Max Loses His Only Friend | #Parenthood (Season 5, Episode 12) "Stay a Little Longer"

Parenthood: Season 5, Episode 12

Stay a Little Longer (Jan 9, 2014)

I've been watching Parenthood since it started. I don't know why I've never written about it before. I love the show. (It also sort of annoys me…but I don't want to get into that now.) The show tackles subjects that really hit close to home for me. Last night's episode - rather Max' story line - really moved me.

Recap:

Adam's confused when Micah ignores Max at school. Micah is still Max's best friend, right? Max says they aren't friends anymore, but refuses to elaborate. Kristina wants to call Micah's parents, but Adam is determined to solve the issue directly with Max. After much probing, Max tells Adam that Micah's obsessed with basketball, which is stupid since he's in a wheelchair and can't play. Wheelchair basketball isn't basketball. Maybe that's what offended Micah... Per Adam's suggestion, Max apologizes to Micah and invites him to a Golden State Warriors game complete with hot dogs and nachos. Too busy with his new friends, Micah says no. Adam's heart breaks; Max has lost his only friend. Kristina and Adam rally, revving Max up for an awesome basketball game with his parents.

What I love about Adam and Christina (Max' parents) is how differently they feel when it comes to Max. It's honest and relatable. Over the years, I've seen them grow as a couple and evolve as special needs parents. And yet there is still so much they have yet to learn. I think they believed that because Max and Michah both have disabilities (for lack of a better word) - it would be the ideal friendship. However, Micah's rejection of Max reveals that having a disability doesn't automatically mean you can tolerate or understand someone else's.  

Adam tells Christina, "Max has lost his only friend at school and kids at school are starting to notice his differences and he's all alone." 

It's an experience I can see our family having. Maybe that's why last night's episode hurt my heart so much.

The Boy doesn't go to school with typical kids but he is getting older. The Boy will turn eight years old in two weeks. And the older he gets the more obvious his differences become. The Boy does not have the same interests as a 'typical' 8 year old boy. There are times when I wonder if The Boy experiences loneliness. Even if he doesn't, whenever we're at the playground and The Boy is playing alone - I feel it for him.

Breaking up with a friend is painful. When I walked away from a 20 year friendship it was a difficult decision but I knew it had to be done. And while I missed my friend, I took comfort in the fact that I had other valuable friendships. I could not imagine losing my one and only friend.     

I know Max is only a character in a television show, but that rejection is real. It's something so many kids with autism face. And it's damaging. I never want The Boy to go through that. If I could shield him from those experiences forever, I would. But I can't. 

The Boy doesn't need to be the most popular kid at school. All I want is for The Boy to have one kid, at least one person who gets him.  

While Max has lost his only friend at school, I'm grateful that he has Hank. Because Hank is someone who gets Max.

And I hope there's someone like Hank in The Boy's life.

And if you have no idea what I'm talking about...check out this clip from last week's Parenthood episode, "Promises." (I was a hot sloppy sobbing mess watching this.)

10 TV Shows I Can't Wait To Watch This Fall

It's Sunday night and I'm watching The Husband watch Football. There's nothing new on TV that I care to watch. I mean, my go to channels are Food Network and HGTV but I don't really cook and we live in an apartment so...there's only so much of that you can watch. 

And I don't know about you all, but I'm ready for some Fall TV. I've been ready for weeks if you must know and here are my Top 10 TV shows I can't wait to watch this fall. I am only talking about shows that I know and love. Honestly at this point, I can't commit to watching a new show. 

How I Met Your Mother. It's one of the few shows The Husband and I enjoy watching together. And I don't know about you but I'm so ready for Ted to meet the "Mother." It's time. It's actually a few seasons over due but whatever. New season begins Monday 9/23 on CBS.

Law and Order: SVU. Because what's going to happen to OLIVIA! I don't think I can handle it. New season begins on Wednesday 9/25 on NBC.


Nashville. You know what...don't judge me. I like this show. A lot. It's a captivating storyline and the singing/song writing is spectacular. If you haven't gotten into this show by now. You should. There's time to catch up. You won't be sorry. New season begins on Wednesday 9/25 on ABC. 

Modern Family. I have a serious girl crush on Sophia Vergara. And the show is funny as sh*t. And it's a another show The Husband and I enjoy watching together. I suspect he may like Sophia too. New Season begins Wednesday, 9/25 on ABC.   

Glee. When Cory Monteith (Finn) died earlier this summer, I cried. And as much as I can't wait for the new season to start, it's going to be hard to watch without Finn. I love Glee for so many reasons. But I love it because it reminds me so much of high school...well not my high school but the high school I would have liked to attend. And just between us - I like singing along to the songs that they cover. Sometimes I even get up and dance. I'm just kidding. I don't really dance...or do I? You'll never know. New season begins on Thursday 9/26 on Fox.

Big Bang Theory. Sheldon. Period. New season begins on Thursday, 9/26 on CBS.

Parenthood. Sigh...I have a love/hate relationship with this show. I really really do. I love some of the characters and some of the characters annoy the crap out of me. And I love that there's a character on the show with a form of autism but I kind dislike how they handle it. New season begins on Thursday, 9/26 on NBC. 

Once. I cannot stop talking about this show. It's so good! If you love fairy tales, you'll love this spin on all of your favorite stories and characters. What I really appreciate about this show is seeing a different aspect of the tales I grew up with. Everyone has a backstory, Once, not only explores each characters backstory but it takes them to a whole new level. New season begins on Sunday 9/29 on ABC.

The Walking Dead. And this is the show that just pisses me off. I mean, I watch this show and I am literally yelling at the TV screen. HOW COULD THEY BE SO STUPID!? And Andrea...I was so happy when they killed her off the show. I was over her. But you know who I live for on this show? Daryl (Norman Reedus) - he's one of my favorite characters on the show and I can't to see what happens this season. New season begins on Sunday, 10/13 on AMC. 

Downton Abbey. I know, it's not fall TV. But I am having serious Downtown Abbey withdrawal. I've started watching it from the beginning. I won't go on anymore...just watch the trailer for the upcoming season. New season begins on Sunday 1/5/14 on PBS. 

What shows can't you wait for? Am I missing out on some great TV watching? Let me know...

Another Reason To Love #SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance)

I've been a fan of So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD) from the very beginning. I'm not much of a dancer, but in another life I like to think that I once was or that I will be.

One of the things I admire about the dancers is their tenacity. I mean you hear their stories, some of them auditioning year after year just hoping to make it through another round. It's inspiring for me. It reminds me, that we all have dreams. And if you have a dream, you do not stop no matter how many times you hear the word 'no.'

Last night while watching SYTYCD, The Boy said, "I wish I could dance." I asked him if he wanted to dance with Mommy and he said.

So last night, I danced with The Boy. Because when he makes that kind of request without any kind of prompting - I fulfill it. 

Was The Boy scripting?  Who knows. Who cares.  I'll take those 5 wonderful words and run with it.

I'm sorry to say The Boy fell asleep and missed one of the most beautiful performances I've ever seen on SYTYCD. Dancers Sebastian Grubb and Joel Brown, of the Axis Dance Company, perform an excerpt of Sebastian Grubb’s The Narrowing set to music by the fabulous Joan Jeanrenaud and PC Muñoz. I had never heard of the Axis Dance Company but Sebastian and Joel’s performance was unlike anything I had ever seen before.  

The Axis Dance Company believes “everyone can dance.”  They even have a program for kids. I won’t go on about why the Axis Dance Company is so amazing...go on and see for yourself.
 

IQs, Autism & iPads

In the last four years, The Boy has been evaluated several times.  By neuropsychologists, Board Certified Behavior Analysts, developmental pediatricians, special education teachers, speech pathologists, occupational therapists and physical therapists. 

All the evaluations reveal the same thing about The Boy's cognitive ability.  His IQ is inconclusive.  In his last evaluation, the doctor wrote:

"Full scale IQ was in the extremely low range, however due to significant variability in performance this cannot be considered a valid representation of overall cognitive functioning."

Does autism impact his ability to test?  Is it the ADHD component?  Is it both?  I don't know. 

What I do know is that The Boy is way brighter than any test score reveals. 

And you know what else I know?  The Boy is just as sneaky and mischievous as any other typical 6 year old boy.  Maybe even more so.  Especially when it comes to the iPad.

The Boy is a wiz with the iPad.  He plays games, colors and complete puzzles.  He goes on Netflix.  He adjusts the brightness and the volume independantly.  He goes on YouTube - he types in what he wants to watch.  And like most kids on the spectrum, he watches the same thing - over and over and over and over again.  

Stuff like this...

And this...

All harmless stuff.  Annoying to listen to after 1000 times.  But hey, whatever makes The Boy happy right?

And then The Boy discovered The Family Guy.  (hanging head in shame) In particular this episode:

And when The Boy would watch it, I'd make him turn it off and/or take away the iPad.  But then The Boy started scripting lines from The Family Guy.  Which secretly made me giggle the first time I heard it but "horse sperm" isn't exactly the kind of thing I want my kid to say out in public.

So we did what any other decent parent would do.  We deleted YouTube from The Boy's iPAd.  (Yes, he has his own iPad - we got tired of sharing.)

And you know what that little stinker did?  He found that exact episode on NetFlix.  So that got removed too.

HAHA - we showed you!  Or so we thought.

The other morning I found The Boy quietly sitting on the sofa.  He had my iPad in his lap and my earbuds in his ears.  Now, I don't keep my earbuds connected to the iPad - so he had to find them.

And you want to know what he was watching?

The Family Guy.

Foiled again by a 6 year old.

So much for a "low range IQ." 

Best of the Best, Edition 7: Media and Kids with Special Needs

This month's Best of the Best Edition focuses on Media and Special Needs Kids and I'm proud to have my post - Managing Screen Time. Easier Said Than Done included. Once again, Danette Schott, founder of S-O-S Research, has collected over 25 posts from various writers.  The subtopics include: Advice for handling media, Positive Experiences with Media and Negative Experiences with Media.  It truly is a privilege to be included with such inspiring parents and writers.  I thank Danette for providing the platform for us to share our work and to learn from each other.   

http://sos-research-blog.com/06/best-of-the-best-edition-7-media-and-kids-with-special-needs/

  

And, in case you've missed it...previous BoB posts:

Anxiety and Stress (Edition 6)
Book Reviews (Edition 5)
Family Life (Edition 4)*
School Issues (Edition 3)
Social & Play Skills (Edition 2)
Autism and Treatment Options (Edition 1)*

*AutismWonderland not featured

Wordless Wednesdays: A Loser Like Me (Performed by Glee Cast - video/lyrics)

Yeah, you may think that I'm a zero
But hey, everyone you wanna be probably started off like me
You may say that I'm a freak show (I don't care)
But hey, give it just a little time, I betcha gonna change your mind

All of the dirt you've been throwin' my way
It ain't so hard to take (That's right)
'Cause I know one day you'll be screamin' my name
And I'll just look away (That's right)

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth (So everyone can hear)
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down (Baby, I don't care)
Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me! A loser like me!

Push me up against the locker
And hey, all I'll do is shake it off, and getcha back when I'm your boss
I'm not thinkin' 'bout you haters
'Cause hey, I could be a superstar, I'll see you when you wash my car

All of the dirt you've been throwin' my way
It ain't so hard to take (That's right)
'Cause I know one day you'll be screamin' my name
And I'll just look away (That's right)

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth (So everyone can hear)
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down (Baby i don't care)


Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me!
A loser like me!
A loser like me!

Hey you over there, keep that 'L' up, up in the air
Hey you over there, keep that 'L' up, 'cause I don't care
You can throw your sticks, and you can throw your stones
Like a rocket, just watch me go yeah
L-O-S-E-R, I can only be who I are!

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth (So everyone can hear)
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down (Baby, I don't care)
Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me!

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth (So everyone can hear)
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down (Baby, I don't care)
Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me! (A loser like me!)
A loser like me! (A loser like me!)
A loser like me!

Managing Screen Time. Easier Said Than Done.

My name is Lisa and I am a Screen Time Junkie.  I  love television: documentaries, trashy reality, sitcoms, dramadies, comedies, soaps.  I watch the Home & Garden channel like nobody's business!  And I don't have a home or a garden. 

And oh how I love watching movies! I could easily spend an entire day on my sofa, committing myself to movie marathons - like Star Wars or Twilight.  The Husband is a video game playing fool - we have every system: Play station, Wii, Xbox, the Kinnect.  And we are all about our computers, laptops and iPad. 

So we were never those parents who said we'll never allow our child to watch TV or  set a time limit on TV.  We're bad.  Bad bad parents.

Then there are those parents who so smugly say "we don't allow our children to watch television."  But then these kids are allowed to watch dvds like Dora or the Backyardigans.  Those parents kind of make me laugh, because seriously - who the heck are you trying to kid with your holier than TV thou attitudes?  Screen time is screen time.        

Anyway - we've all been there.  In those meetings answering questions about our kids.  The one I absolutely dread is: How much screen time do you allow your child?  (Screen time is essentially any time you allow your child is in front of a screen: computer, tv, iPad - even Leapster.)  And I'm always honest.  It's about 1 - 2 hours a day and on the weekends, probably more. (Way more, depending on the weekend plans and weather.)  And then I hear: you should try to limit it or manage it.

Easier said than done.   

Monday to Friday - The Boy has a full schedule.  The bus picks him up at 7:19 am.  From 8:30 am to 2 pm he's in school.  He's home by 3:15, then he eats and rests for a bit.  And then from 4:30 to 7 pm, he has therapy (either SEIT or Sensory Gym).  That's a pretty long day for a 5 year old.  So if after all is said and done, he watches an hour of television - who is it going to hurt?  Because there is dinner to cook and dishes to wash.  And as much as I'd love to spend my every second working with The Boy.  I know it's not possible and I don't want it to be.  Sometimes I just want to be his mom, not a therapist in disguise.  Sometimes I need it to just keep him company, so that I can get stuff done.  Sometimes I want to sit with him and watch cartoons. 

But there are teachable moments when watching TV with your child.  Ask him/her questions.  Start a conversation about what you're watching.  While watching TV, I always ask The Boy how a character is feeling or what happened?  If there's singing, I ask The Boy to sing along or dance.  The Boy almost always complies.   

As for the computer and iPad - especially the iPad - they are the best things ever for The Boy.  And like TV, it's something he is willing to work for.  And he enjoys it.  He works on his hand/eye coordination while using the iPad. He engages us in conversation while using it.  He makes requests.  He makes eye contact and uses full sentences - and every word is clear enough that even a stranger could understand.

Why do we want to manage that?  We want to encourage it!     

 

Ultimately, we give The Boy balance.  Yes, we let him watch TV and use the iPad and Leapster.  We really have no set clear cut boundaries.  (Other than making sure, anything he watches is age appropriate - obviously.)  But we read to him - every night.  And we talk and ask him questions about his day.  Sometimes he tells me.  And we sit and do puzzles and play turn taking games.  And we engage him in pretend play.  And when we play, we use scripted speech memorized from television and then we try to make it more spontaneous.

And even on those rare Saturday afternoons when I'm catching up on laundry and cleaning and cooking, when The Boy watches 3 to 4 hours of straight television.  I don't feel guilty.  Because I also know he's not sitting still the whole time completely absorbed in what he's watching.  He's running back and forth and playing with toys and reading books - often using the TV as background noise.  And because I know there are days when he doesn't watch any television at all.  And I'm reasonable enough to know that an afternoon of hardcore TV watching isn't going to be his downfall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                           

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that kids under 2 years old not watch any TV and that those older than 2 watch no more than 1 to 2 hours a day of quality programming.  For more on television and children's health, please refer to the KidsHealth.org article on how TV affects your child and PBS.org article (FAQs) on children and media.