Growing up I was sort of a wimp - just a skinny girl with a squeaky voice who really didn't threaten anyone. Everything scared me and I grew up not knowing how to fight, throw a ball, ride a bike or swim. I don't get on roller-coasters. I don't watch scary movies. And I absolutely refuse to learn how to drive. Why? I'm a wimp. About most things anyway.
Yesterday I took The Boy for his first haircut. The Husband was working and I had to handle The Boy's first cut solo. (The haircut is a whole other post - wait for it, it's coming soon.) Anyway the woman who cut his hair was really great, very patient. A mother of 5 kids she said to me: You must be really strong. I don't think I could handle it.
It wasn't the first time any one's called me strong or brave. I've even been called a "hero" and being referenced as any one's "hero" makes me uncomfortable. Because I really don't consider myself to be any of these things.
I have moments where I completely lose it. Where I lay on my sofa and cry. And it's the ugly uncontrollable cry when I feel like I can't breathe, snot is dripping from my nose and all the tissues in the box aren't enough. I have moments when I want to throw the phone across the room because I'm tired of making phone calls or leaving voice mails. Moments when I wish that things weren't so difficult. Moments when I'm exhausted, frustrated and far from strong.