Fathers and Sons at the Playground

The summer came and went without a visit to the beach. Without walking along the sand or dipping our feet in the water. 

Over the weekend, we decided to drive to the beach. It's off season and the parking is free and we knew the playground would be empty. 

The Boy loves the beach. We walked up and down the beach holding hands - more out of need than out of want. The Boy wanted to run, take off his shoes, throw himself in the sand and roll around. But it's winter in New York City. And it was a cold November day.

Norrin and Joseph | Orchard Beach | 11/30/13

After walking along the beach, we headed back to the playground. We were right, it was empty. The Husband and I sat on a bench and relaxed while The Boy ran around. Though The Husband and I sat on benches at opposite ends. This playground is large and there are exits on three sides. The Boy was happy, running freely, flapping his hands. It's nice having the playground to ourselves, a little luxury.

And then they came in. A father with his teenage son. I heard him before I saw them. His voice in the midst of changing from boy to man. His voice sounded familiar, though I couldn't understand anything he said. When I turned to look, I saw them on the swings. The father was swinging, gently urging his son to do the same, "Kick your legs…kick your legs like me." The son's arms looped around the swing chains and was moving gently back and forth, "talking" loudly. Nothing he said made sense but I didn't want to assume the son was non-verbal (because I'm sure when The Boy makes his strange loud noises, people assume he can't speak).  

In that moment, I felt such a strong connection to the father. We were all at the playground, at the beach on cold Saturday afternoon because we knew it would be empty, "safe" for our kids. I imagined the father's worries, his joys. I smiled at the father, though I don't think he noticed - his gaze was focused on his teenage son and trying to teach him how to swing.  

I turned my attention to my son. He was standing at the platform in front of a "fireman pole." I could tell he was hesitant. He's fearless in many ways and in other ways, overly cautious. 

"You can do it boy. Just slide down." The Husband said. "I'm here Norrin. I will help you. Slide down."

Norrin slid down and I clapped before his feet touched the ground. I ran over and told him he did a great job. I smiled at The Husband, "That's his first time doing that."

"How do you feel?" The Boy asked.

"I feel proud." I said. 

The Boy was cold and requested hot chocolate. We left the playground, leaving the father and his teenage son to have the space for themselves. It was their turn.

***

Later I asked The Husband about the father and son. "Did you notice them?" I asked. "He reminded me a little of Norrin."

"Yeah," The Husband shrugged and said nothing else.

We don't talk much about autism. We don't talk about what The Boy's future will be like. We don't talk about our worries or fears much. Maybe it's because we'd rather focus on the present. Or maybe it's because it hurts.    

Whenever we see an older boy with autism - it's like looking through a crystal ball. It forces us into the future we are not quite ready for. Sometimes it's easier to look away and say nothing.

***

The next day I took The Boy to the playground by our apartment. Once again we had the park to ourselves. I sat on a bench and let The Boy run free.

After a few minutes another father and son came in. The son was much younger (probably between 4 - 5 years old) and smaller than The Boy. And I was happily surprised when The Boy said, "Hi! Do you want to play with me?" and the young boy obliged. I watched them chase each other around. 

When The Boy tired of tag, he walked over to the swings and the little boy followed him. The Boy is getting so good at swinging on his own. I thought back to the days when he refused to even sit on the swing and marveled at how far he's come.

The little boy yelled out to his father for help. The father - who was sitting at the other end of the park, reading the paper - didn't get up and just yelled at him to "kick his legs." The little boy tried, wriggling his legs but nothing happened. After yelling for help a second time, the father walked over. 

I watched as the father gently pushed his son, instructing him to kick. And I thought about the father with his teenage son from the day before. I thought of The Husband and The Boy. Different fathers, different sons, different parks, different circumstances - same thing. Just three fathers helping their sons. Doing what good fathers are supposed to do.

Neither The Husband nor I know what the future holds for our son. But I know that no matter what happens, The Boy will always have his father to help him along the way.

     

A Pumpkin Story | #YoursToTell

Be sure to have your volume on - Enjoy 

And did you know we live a short drive away from Sleepy Hollow? I shared our experience over on Babble...check out our  Sunday Afternoon At Sleepy Hollow for Halloween Fun

A Father & Son's 1st Game of Golf ~ Disney Story #YoursToTell

This post is sponsored by Disney Story. To find out more about this brand-new story-creation app – and how it puts the power of storytelling in your hands - click here. 

The Husband was so excited bringing them home. "Check it out babe," he said. "They were on sale!" 

I stared at the box of golf clubs suitable for kids seven and older. The Husband held the box up for The Boy to see. At the time, The Boy was barely standing up in his crib but he already had his first set of clubs.

That was before autism. When we thought things would just come naturally. When we took all the little things for granted.

It was tough for The Husband after Norrin was diagnosed with autism. Like most dads, The Husband had all these expectations of playing baseball, football and golf with his son. I remember with every new therapist, The Husband always asked them to work on throwing or catching a ball.

A few weeks ago, we were trying to figure out something to do. I suggested we take a drive to Randall's Island and play miniature golf. I've never played before and neither has The Boy. The Husband loved the idea and immediately went to search for The Boy's golf clubs. The box was dusty from years of being stored away. But I knew that The Husband was really excited - he waited years to open that box.

I used the Disney Story App to share photos and tell the story of their first golf outing! Check it out  - 
   

  

And if you haven't seen my other Disney Story posts...

A Boy's First Bike
A Graduation Journey
A Day in the Life of a 7 Year Old with Autism 


This post is sponsored by Disney Story. To find out more about this brand-new story-creation app – and how it puts the power of storytelling in your hands - click here. 

Fathers, Sons & Cars

This is a special Father's Day post written by The Husband aka Joseph Fontanez

***

Over the years since his diagnosis, The Boy and I have connected on many levels with like interests. His love of The Peanuts Gang, the '67 collection Spider-Man cartoons, and my pancakes are an example of things that before I became a parent I had always wanted to share with my child.  

However, it's his love of cars, especially the movie Cars, that we share a bond that seems inherently ingrained in both of us.  I grew up in the era of muscle cars, behemoth coupes, roll down windows, and no AC. My Pop was a "wrencher." Any problems with the family car, and in the '70s there always were, my Pop was out front fixing it. I seemed to have bucked this trend as I have absolutely no knowledge of car repair. That does not mean I do not love cars.  I obsess over their lines, shapes, sounds and smells. As does The Boy.

A few months after The Boy was born, we were getting prepared to take the bus to visit my sister. With The Boy in tow we boarded at the first stop of the BX14. (We did not have a car, and living where we did where parking is as scarce as a Bigfoot sighting, we did not feel the need for one.)  It was 11am on a weekday and we were the only ones on board. The Boy was in his carriage and we proceeded to the back of the bus so that we would not be in anyone's way. Once we sat down the driver followed us and proceeded to berate because The Boy was still in his carriage and would be in someone's way. Still being new parents and feeling overprotective we tried to express our feeling more comfortable with his safety having him in the carriage. The Bus Driver refused to drive the bus until we took The Boy out and sat him on one of our laps. At that point we complied. 

The driver proceeded to drive and between the first stop and the stop where we got off, about 4 1/2 miles later, 3 people boarded the bus. Infuriated and annoyed we left the bus and gave the obligatory Bronx sarcastic, "Have a nice day", and continued on our way. At that moment I said to The Old Lady, "We're getting a car!" It was stated a little more colorfully at the time.

There was really only one car for me and that car was the Subaru Impreza WRX. I had obsessed over this car for years. When I was in Asia 90% of the photos I took were of WRXs. When we were finally able to we bought one in WR Blue, the only color acceptable to me, in April of 2006. I was so happy to not have to depend on public transportation or friends to get our family around. That feeling of independence filled me with pride. Funny how things this trivial can make someone feel so happy, when two years later we would be hit with the news that would leave a pit in my stomach that in some respects still exists today.

It's odd to state that a car could be part of the family. How can an inanimate object be considered a family member? Well, that car has shared in all the ups and downs we have had with The Boy.  It was in The Car where we first openly sobbed after The Boy's diagnosis.  It was in The Car through rain, sleet, and snow that I would take The Boy to therapy and The Old Lady to school. The Car was there for all of The Boy's first days of class. It was there for both of The Old Lady's Graduations, and I am hoping will be there for The Boy's future graduations.

You can tell that I am quite fond of The Car. Just as I had expectations for The Boy, I also had expectations for The Car.  When we purchased it I had hopes that when The Boy graduated High School the car would be his. In my mind it would have been like my Pop buying a '69 Mustang maintaining it and giving it to me at my High School graduation.  (Now I had five other siblings that probably would not be too happy with that sort of arrangement, but I am speaking hypothetically of course.) 

The day The Boy was diagnosed I felt as if that reality was taken away from me.  Crying in the front seat, I felt so uncertain about the future. When I glanced at The Boy sitting in the back, with his curly locks and his cheese smile, I thought to myself, "Screw This!", I was not going to let this bury me. 

It's been five years since his diagnosis and I continue to do my best in maintaining The Car.  It’s had its share of dents and dings, but for the most part it looks good for its age, like myself.
  

I still hold on to the hope of Norrin one day inheriting The Car from me, which adds to my obsessing over every little repair.  That's where The Mechanic (Vittorio Principe) comes in.  Or as Norrin calls him, "The Pit Stop."  Vittorio makes sure that The Car stays in great shape and more importantly, totally gets The Boy.  He has been more than accommodating to The Boy when he visits the shop.  Always willing to give him a tour as The Boy marvels at all the different tools hanging in the shop.  Meeting kind people is essential to The Boy's development, just as The Car is essential to our family. 

The Car at "The Pit Stop"

The Boy with Vittorio

Lower East Side #NYC (Sundays in my City)

Before I was a mother, I used to spend most of my time was spent wandering around Lower Manhattan.  And in the years before The Boy, The Husband and I walked hand in hand up and down streets with no destination in mind. But in the recent years, there just hasn't been to wander, roam or window shop. I had miss the richness and the history of those streets.

Earlier this week, we three found ourselves in the Lower East Side. It was too cold to roam. But I am longing for the warmer weather. So that we can all walk hand in hand up and down streets aimlessly. 

The Bronx Equestrian Center (Sundays in my City)

I can't believe we got The Boy to ride a pony! For details on experience click - HERE. 

Christmas Came Early #WordlessWednesday

Okay, maybe just a few words... 

The Boy has been bugging us the last few weeks for this toy. The Husband and I tend to spoil The Boy.  But this time, I was going to stand my ground.  This time, The Boy was going to wait until Christmas.  The Husband ordered it on line so that we would be sure to have come Christmas. 

But The Boy kept asking. 

And asking. 

And asking.

And we would say, "Not today." 

Then the other day, we finally said, "No, you have to wait until Christmas."

And do you know what The Boy did?  

He changed his calendar. And announced it was Christmas. (I didn't know he knew what date Christmas was on.) 

So I am sure you know what we did.

(hanging head down in shame...)  

Toy Boat Workshop @MaritimeAqua

Sesame Place Play Date

I grew up watching Sesame Street.  It's as much of my childhood as the home I lived in.


And that's what I love about motherhood.  Sharing special parts of my childhood with The Boy.  And seeing the joy on his face as he experiences it for the first time.  


As a kid, we never made it to Sesame Place.  So being able to take The Boy is special for me.  I know The Husband feels the same way.  We went last year for the first time and  walking along Sesame Street, was like having part of childhood come to life.  


So when I was invited to Sesame Place for a Blogger Play Date - I couldn't say no.  We were planning on going again this year anyway.


The Boy was just as excited.  Especially about the "water splashing fun" and the "rollee coaster."  I was pleased to hear that he remembered our trip and that he was looking forward to going again.


We got there right as the park was opening and immediately went to the Welcome Center where we requested a ride accessibility band (see below it's the orange band around his wrist).  This band allowed us to enter some rides without waiting on long lines.  We used the band at our discretion - we assessed each line and decided whether or not it was something The Boy could wait for.  The staff was incredibly accommodating to The Boy's needs.

Waiting for Grover's World Twirl  - See how I have hold to on tight?  
He had his cup all picked out.

    

Father & Son getting ready to ride the Vapor Trail

I don't really do roller coasters...I don't care if it's appropriate for kids 3 and older.  

I'm more of a Flyin Fish kind of gal

Last year we used the map to get around, this time we used the FREE Sesame Place App for iPhone to navigate the park.  If you have an iPhone - you have to download the app.  It just makes life easier.  Some of the features include: 

• View a full park map on your iPhone.
• True GPS navigation that provides a highlighted path to your destination
• Interactive park map with search that allows you to find the nearest restroom, dining location, ATM and more.

By 2pm The Boy was all played out and wanted to go.  He has no interest in meeting the characters and taking pictures.  I tried.  Trust me, I tried.  And once he rode a (dry) ride, he isn't interested riding it again.


Not when there's "water splashing fun" to be had.  But I didn't bring my swim suit (I'm not feeling swim suit ready) and while it was warm, it was still breezy.  And when it comes to the water rides - we really need 2 sets of hands to help with The Boy.  And since it was just me, The Husband and The Boy - it was kind of hard for The Husband to do on his own.  


Which means - we'll be heading back to Sesame Place before the summer's over.  And swim suit ready or not - I'll be participating in the water splashing fun.


I was kind of bummed that I missed the actual Blogger Play Date and the opportunity to meet other bloggers.  (I did get to see my friend Rachel White aka The Digital Latina  and meet her family.)  But as you know - when your kid is ready to go.  You go.  As quickly as you can. 

Needless to say, The Boy was knocked out the whole ride home

And even though he had a nice long nap, that evening he slept.  And GET THIS - he put on his own pajamas.  No prompting.  No asking.  ALL. ON. HIS. OWN.  He's never done that before.  


Yeah, he put his pajamas on backwards but who cares.  A Sesame Place influence? I'd like to think so.      
  

Disclaimer:  We were provided with complimentary admission to the park.  The opinions are my own and have not been influenced in any way.    

Father's Day in The Bronx

We had a low key Father's Day.  We went for brunch at a local Bronx restaurant - Bruckner Bar & Grill.  Located in the South Bronx and part of an emerging artists neighborhood of loft apartments, quaint bars and cafes - I am always impressed by the charm of the place whenever I walk in.  Truly a Bronx original.      

We got there at quarter to 11, so we sat outside and waited for a few.  

They're in deep conversation...

His 2nd top tooth fell out this morning!

We just can't eat out at any ol place.  It needs to be planned.  We typically like to get to places early, when they are least likely to be crowded.  And we always make sure we have enough things to keep The Boy occupied.

And when he looks like he's ready to go.  We get and go.  Whether we're done eating or not.  

After brunch, we went shopping.  And that was it.  

We came home and I did laundry.  

Nothing exciting but we were together.  

How did you spend your Father's Day?  

What's a Sunday like in your City?   
Unknown Mami wants to know!   
Go on over to Sundays In My City.

  

Happy Father's Day

the LITTLE things are BIG deal #5

Post #5 for the LITTLE things are a BIG deal meme.  It's easy to link up and share your story. [copy/paste the button (above) in your post or sidebar.  Refer to my blog in your post & link to my current "the LITTLE things are a BIG deal" post. Link your post with Linky Tools. And if you link up, leave a comment.  Otherwise, it's like going to a party & not saying hi to the hostess.] For information click HERE.  You do not have to be a special needs parent to link up.  AutismWonderland is a community.  And I want to celebrate your every day wonderful moments with you. 

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It was hard to tell who was happier to see the Monster Truck Jam Show: the fathers or the sons?  Families of four, five and six giddy with excitement.  Handmade poster board signs clutched in little hands.  Boys in groups, jumping up and down - placing bets on who would win.   

And then there was us.  The Husband giddy with excitement.  Me, nervous and cursing myself for not remembering  headphones.  And The Boy wanting to see Monster Trucks but upon seeing the crowd asked to go home.

As a kid, we always went to shows, Broadway musicals, the Circus, Disney on Ice, Radio City - and once, the opera.  And I knew it would be something I would do when  I was mom.  But these were thoughts before I was mom.  Before I even knew what autism was.

The Monster Truck Jam was our 2nd show; I bought the tickets with reluctance.  After The Backyardigans Live fiasco of 2008,  I told myself we would not buy tickets for another show until The Boy asked to go.

Even the movies have been tough for us.  We've been to 4 - and it's been hit or miss.  I'll spare you the ugly.  If you've got a kid on the spectrum, you know how ugly it can get.  

But back to Monster Truck Jam. We had gift certificates and The Husband insisted The Boy would love it.  So I got tickets.  

After we bought a set of headphones, a toy monster truck and ice cream, we found our seats.  And as soon as we sat down... 

The Boy:  It's time to go.

The Husband: Don't you want to see the Monster Trucks?

The Boy: Yes.  No - no it's time to go home.  

Me:  You see, I told you.  He's not going to like it.

The Husband:  He'll be fine. 

I rolled my eyes at The Husband.  We sat The Boy in between us.  I took off his jacket.  Ripped the toy truck out of the box.  And gave him his ice cream.  That got us through the intros and the national anthem.   (Bad American that I am - I didn't make The Boy stand for the anthem.)

And then...the trucks came out.  And as soon as they started revving their engines, The Boy jumped with surprise and quickly stuck his fingers in his ears.  "It's time to go.  It's time to go."  And he started to get up.

I got him to sit back down.  And tried to put the headphones on his head.  He yanked them off.  I looked at The Husband.  "He wants to go."  

"He'll be fine," The Husband assured me.

And then.  The first monster truck rolled over the first set of cars.  

And The Boy...SMILED!  And started to laugh.  

Fingers in ears.  Ice cream moustache.  Big smile.

And for the next two hours, we sat and watched trucks crush cars and motorcycles jump up into the air.

Well...The Husband and The Boy watched.  I spent most of my time watching The Boy.  Because the smile on his face and the sparkle in his eye, was better than any show I've ever seen.

Note to self if I ever go again: bring earplugs and Advil.  I left with the worst migraine ever. 
  
For more pics from the Monster Truck Show - click HERE!