.  She works part time at a furniture store and goes to the gym 5 days a week.  She's a fantastic artist and has quite the sassy personality.   And I'll be damned if anyone questions their quality of life.

I can't even imagine what this family must be going through.  But I know how this story makes me feel.  I feel angry.  And disgusted.  But mostly disappointed. 

Because this doctor.  This idea of what determines quality of life simply because someone has a cognitive disability.  Is WRONG.

If you are just as angry as I am.  If you believe that Amelia deserves to be treated equally.  If you believe that every child deserves a chance then sign this petition.

Support Amelia (Mia) and Her Family on Facebook.

And then go to this page and let the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia know what you think of that Doctor's statement.        

   
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cannot stop thinking about this story and wanted to read their journey from the beginning.  For more on The Rivera's - check out a few of theses posts: 

About Chrissy & Joe Rivera
"Fix You"
How She Does It...

Through the Looking Glass presents Heather McCracken

If you read yesterday's post, you know that over the long weekend I "met" some wonderful folks via Twitter hashtag #youmightbeanautismparentif.  One of those folks is Heather McCracken, founder and executive director of Friend 2 Friend Social Learning Society.  This is her story ~  

*

Necessity is the Mother of a Child On the Autism Spectrum

I will never forget the moment my son was diagnosed…I started to cry, but not because I was upset that the doctor had agreed with my suspicions. I cried out of relief that someone finally saw what I saw, that someone finally believed me. Up to that point I had been on my own. After eighteen long and torturous months and an incredible twelve different physicians finally, on a rainy day in December, one doctor had the courage to agree with a mother's intuition.

What I did not know was that the events of December 4, 1995 would alter the course of my life. My path from that moment forward was a journey with one goal – to ensure that son Iain would know that he was accepted, understood and loved for who he was within his family, his community and his peer group.

My son, like so many others I know on the autism spectrum, wants the one thing that most individuals his age want - to have friends. All individuals regardless of their unique challenges or gifts have the intrinsic need to play, make friends and be accepted for who they are. Individuals with autism are no different; they just express this need differently.

Fast-forward three years to when Iain started kindergarten. Watching him suffer from this social isolation in the school environment, I felt compelled to do what I could to change this situation, not only for my son, but also for other children who experience these same social difficulties. In 2002, after several years of research I designed the Friend 2 Friend Autism Demystification model and programs and founded Friend 2 Friend Social Learning Society, a non-profit charity based in Vancouver, British Columbia Canada.

The Friend 2 Friend Model works to promote understanding, acceptance, and empathy in an effort to foster mutually rewarding friendships between children with autism spectrum and related social communication disorders and their peers, siblings and classmates. This is done by designing and providing programs using age-appropriate tools such as puppets in the Friend 2 Friend Puppet Program for children ages 3-12, and a sensory Simon Says game as part of the Friend 2 Friend Simulation Game Program for children ages 12 and up. 

Our autism demystification programs work to build a general knowledge of autism by modeling characteristics of autism, labeling those characteristic with their proper names, explaining the purpose of those characteristics and finally -- but most importantly -- normalizing the characteristics, comparing them to conventional characteristics that many people have. The Friend 2 Friend model and programs also teach prosocial communication strategies to all of the children (both on and off the autism spectrum). These strategies work to promote social communication competencies in all children and provide a framework for children to feel confident in social interaction with one another. This well-researched, structured teaching model makes up the Friend 2 Friend model and is the basis for all of the programs we design.

In 2002, Friend 2 Friend began field-testing the model and delivering our first program -- the Friend 2 Friend Puppet Program. That year we (two volunteers and I) provided 35 presentations, seeing approximately 1700 children in schools, preschools and daycares in North Vancouver.  The following school year (2003-2004) we provided 287 Puppet Program presentations seeing over 14,000 children in schools throughout the lower mainland of BC. The demand for the Friend 2 Friend programs increases yearly and now in our 9^th year of operation and fast approaching our 10^th anniversary, Friend 2 Friend Social Learning Society provides a host of programs including our signature Autism Demystification programs, our Friend 2 Friend – Integrated Play Groups program, training seminars and conferences such as our satellite training programs, Can I Play Too? Community Capacity Building Project, and our publications program.

  In 2012 we are working hard to establish the Friend 2 Friend Play Centre, a state-of-the art peer play centre combining a research-based awarding-winning SCERTS®, IPG® and F2F models. 

Since our humble beginnings a decade ago, Friend 2 Friend has delivered our Autism Demystification programs to over 130,000 children and 30,000 adults. We have established two satellite partners in Calgary, AB and Burlington, VT, published three self-use autism demystification packaged programs that are subtitled in the 6 UN languages and sold worldwide, and we have delivered over 75 Integrated Play Groups Programs and 200 seminars.

I have to admit that when I founded Friend 2 Friend Social Learning Society and started designing and implementing the Friend 2 Friend Autism Demystification Programs I never imagined for one moment that I would travel the world helping parents and professionals implement the programs. I also never imaged that I would be sitting at a university waiting for my son Iain to finish classes for the day while I wrote this article.

The road we travel in the world of autism is long and winding but it is an amazing ride filled with the joy of acceptance, understanding, empathy and friendships for our children and for ourselves. It is my hope that the Friend 2 Friend programs have and will continue to help make the road a bit smoother for many individuals on the autism spectrum and their peers.

Check us out on:

Website  http://www.friend2friendsociety.org/,

Facebook  http://www.facebook.com/friend2friendsociety    

Blog http://maeonthemove.tumblr.com/

Twitter @F2FHeather

*

Through the Looking Glass Contributor: Heather McCracken is the founder and executive director of the Friend 2 Friend Social Learning Society. She is the creator of the Friend 2 Friend model and programs and a mother of three (Katie, Iain and Emma); her son Iain is on the autism spectrum. Heather actively designs and delivers social, communication peer play based programs for children ages 3 through 18 in schools and other community settings throughout North America and abroad. She an international speaker and widely published, author of "That's What's Different About Me", "Can I Play Too", "Demystifying Autism", and coauthor "Learners on the Autism Spectrum."

"It may be normal, darling; but I'd rather be natural."

Yesterday on facebook a question was posed: Is it important to teach your child with autism to "act normal"?

For parents with ASD kids, "normal" is often a goal.  I remember our ABA therapist said to us "The goal is to have him look as normal as possible.  For him to go out and have no one realize he has a diagnosis."  That was three years ago and at the time, it seemed like a great idea.

Needless to say, the question prompted a lot of different responses.  Here is mine:

I want The Boy to be himself as much as possible.  I want him to be confident and happy.  I want him to be included and form relationships - if that is what he wants.  I want him to be accepted for who is, rather than be accepted because he's worked so hard at being normal.

I want to teach him Respect.  Manners.  Dignity.    

I want society to see beyond the diagnosis.   

I don't want him to be stared at or ridiculed or ostricized.

How can we talk about acceptance and then expect our kids to conform to what society deems to be normal?

Obviously, I wouldn't want The Boy to strip in public or bang his head against a wall or window in frustration.  But if he flapped forever - who is that hurting?  Is he to be shunned because he flaps or may repeat the same sentence over again?

So for now, we'll pass on being normal.  I'd much rather The Boy be Norrin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought I'd share some quotes on normal:

"Normal is over rated, and so is spelling.You want perfection? Go out and buy a spell check, but know this: Spellcheck won't keep you warm at night or love you unconditionaly. I will stick to being abnormal and a bad speller. Makes life more interesting. After all, what fun is there in being normal or perfect?"
Cristina Marrero

"If you are different from the rest of the flock, they bite you"
Vincent O'Sullivan (The next room)

"It may be normal, darling; but I'd rather be natural."
Truman Capote (Breakfast at Tiffany's)

Every normal person, in fact, is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent.
Sigmund Freud

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Albert Camus

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
P. J. O'Rourke

You Know What's Nice?

A Thought.  When people come across an article, movie, book in some way relating to autism and they send it me.  This is happening more and more with Facebook friends, co-workers and classmates.  These are people who usually (a) have no kids or (b) have "typical" kids.  For many, we're their only link to Autism.  For many, the Boy is truly that 1 out of 250.   And I like to think that The Boy is broadening their view on autism.  The thought, makes me feel hopeful. 

I came across this article the other day - Queens Neighborhood (Bellrose) Says NO to Proposed Autism Group Home.  (check out a follow up article - here.)  I grew up in Queens.  To say, I'm disappointed doesn't quite cut it.  And I hope, that the people who think of our family when they think of autism, will welcome autism into their community if the opportunity arises. 

A Smile.  Yesterday morning, I had to take The Boy to sensory gym on the bus.  The Husband had a race.  (Did I mention he's training for the NY Marathon?)  Anyway, I encountered two of the  nicest people.  

The first woman was on the BX 9.  I was sitting across from the boy and he was mumbling about something while playing with his action figures.  I kept shushing him.  An older woman said "Let him be a child."  She scolded me with a smile and there was a twinkle in her eye.  I told her briefly about The Boy's BX 9 melt down earlier this week.  She then shushed me and smiled at The Boy.

Then while waiting for the BX 10, this elderly man moved over so that The Boy could sit and I could stand next to him.  The Elderly Man tried to engage The Boy by asking his age.  The Boy didn't answer, I did.  The Elderly man said nothing more.  But when we got up, he said, "Good luck to you both,"  and smiled.  This could have meant a number of things.  But the way he said it, the way he smiled and looked at me.  I don't know...it meant something to me, it was sincere.

A Kind Word.  This week, I've received a lot of positive feedback regarding AutismWonderland.  And it's been validating.  Obviously, I write this for myself.  It's therapeutic.  And I enjoy writing.  But to have people say that what I'm writing is helpful - always makes me feel good.  I've learned that the best advice/information has come from other moms; I like providing that. And to have friends send me a text or an email or a word extending their support, encouragement; when strangers and friends share their autism experiences with me, well that makes me feel good too.

It makes me feel less alone and I feel like it's one step closer to neurodiverse society. 

Hot and Bothered (The Mother of ALL Melt Downs)

Wednesday is the day we go to the Sensory Gym.  I leave work early, run to pick up The Boy and take the bus up to Riverdale.  (catch up on our Wednesday routine on AW 5/23/11 post - Guilt is Inevitable)

Anyway, today (Wednesday) has got to be the HOTTEST day yet.  And HUMID.  I mean - sticky, icky, sweaty, I want to be naked and run into an open fire hydrant hot and humid.

Today.  The MTA gods are against us.  We wait forever for our bus - we have to let six pass before the one we need comes.  We get off by Lehman College to transfer to the BX10 - but wait!  They changed the bus stop location due to construction.  So I run halfway down a street, dragging The Boy behind me.  

This time only one passes before the one we need arrives.  And even with these little hiccups, we are almost on schedule.  We still have time to sit for a quick slice of pizza before therapy.  But wait!

We're about seven stops away from the sensory gym and we get a call from the therapist; he has to cancel our session.  And we have to get off the bus and take another bus back home.  That's when it begins.  The Mother of ALL Melt Downs. 

meltdown on kingsbridge

The Boy starts to cry as soon as we get on the next bus going home.  I explain to him that there is a change in plans and that we have to go home.  But there is no consoling him.  People stare, shake their heads.  One man gets up from his seat and moves further back.  The Boy cries from 231st all the way to Kingsbridge (about 15 - 20 minutes).  When we get off (to transfer to another bus) I knew people were thinking "Thank God!" 

When the 2nd bus finally arrives (10 minutes later), The Boy is still crying.  Loudly.  And he's stimming (verbally).  "First home.  Then Donuts.  Then when Dad comes, in the car.  We go to Sensory Gym."  (we usually have pizza and donuts on Wednesdays) And repeating lines from the Little Critter book he loves I Was So Mad.  (He repeats lines from this book when he's mad or upset.)

I sat all the way in the back, not wanting to bother anyone.  But The Boy was so loud, everyone heard - even those in the front (of the double bus).  One girl kept looking back at me, shaking her head every single time.  The third time she does it, I prop up my sunglasses on my head and raise my arms as if to say, "What? Say something?"

And the whole time The Boy is crying, I'm trying to comfort him, console him.  Talking to him quietly in his ear, trying to explain that sometimes plans change.  But nothing matters.  Finally, I give up.  And just sit beside him, my face stoic, every so often I rub his back, his arms, trying to soothe him.  The Boy stops - eventually.  When he is ready (after a little over an hour of screaming and sobbing and stimming). 

Then after we get home and settle in.  After I cook and we eat.  And before I type up this post.  I cry.  And stop when I am ready.  (I'm much quicker - only 5 minutes.)  

So...if you're ever on the bus/train and you hear a kid screaming - DO NOT break your neck or shake your head in judgement of the parent or child. Unless of course, you are willing to get up and assist.  Because looking and judging (a) doesn't make the parent feel good and (b) isn't going to make the child stop.