TGIF | Friday Fragments {Ugly Crying & Challenges}

I am a HUGE How I Met Your Mother Fan. If you've never seen an episode of How I Met Your Mother or if you used to watch but got bored waiting for Ted to meet the "Mother" - Monday night's 200th episode was one of THE BEST of the entire series and one you should watch. Truly worth the wait, because they nailed it. And by the time we got to the First Song, I was ugly crying. You may want to grab some tissues before watching.  

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Earlier this week I tweeted a comedian who used "autistic" to make fun of someone's dancing. You will NEVER believe the response I got! You can read all about it, HERE.

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I've been participating in the #365FeministSelfie Challenge created by Veronica of Viva La Feminista. I love seeing what other women are sharing across social media. Don't feel pressured to do it every day - I certainly don't.  Below is the Instagram picture that I shared on Monday morning while on my way to work. But my pictures throughout the week tell a different story and by today...my #365FeministSelfie is looking a wee bit different.    

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And speaking of challenges...It's about time I start challenging myself. I gained a lot of weight in 2013 and I really need to get it under control. I began 2014 tipping the scale at 175lbs. I need to get motivated. I need to get back in the gym and working out at home and eating better. So starting tomorrow February 1st (ending March 2nd) I'm doing the Athleta 30 Day Squat Challenge. Will you join me?  

TGIFriday Fragments! 

#BreakingTheSilence at #LATISM13 {LATISM recap part 1}

On September 18, 2013 (on my 38th birthday) I stepped into The Waldorf Astoria for the very first time. For the 2nd year in a row, I was honored to be named one of LATISM's Top 100 Blogueras. And also, for the 2nd year in a row, I attended the LATISM conference.

I laughed, I cried, I learned and most of all I was inspired by the many voices of LATISM13. The women and men I met were courageous in breaking the silence and sharing their stories - from immigration, mental health, finding balance, obesity, chronic illness and special needs.

I wanted to share some of my highlights with you.

1. I got to meet the President of Iquana Films and film maker, Maria Aqui Carter. Carter's, recent documentary, REBEL, tells the untold story of Loreta Velazquez - a Civil War soldier and spy. Carter says "In a world where our Latino children grow up knowing little of Latino contributions to this country, it is imperative that we recuperate the stories of the incredible Latinos in American history, particularly biographies where we can connect with individual stories."

2. The Panel that should have been sponsored by Kleenex because by the end of the 60 minute session, there wasn't a dry eye in the room: "Work, Life and Balance: Se Puede," moderated by Helen Troncoso. The speakers included: Vicky Barrios, MSW, Jeannette Kaplun, Michelle Herrera Mulligan and Cynthia Santiago. The women spoke candidly and passionately about their personal lives, families and careers. One of my favorite takeaways from this panel was what Jeanette Kaplun said "I believe you can do it all, just not all by yourself and not all at once."

3. The Panel that inspired me to break the silence: "Mental Health: Breaking the Silence in the Latino Community" moderated by Pauline Campos. The speakers included  Helen Troncoso,  Pauline Campos, Nelly Maseda, Jes Sofia Valle and Ane Romero. Pauline Campos nailed it when she said "We are a family-oriented culture. But our tendency to sweep tough stuff under the rug needs to stop."

For years, I have struggled with depression, insecurity and anxiety. If you've been reading my writing for a while, maybe you've seen traces of it here and there. Last year, I hit bottom and decided it was time to get help. During my first therapy session, I explained everything I had gone through over the last 5 years and she said, "It sounds like you've experienced a lot of loss..." Seeing a therapist has been the best decision I could have made - not only for myself but for my family. Yet I found myself ashamed of being in therapy. I only told my closest friends (and it took me months to tell my mother). I hid it, as if it was weakness with me. 

It was during this panel that I had the courage to stand up and tell a room full of strangers that I had been in therapy for the last year. Seeking help for mental health is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of courage. In the coming months I plan to share more of my mental health journey here. 

4. Meeting Pauline Campos and hearing her story truly inspired me. She is funny, fearless and passionate about raising awareness on mental health in the Latino community. Her blog Girl Body Pride empowers women and girls to love their bodies and accept themselves just the way they are. 

5. One of the best parts about attending conferences is connecting with my online friends in real life! It's always such a treat to see Jeannette Kaplun.  What can I say about Jeannette that hasn't been said a million times over? She's an award-winning journalist, author, TV host, spokesperson, public speaker and Latina blogger. Jeannette is just a genuine person and I'm grateful for her support and her friendship.

 Who inspired you at LATISM13? 
  

from top to bottom, left to right: (1) Maria Aqui Carter  (2) Helen Troncoso, Jeannette Kaplun, Maria Herrera Mulligan, Cynthia Santiago, Vicky Barrios (3) Helen Troncoso,  Pauline Campos, Nelly Maseda, Jes Sofia Valle, Ane Romero (4) Pauline Campos (5) Jeannette Kaplun

More LATISM photos and inspiration to come this week! 

We are all heartbroken over Sandy Hook.

Last night I read The Boy a bedtime story. And about halfway through, tears started streaming down my face. I thought of all the parents in Newtown, Connecticut who couldn't read their baby a bedtime story.

"Why are you crying Mommy?" He asked. He was smiling and looking me in the eye.

He recognized I was upset and knew to ask the appropriate question. But I could not explain to him the depth of my grief. And on days of such tragedy, I am grateful for autism. The Boy does not understand the events of the day. He is blissfully unaware. 

I share my gratitude for autism on my Facebook page and one mother shared:

...we still need to prepare our children and ourselves. There is no social story out there to cover something like this...I just purchased a book writing my own social stories...sadly, I think my first story is going to be how our boys need to follow the teachers instructions during events like this for their safety.

The majority of the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting were children - between the ages of 5 and 10 years old. My heart aches for all the families. No parent should ever outlive their child. But to lose a child in such a horrific senseless act of violence... 

How do we prepare ourselves for that? Why should we, as autism parents, have to write a social story about this? 

We are grieving nation. Our hearts are broken. We have lost babies.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its [most vulnerable] members."

Who is more vulnerable than a child?

I think about The Boy. Who is especially vulnerable. Every morning I put him on the school bus. His school is out of the borough - about 25 miles away from home. And every day I hope, he has a good day. Now I hope he returns home.  
    
There are two conversations long overdue: Gun Control and Mental Health Care.

Because we have to protect our children. We need to protect them from gun violence. And when they are suffering from mental illness - they must have the necessary resources to help them.

  

Living with Stigma #SpeakUpForKids

Earlier this week I attended a press conference at the Child Mind Institute to kick off National Children's Mental Health Awareness Week and the Child Mind Institute's Speak Up For Kids campaign.  Some of the statistics were really difficult for me.  Not only because The Boy has autism/ADHD but because some of the statistics applied to me.

I have lived with depression and anxiety for more than half of my life.  And I remember exactly when it started.  I was in the 6th grade. 

My mother thought it was a phase.  She thought I would grow out of it.  She told me I needed to be strong.   

I remember the first time she took me to see a therapist.  She sat next to me for the first part of the session and I just couldn't get the words out.  For the second half of the session, it was me and the therapist.  But I still couldn't speak, knowing my mother was right outside.  Probably with her ear pressed against the door.  When we left, my mother said if I wasn't going to talk - she wasn't bringing me back. 

My mother said that seeing a therapist would probably go on my permanent record, teachers would label me as crazy and that I wouldn't be able to get a job.  She said, if I talked people would blame her for being a bad mother.  

I've talked about the El Que Diran before.  My mother wasn't a bad mother.  I knew she was scared for me.  But she was more scared of what people would say/think about me.  

Old school Puerto Ricans (or Latinos in general) don't talk about depression or having problems.  My mother was raised to keep things private.  What went on at home stayed at home - it was nobody's business.  And you certainly didn't pay a stranger to listen to you talk about your feelings.

My mother believed in prayer and tough love.  And I am grateful for both.  (What's that saying? "I blame my mother for nothing, but forgive her for everything.")  I don't know if it was her prayers or tough love but the fear of my mother's holy wrath kept me from straying too far.

But there were dark days - especially after high school and my early 20s.  I won't go into the details...but my life was out of control and I was lost.  And when I hit bottom; I knew it.  

I had to speak up for myself.  I found a therapist who I felt comfortable talking to. 

My closest friends knew I was seeing a therapist.  Though one of them believed that I was wasting my money and that I should just "get over it."  We are no longer friends.  And I remember telling a guy I was dating, I was seeing a therapist and the look on his face completely changed.  Obviously we didn't date for very long.  As for my mother - she still couldn't understand.  They made me feel ashamed - asking for help. 

They thought I was crazy.  They couldn't understand why I couldn't snap out it.  They thought it made me weak.

So I understand the stigma of dealing with mental health.       

Walking into that therapist's office was the best decision I made.  It took strength to recognize what I needed.  And that's the moment, I started to heal.

There's no quick fix solution for depression.  I believe it's a process.  It's something I am incredibly conscious of.  My therapist taught me how to be more self aware.  There are moments when I slip but I pick myself up and I keep going.  

 

Yes.  Some days are harder than others.  And I no longer see a therapist (I just don't have the time.)  But I have family and friends to talk to.  I have a husband who gets it.  And I have a son who needs me.  And my writing has helped me so much.  It's my own private practice. 

 

But I also know where to go when my friends, husband, son and writing are not enough to keep me going.          

There is no shame in needing someone to talk to.  There is no shame in depression.  There is only shame when you choose to do nothing about it.

On Friday, May 11, at 12PM ET the Child Mind Institute will be hosting a live Speak Up for Kids talk on Facebook in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week.

For more events please visit the Events page on Child Mind Institute - http://www.childmind.org/en/events/ 

And for more information on mental health:

• http://www.childmind.org/
• Child Mind Institue: Myths about Depression 
• Healthy Place (website)

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist nor am I providing any medical/pyschiatric advice - I am just sharing my own personal experience, thoughts and opinions.

Mental Health Matters to Latinos #SpeakUpForKids

In case you missed yesterday's blog post - this week is National Children's Mental Health Awareness Week and the Child Mind Institute is honoring it's 2nd annual Speak Up For Kids campaign.

And after yesterday's conference and reading through all the materials - I am dedicating this week to help raise awareness and to Speak Up For Kids.

I just want to share some startling mental health facts:

• More than 15 million American children & adolescents have diagnosable psychiatric disorders - more than the number affected by leukemia, diabetes, and AIDS combined.
• Approximately 50% of these kids will never get help. 
• Anxiety Disorders appear to affect girls more than boys.
• Untreated depression is one of the leading causes of teen suicide.
• Some 80% of cases can be readily and successfully treated if kids get help.
• ADHD is the most common psychiatric condition affecting children
• ADHD is diagnosed more frequently in boys than girls
• Children with ADHD drop out of high school 10 times more than other children.
• Untreated, kids with ADHD are more likely to drop out of school, develop a substance abuse problem, or get in trouble with the law.
• It's estimated that learning disorders may impact anywhere from 5 to 20% of all children - as many as 1 in 5 in every classroom.
• Only 64% of students with diagnosed learning disorders graduate from high school.  Their drop out rate is nearly 3 times that of students in the general population
• Working-age adults with learning disorders face higher unemployment rates. 

At yesterday's press conference, we discussed the stigma of mental health.  I believe within the Latino community the stigma and shame of mental health is even greater.

In reading the mental health facts - I wondered how many Latino children went without help they needed.  And I found some startling statistics of my own:   

Suicide attempt rates among Latina high school students in New York have nearly doubled since 2007, reports El Diario/La Prensa. A recent study commissioned by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) of 9,469 New York high school students found that nearly 15 percent, or one in six, Latina students attempted suicide one or more times in 2009. Significantly higher than African-American women (10.2%) and young Caucasian women (6.2%) (source)

High school drop out rates tend to be higher in cities with high socioeconomic disparities and racial segregation. "Epicenters of the dropout crisis are made up of a combination of traditional big-city districts and large countywide school systems. Many of the latter are home to major urban centers," Education Week reported.  "The New York City public school system, the nation's largest district, serves 1.1 million students and predictably emerges as the leading source of non graduates, with nearly 44,000 students slipping away each year." (source)

I am not saying that the Latina suicide rate or that the NYC drop out rates are all linked to mental health but I definitely believe it's a factor.  Poverty, lack of education/awareness, and social stigma all play into the fact that many individuals go without the help they need to live a productive and happy life. 

I wonder how many of these kids went undiagnosed and untreated. 

I wonder how many parents believed their daughters were just being dramatic or if it was just a phase.

I wonder how many parents believed their child would just "grow out of it."

I wonder how many non graduates were called lazy or stupid.

And I wonder how many parents just didn't know what to look for in their children.  Or if they recognized something was wrong - maybe they just didn't know where to go.  Maybe they thought they couldn't afford help.

One of the great things about the Child Mind Institute is that they really want to help children and families - and they don't want money to get in the way.  For families and children with financial need they offer a sliding scale fee and financial aid. 

I think it's important for us to realize that it's okay to get help.  There is no shame in needing mental health treatment.  The only shame is allowing it to go untreated.

Tonight (Tuesday, May 8) at 7PM ET, the Child Mind Institute (@ChildMindDotOrg) will be hosting a tweet chat in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week on Parenting in the Digital Age.

I'll be participating on tonight's Tweet chat - with bullying moving from the playground to cyberspace - it's critical that parents know how to protect their children.

And on Friday, May 11, at 12PM ET the Child Mind Institute will be hosting a live Speak Up for Kids talk on Facebook in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week.

For more events please visit the Events page on Child Mind Institute - http://www.childmind.org/en/events/ 

Light It Up Green - #SpeakUpForKids

May 6 - 12 is National Children's Mental Health Awareness Week  

Today I was invited to the Child Mind Institute to kick off National Mental Health Awareness week and the 2nd annual national public education program - Speak Up For Kids.


The Child Mind Institute is dedicated to:

• transform mental health care for children everywhere;
• raise awareness; and 
• empower children and their families with the information they need to get help, hope and answers. 

Dr. Harold S. Kopelwicz, President of the Child Mind Institute and one of the nation’s leading child and adolescent psychiatrists, spoke passionately about erasing the stigma of mental health.

Though 15 million children in the United States have psychiatric and learning disorders, very few of them will be identified and get the help they need.  That's why we need you to Speak Up For Kids and to let the world know that silence and shame are not options.  The Child Mind Institute is committed to providing the support and information families need to get children the care they deserve.   

As the parent of a child with Autism/ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder I am well aware of the stigma our children face.  But parents of special needs children are also stigmatized.  


Parents.com surveyed readers and 74% of parents said that kids are often put on medication as a quick and easy fix. (For the complete survey go HERE)  


74% - I was shocked. I know many parents who have put their child on medication and I can tell you.  It's not a decision any parent takes lightly.  I go back and forth myself.  And yet, other people are so quick to judge.  


If a child had cancer, asthma or diabetes and medication was an option - would anyone be as quick to call it a "quick and easy fix?"


But when it comes to Mental Health and psychiatric disorders - there is no easy fix or a one size fits all solution.  
  
I learned a lot today.  While it was great to learn more about the Child Mind Institute.  It was most upsetting to learn about all the misinformation there is regarding children's mental health.  This week of awareness is important for everyone.    


And in honor of this week, the Child Mind Institute will be hosting a series of events:   

• Tuesday, May 8, at 7PM ET, the Child Mind Institute (@ChildMindDotOrg) will be hosting a tweet chat in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week on Parenting in the Digital Age.
• Friday, May 11, at 12PM ET the Child Mind Institute will be hosting a live Speak Up for Kids talk on Facebook in honor of Children's Mental Health Awareness Week.

For more events please visit the Events page on Child Mind Institute - http://www.childmind.org/en/events/