I can't tell you how often I've doubted myself along this journey. How many times I've wondered whether or not, I've made the right decision. How much weight I've put on every decision I've ever made since The Boy's diagnosis. And I punish myself when a wrong decision is made.
There is always doubt.
Tomorrow is The Boy's first full day of school. And I want to be hopeful. Because I do really think it's a good program - in theory. And I want to believe in the school and its teachers. And if the program and teachers and therapists do everything they're supposed to do, The Boy could have an amazing year.
But there isn't a designated OT on site yet. That's a MAJOR problem.
Not everyone on staff seems to be aware of the small ASD population.
And it's in a Community (Public) School with Assembly's and recess and lunch. And there are other kids. Typical kids. And what if The Boy has a complete meltdown during an assembly. Will the staff be prepared to handle it? Will the other kids stare? Make fun?
What if this is my wake up call? To get him out now. I don't know.
Am I pushing him into something he's not ready for?
Am I just being overprotective and underestimating The Boy's capability?
One of the complaints you hear about the Board of Education is the lack of parent involvement. But when a parent is involved they are viewed as "difficult" or "pushy." All I want is The Boy to have an opportunity to do well.