Thursday, February 23, 2012

I Wish I Could...

There are a lot of things a gal like me could wish for. 

I wish I could have a million dollars - because um, , who wouldn't want a million dollars? 

I wish I could do something wild and crazy like jump out of an airplane but I'm a big ol chicken.

And I wish I could see ten years into the future. 

But mostly, I wish I could ask The Boy a question and have him answer back

I often feel that autism is like playing a game of 20 questions, except I'm playing alone.  I spend most of my day, trying to figure out what The Boy wants, means or needs.  I spend so much time trying to figure out what he's trying to say.  And at times, wondering if I got it right.

I know I should be counting my blessings that The Boy has language.  And I feel like it's selfish to wish for, want or expect more than what I have.  Because he can tell me when he's hungry, thirsty or sleepy.  The Boy can recite lines from movies and books.  He can point and tell me exactly what toy he wants when we're out shopping.    

But he can't answer a question - like what he had for lunch.  Or who he played with in school.  Or what was the best part of his day.  And I'd like to know.

(And with the 3 recent NYC public school sex scandals - I want need to be able to ask The Boy if he's been touched inappropriately.  And I need him to be able to answer correctly.  It's a discussion, I'll need to have with the home based therapists - I need The Boy to be able to understand good touching and bad touching.  But that's for a whole other post...)

Too often, I see parents engaged in back and forth conversation with their kids.  And I want that with mine.  

I would love nothing more than to come home from work, ask him about his day at school and have him answer me back.

The Boy's come such a long way since his diagnosis.  I am hopeful that one day it will happen.  I just wish it could happen sooner rather than later.  But like everything else in our journey, the things we want most happen in their own time.

What do you wish? 

Post inspired by:

Mama’s Losin’ It

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AutismWonderland - written by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez - is a personal blog chronicling a NYC family's journey with autism, while also sharing local resources for children/families with special needs.