Thursday, April 21, 2011

Autism Ain't for Wimps

Growing up I was sort of a wimp - just a skinny girl with a squeaky voice who really didn't threaten anyone.  Everything scared me and I grew up not knowing how to fight, throw a ball, ride a bike or swim.  I don't get on roller-coasters.  I don't watch scary movies.  And I absolutely refuse to learn how to drive.  Why?  I'm a wimp.  About most things anyway.

Yesterday I took The Boy for his first haircut.  The Husband was working and I had to handle The Boy's first cut solo.  (The haircut is a whole other post - wait for it, it's coming soon.)  Anyway the woman who cut his hair was really great, very patient.  A mother of 5 kids she said to me: You must be really strong.  I don't think I could handle it. 

It wasn't the first time any one's called me strong or brave.  I've even been called a "hero" and being referenced as any one's "hero" makes me uncomfortable.  Because I really don't consider myself to be any of these things. 

I have moments where I completely lose it.  Where I lay on my sofa and cry.  And it's the ugly uncontrollable cry when I feel like I can't breathe, snot is dripping from my nose and all the tissues in the box aren't enough.  I have moments when I want to throw the phone across the room because I'm tired of making phone calls or leaving voice mails.  Moments when I wish that things weren't so difficult.  Moments when I'm exhausted, frustrated and far from strong.

However, these are just moments and they really don't make me a wimp. They make me human.  I'd be a wimp if I stayed on the sofa crying or if I threw the phone across the room and never made another phone call.  I keep on keeping on.  Because when it truly matters, I let go of my inner wimp long enough to get what needs to be done, done.  Not because I'm this incredibly strong person or super heroine.  Not because I have to.  Not even because it's what a mom is supposed to do.  I do it because I want to.
So I will proudly claim my wimp crown about everything else but when it comes to The Boy - I will and can do absolutely anything.  


  1. Absolutely right! I couldn't have said it better myself. People always say these great things about me, but really, I am not perfect and I have my moments of frustration! But in the end, we persevere and do what needs to be done for our kids! You're doing a good job Lisa; hang in there!

  2. Thanks Margie! It seemed so strange that this mom of like 5 kids is calling me strong. It's amazing the things people can do when they have no other choice...

    You're doing a good job too :)

  3. I totally agree! I have wondered if I would as strong as I am now if my son didn't have autism, but I guess that I will never know...

  4. Great post, How did you know what's going on at my house? Three days of calls with no returns and two no shows from ABA provider....but I keep going, and I'll call them again in the morning.....because it matters to my little guy. Only posting anonymous because I don't have extra energy to set up a new acct!! Jensworld


AutismWonderland - written by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez - is a personal blog chronicling a NYC family's journey with autism, while also sharing local resources for children/families with special needs.