If It Works For Madonna...

I have loved Madonna since I was a in the 4th grade.  I remember the day when I walked to Sam Goody to buy the Like a Virgin tape.  That's right kids, I said tape.  I played the title song over and over again having no clue what the words meant but belted it out at the top of my lungs.  

And since that day in I have seen Madonna evolve over and over again.  She is hailed as the Queen of Reinvention.  Because she's always reinvented herself at just the right times of her life.  I've admired her for it.  She is fearless and thinks nothing of reinventing her image when it suits her.  And with every change, she's become more successful, more refined, more powerful and more fabulous.

Some of my favorite Madonna looks through the years

Today is Fadra's last Sunday hosting the Stream of Conciousness Meme post and it's about reinvention.  I don't participate often but since it's her last one and I've always enjoyed writing them - I decided to link up one last time.  And the theme of reinvention works with what I am going through right now. 


I am trying to reinvent myself.  Well, my outer self.  


I am sitting on the sofa as I type this; my entire body is sore from exercising.  Today was the third day in a row that I've made the conscious decision to work out.  To get in shape.  To live healthier.  To hopefully, live longer.  


I have been struggling with my weight for the last two years.   And last June I wrote a post about The Weight of Autism.  Thinking that I was going to make the effort.  But since that post, I've gained more weight.  I know what it is - I've spent the last few years craving comfort from all the wrong places.


And while the comfort I crave feels so good in the moment.  I know, it's time for me to seek comfort elsewhere.  


Because every time I step on the scale, I cringe.  


Every time I have to squeeze into a pair of jeans that used to fit, I curse myself. 


Every time I have to look for a shirt that conceals my muffin top, I hate it.


Every time I put something on only to realize it no longer fits, I wonder - how could I let this happen?


In less than 3 months I will be one more year closer to 40.   And in the last few months I've had some serious wake up calls regarding health and the choices I've been making.  


It's time to make changes.    


When I was in the 4th grade, I wanted to wear white lace gloves and black rubber bracelets because Madonna wore them.  


Decades later, I'm still taking lessons from the Madonna handbook.

SOCS: I've Boarded the Train There's No Getting Off

One of my very favorite poets is Sylvia Plath and my favorite poem is Metaphors - the last line especially: boarded the train there's no getting off.  


The poem is about pregnancy - no, I'm not pregnant - and that last line reflects how I've felt ever since becoming a mother.  I've boarded the mommy train and there's no getting off.  There's not even a chance of it slowing down.  It just keeps going and going.  


I'm looking out the window and the world is whizzing by.  The Boy is 6 1/2 now - where did the time go?  Its going so quickly.  I'd like it to slow down just a little.  


It won't.  The train just goes faster and faster.  


The baby fat is gone, the fat bands around his wrists and ankles are gone.  His baby teeth are starting to fall out.  He looks less and less like a baby.  He's one of the big kids.  He wants to do things on his own.  We still walk hand in hand, but the day will come when he'll want to let go.  


He barely fits in my lap.  And so he sits beside me on the train.


One day, he'll be old enough to jump the train.  And board a train of his own.  Maybe our trains will go in the same direction.  Maybe it won't.      


Will it be a successful journey?  I have no idea - but so far, so good.
     

This is my (2nd) 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Go ahead, give it a whirl. Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post HERE.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

I didn't win the mega millions, so I'll be back in the office tomorrow.

Truth is - I didn't even play.  Not even in the office pool.   

I never play lotto.  I don't buy scratch offs.  I don't like to make bets.  And I hate casinos.  Now I'm a gal of quite a few vices.  Gambling just isn't one of them.

Which is a shame, considering everything that's going on with The Boy.

Lately, I've been feeling like the stakes are at an all time high.  And my poker face could use some work.

It's been exhausting.  And March has been a long month.  31 days and nights of waiting, wondering, worrying.

I don't know why, but the month of April seems promising.  It's also Autism Awareness Month and there are so many wonderful events taking place this month.  I'm guest posting on some amazing websites this month.  I am speaking on a panel at the Hispanicize conference in 11 days - in MIAMI!  I'm speaking on another panel in NYC later this month.  I have a few great book reviews in draft and even an interview with a warrior mom/fabulous plus size model.  They are all good distractions.  

And today - the first day of April has been a productive day.  With all of my March Madness I've neglected my little home.  Only doing the barest of bare minimum.  But today I cleaned, uncluttered, went food shopping, cooked, did laundry, ironed (!!!!!), put clothes away and looky here - now I'm writing a post. 
 
Looking around, I have a sense of satisfaction of accomplishment.  Because I know my hard work today, will pay off.

That is what I want for The Boy.  March was a month of time consuming work.  A month of running back and forth.  I want it to pay off.  I hope I haven't gambled it all away.  We cannot afford to lose everything.

Unlike the 3 lucky winner of the mega million I will resume my life on Monday.  I will go into the office; my bread and butter work and get busy.   I don't really want to.  But I'm not a gambler.   I just need to keep believing that hard work pays off.           

    

In Between Seasons

Last Sunday I had dinner with some of my favorite high school girl friends.  That's the great thing about FB - staying in touch with people that may have been lost forever.  


Anyway - one friend asked "So what are you up to  - you're a writer?"  And the question caught me off guard.  Honestly, I've never been asked that before.   My answer?  "Well, I'm a secretary but I play a writer on FB."  (I have a quirky sense of humor naturally but tend to make jokes when I'm uncomfortable/nervous/upset/pissed off...I make jokes a lot actually.)


But then 2 others interjected, insisting that I am in fact - a writer.   


What I really am is a woman in between seasons.  


At least once I week, I run Landslide by Fleetwood Mac on my ipod.  And I mean RUN IT - as in, play it on repeat through out my morning commute.  (If you don't know that song - get to know it.  It's amazing.)  But my favorite line is: Can I handle the seasons of my life?


I am like Alice - wondering, "Who in the world am I?" 
  
Somewhere between mother, student and wife; somewhere between secretary and writer - there's me.  Trying to figure it all out.  Trying to find my voice.  Still trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be.  Trying to break out of the box that I have put myself in.


Sometimes someone else needs to show you who are, before you truly see it for yourself.     

     

This is my (very 1st) 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post HERE.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.