Dos Mujeres, Una Cocina | Two Women, One Kitchen

Her way is always better. She won’t say it, but I know that’s what my mother thinks every afternoon when she walks into my kitchen. And it’s implied in very subtle ways. The way my mother rearranges the tupperware in my cabinets or the food in the fridge. The way she scrunches her nose as she watches me cook. Or the way she scrutinizes my purchases, frowning at their prices. “It’s not that you cook good, you just buy expensive ingredients,” she’ll say.

My kitchen is the size of a small cell. Room enough for only two: one to cook, one to watch but always one of us in the other's way. 

When I was a girl my mother used to call me into the kitchen while she cooked, commanding me to pay attention. Even though the kitchen was big enough for the both of us, I'd still get in her way; usually handing her the wrong items and asking too many questions. After a few ay Dios mío's and coño's my cooking lesson was over and my mother would exile me to the living room.

Many years later, my mother and I are titans, both vying for power in la cocina. I look forward to cooking holiday meals, creating my own traditions. My kitchen has become a place of solace, a place to stand and clear my head while cooking for others.  But in a galley kitchen like mine, it's too easy for my mother and I to clash. While I cook my mother will tiptoe to lean over me and criticize my technique, “That’s not the way I do it.” 

My mother wields the pilón; I pump the mini chopper. My mother blends peppers red and green, cloves of garlic, bulbs of onions, recao, cilantro and olive oil to make a large batch of sofrito. It is the base of her every meal.  I cook with sofrito so rarely that when I need it, I buy the ingredients, chop everything up and sauté it into my meal.

I shop at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's; I buy organic. My mother shops where she has coupons, scouring the neighborhood for the best prices. She goes one place for milk, another for eggs, somewhere for meats and so on. My mother will never pay full price for anything if she knows she can get it on sale.

My mother cooks her specialty dishes with ease, never having to consult a book, eyeballing ingredients. I rely on Food Network, printed-out recipes and measuring spoons. My mother trusts her culinary instinct. Mine are still being cultivated.

I am the occasional cook, making elaborate meals for a holiday or celebration. My mother cooks every day; it’s a part of who she is. I realized this the day I invited my parents over for Christmas dinner. I was going to cook the signature Puerto Rican meal: pernil, arrroz con gandules, potato salad.  My mother said she would bring pasteles.

The thought reminds me of childhood; watching my mother at the kitchen table late on Saturday night. A large pot at the center, sheets of wax paper in front of her, a ball of white twine. Wrapping each pastel in parchment paper like a present; humming to herself or the phone nestled between her shoulder and ear, talking with my madrina  It is an all day/ all night affair, an offering. And the culinary commitment secures my mother’s place as the master. I am still the apprentice.

My mother's pasteles are perfection. The masa is firm, filled with flavorful meat and neatly wrapped with care. And when cooked, it slipped out of its wrapping in one piece.

I do not want anyone else’s recipe other than hers. I cannot wait for the day for her to come over and share her pasteles recipe and technique with me. No matter how big or how small my kitchen is - there will always be room for my mother to stand beside me.  

A Thanksgiving cheers with my mother | 2013

This is a revised version of my essay Clash of Las Cocinas originally published on Being Latino, December 2010. 

I Finally Saw Les Miserables (and I may be a little obsessed)

Yesterday I treated myself to a lazy day - meaning, I didn't leave my apartment at all. I spent much of my day, on the sofa - writing, thinking and watching LesMiserables.

I can't believe I didn't see it in the theaters. I can't believe I never saw it on Broadway all those years it was running. I am kicking myself.

After I watched the movie, I took another hour to watch the extras - to learn more about the story and making of the film. And then I downloaded the book. And I'm ready to purchase the soundtrack. (I'm a little obsessed.)

I knew it would be good. And I knew I would like it. But I was surprised how strongly I would feel about it. How quickly I would fall in love with these characters. Or how much I would identify with them. 

I've loved Anne Hathaway for years - ever since I saw her in Ella Enchanted. As Fantine, I was captivated by her. I cringed when they cut off her hair. And winced when they yanked out her tooth. And when she sang, "I dreamed a dream" - I was sobbing like a baby. Sobbing.

The entire cast was amazing. But one my absolute favorite characters? Gavroche. 
I am just so impressed by this kid.

And it's sparked a new curiosity to learn more about the French Revolution.

Today I'll have another lazy day. I have a ton of laundry to wash, fold and put away. And I'm  thinking LesMiserables would be a great movie to watch while doing my chores.

What's your favorite movie to watch on a lazy Sunday?

Are you a Les Mis fan? What do you love about it?

* I purchased this movie. I just loved it so much, I had to write about. All opinions are my own.

It Was Bound To Happen. I'm Becoming My Mother.

My relationship with Carmen (aka my mother) hasn't always been easy.  I am quite certain Carman can say the same about her relationship with me. But I love her and would be completely lost without her. And she is a wonderful Abuela to The Boy (you can read about their relationship HERE).

There was a time in my life when I said I wanted to be nothing like her.  And now I spend most of my days trying to be half the woman she is.

These are few things I've said, thought or done that remind me slowly but surely, I'm becoming my mother.


Why are there 4 boxes of cereal open? And don't let there be more than 2 kinds of juice open in the fridge.

The other day I was out walking with The Boy and he asked for ice cream from the ice cream truck and I said, We have ice cream at home.  Neopolitan to be exact. It was the only flavor my mother would buy. I used to hate it. And when I bought it the other day, I cursed myself at the check out counter when I made the connection.

Speaking of check out counters...If I realize something is not on sale as the cashier is ringing it up, I decide I don't want it. 

When out shopping, I find myself looking at labels. If I see dry clean only - I immediately put back on rack. I have to really really really love something to buy something that is dry clean only. 

That's not the way I do it.

I walk around the apartment turning off lights and appliances like a mad woman. What do these people think, I'm sleeping with the Con Ed man?

I reuse paper towels whenever possible (and also zip locks). And don't throw away that (paper/plastic) bag, that's a good bag.

Dios Mio, ¡Ayúdame! or ¡Qué jodienda coño!  I don't even speak Spanish but if you heard me say either of these phrases, you'd swear it was my first language.  


Because I said so, that's why.

And these are some of the things I don't do, that make me realize, I haven't become my mother just yet:

• make my own sofrito
• cook 3 meals a day and make dinner large enough for leftovers
• clip coupons and use them
• move my stove and refrigerator twice a year for a good cleaning
  

When do you do, say or think that makes you realize you've become your mother?

Top 10 Favorite Books

I really do love linking up with Stasha on Mondays and today is all about books.  As an English major - how can I possibly resist?  Pay no attention to the number order - it means nothing.  Every book listed, I've read several times, during different stages of my life and each time I read it, I discover something new. 

1.  A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. I will never forget the year I read this book.  I was a junior in high school - wait?  Maybe it was sophomore year.  Whatever, it was in Ms.  Schwartz' class that I know for sure.  Even though the book is set in Brooklyn in the early 1900s and even though the Nolan's are Irish-American - I identified with Francie Nolan and her family in a way that I never connected with a character before.   

2. Kindred  by Octavia Butler. It was the first book I read in college.  I read it in less than 2 days.  Anyone I have recommended this book to, has come back and told me it was one of the best books they've ever read. 

3. When I was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago.  This book, this woman - changed my life.  I wrote a whole blog post about Esmeralda Santiago being my Latina Literary Idol. "...never had I read about a girl like me; with black hair and brown skin and brown eyes with a name too difficult to pronounce. For me, the name Esmeralda Santiago rolled off my tongue easily. And even though I didn’t speak Spanish, I understood every word that was sprinkled throughout. It was the first time a book had spoken to me, the first time I could truly identify with a narrator and I could so effortlessly hear the sound of her voice."  You can read the rest here.


Me with my Latina Literary Idol

4. New York: The Novel by Edward Rutherford.  If you're a historical fiction junkie - especially when it comes to New York history - like I am.  READ THIS BOOK NOW!  Warning: this book is bible thick - 880 pages.  But it spans from 1664 to 2001 - there's a lot of stuff going on.  But it is so worth it.  

5.  A Garden of Earthly Delights by Joyce Carol Oates.  I love anything Joyce Carol Oates writes.  Period.

Here are a list of my favorites by category -  

6.  Play: A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams.  Nothing moves me, the way Tennessee Williams moves me.  And Blanche DuBois is probably in my Top 10 of favorite literary characters.       

7.  Pulitzer Prize winning book.  The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz.  I've read everything Junot Diaz has ever written.  I went to a reading at the 92nd Street Y and he was fantastic, such an inspiration to me.  So down to earth, witty, charming.  I waited on line so that he could sign my book - I told him I was a writer too.  We were even FB friends for a while.  And then I deleted that account.  When I tried to friend him again, he didn't accept my request.  :( Junot - if you're reading this.  Friend me, K?!   

8. Guilty pleasure that I'm embarrassed to read in public:  The Twilight Series.  Please don't judge me.  I'm so embarrassed, I'm not even going to include a link.  (I would say the Hunger Game Series but I'm still working my way through the second book. But Katniss totally kicks ass - I not at all embarrassed by her.)   

9. Children's Book:  Oh, The Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss.  I read this book as a child and enjoyed it.  But I remember reading this book in the 8th month of my pregnancy.  I was setting up The Boy's room, arranging his books, folding his clothes.  And I sat in the rocker and read this book out loud.  I cried because I had so many dreams and I couldn't wait to hold and smell and kiss my baby boy.  After the autism diagnosis, this book took on a whole new meaning.  I make it a point to read this book to The Boy at least once a month.  I want to drill the message into his head.   

10. Autism Book: Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Notbohm.  It was one of the first books I read on autism after The Boy was diagnosed and it really gave me a different perspective. I think it's a book everyone should read. 

So there it is.  My Top 10 Favorite books.  What are your favorites?  And be sure to click on the pic below and see what everyone else loves.      

The Unknown Mami

If you're a blogger, blog writer or blog reader - you have a blog you stalk.  At least I do.  (You know you do too.)  For me, there is one blog writer that I always make time to read and comment.  (And these days - it's tough to keep up.)  

Her name, you ask? She is known as The Unknown Mami.  

Whether the Unknown Mami is writing about motherhood, marriage, milk or the mundane she's always exciting to read.  Over the last few months, the Unknown Mami has made me laugh and cry.  She has inspired me to do stuff like this and this.  Her girls, Put Pie and Luna Pie amaze me.  Unknown Mami's husband - Unknown Papi, he's pretty cool too.  And even when the Unknown Mami is Aiming Low, she's soaring high. 


It's been a pleasure getting to "know" her through her writing and I hope one day our paths will cross. 


And if you haven't discovered the Unknown Mami for yourself, well then...here she is  ~    

Intro in your own words:

Hi, I'm Unknown Mami; otherwise known as The Most Interesting Woman in the World. My cleavage alone has experienced more than a lesser woman’s entire body. My sweat smells like gardenias. I may or may not be prone to exaggeration.

What inpired you to start your blog?

In 2008 at the age of 37, I became a mother. Before that my life had always involved acting in some way or another. All of a sudden I wasn't going out on auditions, or rehearsing for plays. I felt isolated and without a sense of community. I was used to creating on a regular basis and then all of a sudden... nothing. I woke up one day (April 17, 2009 to be exact), my first daughter was 7 months old, and decided to start a blog. I put a paper bag over a picture of myself and Unknown Mami was born.

Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks?  Neither. I live in San Francisco where coffee is abundant and the need to frequent a "chain" is almost non-existent. If I have to choose a chain, then it would be Peet's Coffee.

Describe your ideal day?  I would get to sleep as long as I needed to. That's it. Sleep, that's what I long for.

You're stranded on an unknown island with Unknown Papi, Put Pie and Luna Pie - what 3 items would you want to make your lives easier?  And why.

A lighter for fire, pocket knife for all kinds of things, and a laptop with internet access so that I could blog about the experience and look up tutorials on how to survive on an island.

Where do you see the Unknown Mami in 10 years?

You know what? I'm open to the possibilities. I don't know where Unknown Mami will be in 10 years and I don't want to know. I'm happy just seeing it all unfold.

If your Valentine's Day sucks. Blame these guys.

I dislike Valentine's Day VD for several reasons.  Not only is it overrated and expensive but it perpetuates unrealistic notions of romance.  Don't even get me started on all the VD cliches.  I mean, shouldn't you show/tell your loved ones you care every day not just today.  Anyway...I digress.  This post has absolutely nothing to do with autism.  Today I just needed to keep it light. 

So ladies & gents, if you're having a sucky Valentine's - feel free to blame these guys:         

Daddy Warbucks: Disgustingly wealthy, single and he adopts an orphan.  He sings and dances and marries his secretary!  Not only did Daddy Warbucks ruin any girl with daddy issues, but also gave false hope to the single secretary looking for love.
  

Mike Brady: What is it about the single dad?  He's an architect who remarries a woman with 3 kids.  Not only that, but Carol is a stay at home and they have a housekeeper.  Mike never complains about anything.  Ever.   And in my Brady Bunch watching years, he never turned on the television to watch any kind of sport. 

Danny Zuko (Grease): The blue eyed bad boy.  With that voice and those moves.  Any girl would gladly haul all her cookies all the way to the beach for this guy.  Danny abandons the T-Birds and is willing to do anything to get his Sandy back. 

Tristan (Legends of the Fall): Um...it's Brad Pitt.   Need I say more?

Gilbert (What's Eating Gilbert Grape?): Johnny Depp.  Again.  Need I say more?  Me thinks not.     

Hawkeye (The Last of the Mohicans):  When Hawkeye (Daniel Day Lewis) tells Cora (Madeline Stowe) "You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you."  And he's all sweaty, chest heaving with passion and she's all damsel in distress tough girl and with that music playing in the background...soooo dramatic.  

Johnny Castle (Dirty Dancing):  Another bad ass who can dance.  Seriously?  And that whole lake scene, lifting Baby up...then telling her dad off.  "Nobody puts Baby in a corner."  

 

Noah (The Notebook):  "If you're a bird I'm a bird." Aside from the fact that Noah is incredibly charming.  He builds a freaking HOUSE!  How can anyone not fall for Ryan Gosling.  But if you're not a fan of Ryan, I guarantee you will be after you see what Sunday Stillwell's did with him.  He can Hey Girl me anytime ;) 
      

Edward/Jacob: (Twilight)  All of it.  The books, the movies. The lines thrown around by these 2 have ruined Valentine's Day for millions.  I mean, really?  Who can top -"No measure of time will be long enough. But let's start with forever."  Who says this kind of sappy crap?  (I still swoon whenever he says it.  I watched Breaking Dawn twice this weekend.  Don't judge me.)     

But I gotta tell you, none of these guys can hold a candle to my guy. 

Yesterday, The Husband was off from work and sent me an unexpected text.  "I know how you like it." 

And then he sent this picture with it:

    
And for me, there's nothing sexier than a man who knows what to do with a mop.  I swooned...