Thank You Tyler Gildin {Comedian Apologies for using "Autistic" as a Joke}

This morning, I quickly scrolled through my FB feed and saw a link to The Most Awkward Dance Moments of The 2014 Grammy Awards. I didn't watch the Grammy's so I was interested in seeing some of the write ups. And Tyler Gildin's article was pretty hilarious. 

Then I saw the caption: Autistic Bear Bounce. And I stopped laughing. 

Because the singer's (I'm old and have no idea who the woman is) dance movements looked like The Boy's stim - eyes half closed, arms moving up and down stiffly. And it pained me. The Boy cannot help his stim. He does it when he's excited or frustrated or scared. 

And lately, The Boy's been interested in dancing. He's always talking about having a "dance party." His dancing, is usually just jumping up and down or moving stiffly from side to side. Dancing doesn't come naturally to him. It's only in the last year that he's acquired the motor planning to dress himself. 

I took the joke of "Autistic Bear Bounce"personally. I couldn't just let it go. So I left a comment. And then I sent Tyler Gildin a tweet.

And you know what happened? He not only changed the caption but he apologized. 

@LaliQuin @EliteDaily apologize. We changed it immediately. Did not mean to offend. Truthfully sorry.
— Tyler Gildin (@TylerGildin) January 27, 2014

Tyler Gildin could have been a jerk (ahem, DL Hughley). Gildin could have easily turned against me on Twitter and made me a target of his ridicule. And he didn't have to change his article. But he did. And I appreciate it. 

Someone replied to my comment, saying I should "chill out." But I just can't chill when it comes to autism or any other special need being the punchline to a joke. It's not okay to make fun of autism. Ever. I have written about use of the 'r-word' and I worry that autism will soon replace it as a derogatory term. I don't want to be the word police. But people must be held accountable. People need to understand why their words matter. I hope Gildin understands the power and impact of his words. And I hope that he'll think before using autism as the punchline.   

When I think of how hard The Boy has worked to do all the things that come so easily for other kids like point his finger, wave, jump or speak. I am so proud and I cherish every one of those milestones (they are often the things that keep me going). It’s incredibly painful when people use autism as a term of ridicule. 

The Boy is growing up. One day, he may like a girl or want to play basketball with the neighborhood kids or apply for a job. I don't want to think about him being left out or made fun of because he's different. All I want is for him to be given a chance and to be understood.

I'm just one mom. I can't change the world. But today, I changed one person's mind.  And it's a small victory.  

An Open Letter to Justine Sacco

I will not open this letter with 'Dear' because that would imply some courtesy. And I don't care to address you by your first name because that would be too familiar. Quite honestly, I have no desire to be courteous or familiar with you. Even addressing you by Ms. Sacco seems to offer you a respect you are not worthy of.

I'm not the public relations expert you are but when I read your tweet, my jaw dropped. How does someone in public relations insult an entire continent and race of people? The very country you're flying to, no less! I mean, I'm not PR expert but I'm thinking that's a big no no. Because aside from it being incredibly racist and  ignorant - it was simply reckless.

And I may have believed the talk that your twitter account being hacked. 

But then I read about some of your other tweets.

Not only have you tweeted racist insults, you've also used the r-word as a slur. And your tweet about the sex dream…is disgusting. 

Last October I wrote an open letter to Ann Coulter about her use of tweeting the r-word: 

You have hurt millions of children and adults living with any kind of disability. In 140 characters or less, you have sabotaged and diminished every single thing a special needs parent advocates for. You are perpetuating this stereotype that individuals with special needs are stupid, ugly, worthless and less than.

You have done the same. 

I am tired of tweeps like you hiding behind freedom of speech. Yes, our country allows us that right but we also have a responsibility to use that freedom responsibly. 

You are absolutely everything that is wrong in social media. You're the kind of person I have nightmares about. You're the person, I'd never want my special needs son to meet. And you are also the reason why I write, the reason I am his advocate. 

I read that you are a mother. And as a mother, you should be ashamed. Because is this what you are teaching your child? To hate, to ridicule? Are you the example you want your child to follow?  

You've since deleted your twitter account.  But it's too late. Your tweet has been retweeted more than a thousand times, favorited and replied to. The screen shots are out there. Your hate is out there. You have left your digital footprint. And it is ugly.

I don't expect an apology. I think apologies are pointless. There are too many celebrities tweeting and speaking without thinking and apologizing later. And you are not a public figure, you have no fans to beg for forgiveness. 

What I would like you to do - what I would like more people to do - is to think. Think before you speak. Think before your tweet. And if you're going to use social media - use it for social good. Use your 140 characters to tweet a positive message worthy of retweeting.  
Twitter is a powerful tool, it can either make you or break you - use it responsibly.

#L4LL Twitter Party with Junot Diaz

4/15/13 5pm update: In light of the Boston Marathon Tragedy, Latinas for Latino Literature and Junot Díaz have postponed tonight's Twitter Party, until further notice. In the meantime, the victims, survivors, and their loved ones remain in our hearts and prayers.

***

If you're a fan of Junot Diaz, you're not going to want to miss this! 

For more information or to RSVP, click here.

To help you follow along during our Twitter party with Junot Díaz, we've set up this TweetGrid: http://tinyurl.com/L4LLJunot

For more information about #L4LL - http://www.latinas4latinolit.org/

Never Give Up On A Dream... #DreamUp13

I transferred to The City College of New York as an undergraduate student in the spring of 2003. It was my third college transfer. I lost about half of my credits. I was 27 years old. I was in a committed relationship. And I was working full-time and going to school part-time at night. 

When it was time to register for the fall, I met with the advisor and expressed my concern about the limited course selection. Many of the classes I needed were during the day. 

The advisor gave me two options: quit school or quit work.

I walked out of the advisor's office feeling extremely discouraged. I asked for options and the advisor gave me two that really weren't.

So I transferred to another school: Lehman College. I lost more credits. And I was pushed farther away from my dream.

Many people in my life didn't understand why I was going to school. They would ask me about my plans after I graduated. Was I going to look for another job? Would I make more money? When I answered, "Probably not, my degree is just for me," - it was a hard concept for some people to accept.

By the fall of 2005, I was pregnant and some members of my family urged me to take time off. But I was so close to graduating that I didn't want to quit. I compromised and went to school Saturday mornings and took an online class. I took the spring semester off since I was home on maternity leave but by the following fall, I was back in school. It wasn't easy, trying to find balance between school, work and family. But I was determined. I thought of school as my 'me time.' 

In my final semester at Lehman, I was taking three classes and applying to graduate school while working full time and taking care of my family. It was also the time The Boy was being evaluated. 

The Boy was diagnosed with autism two weeks before my college graduation. And instead of celebrating that summer, I spent it researching autism, visiting specialized preschools and rearranging our lives to accommodate all the recommended services.

Family and friends suggested I put graduate school on hold to be there for Norrin. But I was determined to at least start. I knew that if I started, I could take a break and have the desire to finish. I knew that if I didn't start that fall, I would never go.

I returned to The City College of New York for my first semester as a graduate student in the fall of 2008. It was difficult. Sitting in class with students years younger than me with worries unlike mine. It was demanding, trying to be an advocate for my child and keep up with everything. And I felt guilty for wanting to be both mother and student. 

I took the next semester off because work and school and autism was too much. But I wasn't worried, I had already started and I knew I would return.

Ten years ago I was given two unrealistic choices: quit school or quit work. I believed in myself and created my own options. I learned to let go of time tables, I ignored what everyone else was doing. I pursued my dream while living my life.

I got married. I switched jobs. I attended 4 schools. I changed majors. I moved (twice). I had a baby; he was diagnosed with autism. I started a novel. Family members have died. The Husband retired and started a new career. I had a miscarriage. I started this blog. I've traveled. I sued my school district and fought for a better placement for my son. I have loved, lost, laughed and cried. I have wanted to give up  at every obstacle. But I kept going. 


In a few weeks, I will start my final semester at City College. I will prepare and submit my thesis - 125 pages of my writing. And in May 2013, I will march in cap and gown to Pomp and Circumstance. I will graduate (hopefully with honors) and be the first in my family to have a Masters degree.

Twenty years after my high school graduation, ten years after I was given the option to quit and five years after The Boy's autism diagnosis, I will have fulfilled the dream I didn't think was possible for someone like me. 

     

Tonight I am excited to participate in the Mamiverse Target Twitter Party #DreamUp13 

It has been proven by experts across all areas of study that sharing your personal goals with as many people as you can helps motivate you to make those same goals real.   

Invoking the support of everyone you know, and perhaps some you have yet to meet, builds a network of inspiration that will help you achieve your goals.  

Establishing this Twitterverse base of personal life-coaches will enable you to ask them for advice when you need it, support when you crave it, and get them to cheerlead you into making 2013 a year of total success.

I would love for you to join in and share your dream. 

RSVP for Mamiverse Twitter Party here -https://www.facebook.com/events/183482375130417/

Hashtag: #DreamUp13

Prizes: Three $125 Target GiftCards will be given away

Hosts and cohosts to follow: @Mamiverse @LorraineCLadish @EileenCCampos @CosmoforLatinas @MamiverseBooks @MamiverseFood

I'm Hosting a Twitter Party for Global Motherhood #InspireCare

Did you know that in the United States, the infant mortality rate is one of the highest in the industrialized world? And that for the first time since the 1950’s, that rate is on the rise. That doesn't seem at all possible in the year 2012, but unfortunately - it is.  
Johnson and Johnson's has partnered with organizations like Save the Children, Pro Mujer, and Text4baby as part of their Global Motherhood Initiative.

Join us tonight (11/29) to learn more about Johnson & Johnson’s Global Motherhood initiatives which focus on saving and improving the lives of women and children globally. You’ll have a chance to ask questions, share stories, be inspired and spread the word about social good through social media.

Details:

• Date:  Thursday, November 29^th, 2012
• Time:  9 pm- 10pm EST
• Hostesses: @LaliQuin @independantmami and @rubydw
• Hashtags: #LATISM #InspireCare
• To join: http://www.tweetchat.com/room/latism 

A while back I wrote about the woman who inspires me to care. And then, this woman inspired a nation simply by doing her job.

It's my first time hosting a twitter party and I'm pretty excited that it's for Johnson and Johnson. Hope you join us! So follow me on twitter at @LaliQuin and let me know who INSPIRES YOU to CARE?
  

#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf

you've been on twitter lately and following these tweets - #youmightbeanautismparentif. 

If you haven't - you should.  It's been steadily growing.  The idea for the twitter party was started by Many Hats Mommy and the hashtag was created by @RaisingASDKids.   

Honestly up until a few days ago I wasn't one for twitter.  I didn't really get it, couldn't keep up - I didn't really understand the point of the hashtag.  But since I've been participating in the #youmightbeanautismparentif twitter party, I've been a tweet freak.  I think I've come out of the Twitter closet and now ready to embrace @LaliQuin (my twitter name). 

I'm throwing out hashtags and retweeting and replying to tweets. (Ok, still working on my response time.) 

And when @HollyRod4kids retweeted ME.  I yelled out - OMG!  Because that's the kind of Twitter dork I am. 

The absolute best part of this ongoing twitter party is that I've connected with so many people, I may not have met otherwise.  I'm laughing and crying and nodding my head because the things other parents are writing I totally get.  Because it's always nice to know I'm not alone in my thoughts. 

Here are just a few of my favorites:  

@diaryofamom #youmightbeanautismparentif you find yourself celebrating and heartbroken - at the same time and for the exact same reason.

@jillsmo  #youmightbeanautismparentif you have to live forever. No, I'm serious. This isn't optional.

@autismfather  #youmightbeanautismparentif one moment, you feel completely alone & the next, you're a part of a large, passionate & supportive community.

@loumelgarejo #youmightbeanautismparentif You see a child breaking down in public and don't pass judgment on the child... or the parents.

@LLA_Princess #youmightbeanautismparentif you always talk like you are in a social story....."And that's ok"

@Birdakamaude #youmightbeanautismparentif you've read enough books on #autism that you could practically be a doctor yourself

 

@trydefyinggrav #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf you wanted to write your own #Parenting book because the ones you have are useless in your world.

@jodigomes #youmightbeanautismparentif youve accepted that NORMAL in ur house is exactly opposite of "typical" in pediatricians office #Autism

 

@RaisingASDKids #youmightbeanautismparentif once child knows no Santa u watch him so he doesn't tell every small child bc "they need to know the truth too"

@manyhatsmommyMI And the companion guilt: #Youmightbeanautismparentif you feel guilty that your child says "I love you" when so many others don't. #autism

@thecoffeeklatch If you want to follow the most inspirational thread on Twitter - get a kleenex and be inspired #youmightbeanautismparentif #TCK.


And here are a few of mine -
 LaliQuin AutismWonderland

#youmightbeanautismparentif you look at pictures pre-diagnosis and wonder "Why didn't I see it?" #guilt

 

#YouMightBeAnAutismParentif you have a hard time going to sleep at a reasonable hour. #neverlearn #needmoresleep

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif you've slipped on, stepped on, rolled over on (yes, in bed) Legos #OUCH

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif YOU know in the grand scheme of things #autism isn't a big deal, but hate when others say, "it's no big deal"

 

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif potty training is taking years not weeks. And let's not discuss night-time potty training...

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif hate hearing "Oh but that's all kids" Because no...it's really not.

 

 

#youmightbeanautismparentif Goals are the priority

Go ahead join the #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf conversation on twitter! 

#youmightbeanautismparentif _____________________.